Journeying through life with mental health is full of smooth and rough patches. Striving to find who we are and live in this blessed life well, even during the turbulent times. Ran across the following video that got me thinking on how to continue to strive to work on and accept who I am, past, present, and future. I always dwell on the what if’s and why did I make that choice. I found this one and got me thinking.
This video follows the journey of a social worker that transitioned to a different path of life as a photographer. Got me thinking maybe in the future develop a deeper understanding of where I am in my journey and how/why. If you did not watch the above link questions, he posted in the project – I am: I regret: and Before I Die: Loved the diversity of responses and reminders we are all different in how our life will, is, and has been living. It is okay to have a difference of opinion. In striving to accept personally, there will always be aspects of decisions, actions, and lack thereof that my mental health challenges will impact. It is okay if an impact made, both good and bad. What we learn, though, is how not to wallow too long in a pit made by a poor decision or lack of an action at the wrong time. Mental health does not seem to like working a beneficial schedule.
Lifes journey will always be before me, and as I move forward and blog as my life ebbs and flows on the shore of success and failure. Learning and patching up the damaged areas can still be termed a success if we allow it. It is finding the strength to keep moving even when some disagree and disregard the progress made. Success is as simple to some as getting up in the morning and getting dressed on the awful days. Success can be reaching out to a friend, professional, or a helpline when one’s strength seems non-existent. Success and Celebration of life are going forward even during a rough patch. Our journey of life or the shipwreck on the shore of life can be anything we make it just look for the sunshine through the gloom.
My 2020 response to the three questions the man put forth.
I am Mother, Wife, College Student, Employee, a weak follower of Christ, and Unsure of where I am going.
I regret not living my life as I dreamed and doing what everyone told me, or I perceived what I should do to please those around me, not myself.
Before I Die, I want to purchase 300-500 acres of land to make a nature preserve. On a couple of those acres, a rustic campground, an area designed for photographers, bookstore/coffee shop for groups to meet, and it overlooks the beauty of nature, and live off the land.
I would love to celebrate the joy I have found in blogging/journaling. It has been beneficial in reinforcing everyday success if we are alive and can be in the now and move forward even after a stall. Sample: Monday 5/4/2020 looked like it was going to be another failure of my positive movement made last week. When I got back from work, I only accomplished running three errands for my husband and daughter and a two-hour nap. In turn, I got to thinking I must live the words written. May seem small, but Monday was a success when looked at in hindsight. Success is I went to work on three hours of sleep, ran errands, folded some laundry, used a mask even though I struggled with my anxiety of looking out of place, and I worked on my blog.
I have included the comments section this time in case anyone wants to post an I am, I regret, and before I die exercise. I am hoping I am not infringing on this gentleman’s talent or idea. It was beneficial for me to think about my past, future, and present. I will attempt to read the comments section but still unsure I am strong enough to do so.
Thank you to all that have liked my posts. I much appreciate the support. I am sorry that even now, I am still not worked through my anxiety enough to allow the comments section to be part of the posts—one of my many flaws that at some point will work through.
Was listening to 5/1/2020 NBC Nightly News https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE7WYcGJV2I that brought a troubling question to the diversity of our country’s thinking – time stamp 4.03 Major Reopening. The topic was the re-opening of our country, protests, and the states slowly easing the shelter in place orders what I struggle with how I feel about the distinct separation in how people think about the re-opening of our country. I understand just going out and about as desired, but we still have a large segment of our country that is immune-compromised, and the knowledge about COVID-19 is still limited. The opening of our country is well financially and needs doing. Additionally, groups are talking about going out with a mask is unnecessary. I wish more people would wear masks at least in the area of the country (Northern Ohio) that I am in just on May 01, 2020, of our change in a stay at home order to stay safe traffic doubled when I had to leave for work as a Home Health Aide.
Protests are freedom of our country Praise God, would like a little more diverse reporting of each viewpoint from tv. Why did several groups of protesters choose to go armed into the State Capitol of Michigan, Austin, Pittsburgh, and more? Did find a historical reason for the armed protests by TImothy C Hemmis, he wrote a ‘The Founders drew a line between peaceful protests and armed insurrection.’ The article gave a fascinating history to the initial thoughts behind protests. With some googling, I did find another piece that gave a more detailed perspective on why people felt they need to assemble armed currently. The article is ‘Michigan militia puts armed protests in the spotlight’ by Sara Burnett. What I was able to glean from this article is that there is a segment of our society that feels the stay at home order has attacked our freedom. Is the stay at home order an attack on liberty when things could have been so much worse in regards to our health? Then how should our politicians handle the pandemic? So where does this put me personally in regards to my anxiety, depression, and how I move forward when I either agree or disagree with attitudes around me?
I praise God that we live in a country that allows the freedom of our voice, so most are represented. Some of these voices may be stifled from time to time. Big business and our politicians who are supported by big companies do not want to see or hear those that are the backbone of the country, the hourly worker. We see this in a small aspect of how we praise the hospital (nursing and doctors) and police/firefighters. DO NOT get me wrong they should be appreciated; they are not paid enough for what we ask of them to do even if this pandemic was not happening. But very little praise goes to the eight to ten dollar worker retail, sanitation, factory, etc., that is also working under dangerous conditions or are unemployed. Nevermind in a month our police, fireman, nurses, and city workers will be unemployed due to state or hospital budget cuts that need balanced. Our federal government not supporting the state and hospital leaders. The money voted on was sent with strict guidelines that do not truly help our state budgets. State leaders who have been on the front lines of making the tough decisions about stay at home orders which impact their state economy and budgetary needs.
Reviewing information and journaling has helped me and the anxiety about where my place is in all this current and future chaos. Honestly, I think I will be better off keeping to my initial plan of just listening to my state afternoon news conference and maybe listen nightly to one of the world news reports. Much of what I have journaled above has been there for years and even centuries and not changed much. Accepting that I am a low paid minion, entry-level worker, law-abiding citizen of our country that our federal politicians have lost sight of what our country stands on. Our country began and is supposed to stand on the Declaration of Independence of 1776. ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that their Creator endows them with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.’ (https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript). I am not in a position to do much else except to vote when it is time and with research vote and make choices that are best for the reliable working of our government, not fractured petty children masked as adults. Both Federal, State, and Local government officials are to serve all people, not just the stockholders and moneymakers. Beyond voting and speaking out after research, my other personal responsibility is to care for my family and the responsibilities I have to those around me.
Emotionally that is all I can work with is me, family, work, and home first. One of the other aspects that came to mind while I was listening to the NBC News report is one woman’s comment at – time stamp 6:22. Her comment about how freeing it felt to be out. I think many of us can relate to after the last 5-7 weeks of staying at home and many more to come. All I ask is that some of us remember this after we begin to return to our’ new normal’. There are those in our society that are always staying at home not by choice. For emotional health reasons, physical reasons, hospitals, or nursing homes. Let’s try to reach out to those homebound or in hospitals. They would love to hear or read something and remembered other than the big holidays. Those that are homebound feel forgotten over the years, and now that we as a nation have had a small taste of what it feels emotionally and physically trapped in one’s home. Remember their, being home has been for years. Maybe it is time to reach out even it is to reach out to them by phone, flowers, or letter. Caring is not wrong; it takes a little bit of effort. Because even though they may have an ‘aide’ come to their home to help with primary care, that is not the same as a friend or family member to remember them.
Keep striving to find what motivates, calms, and feels personally successful. Our successes are as an individual. All we can do is share our journey with those listening; hope it helps. Reframe life from sorrow to celebration as you picture it. Our experiences painful or beautiful can build a fantastic frame of beauty; even cracks are marks of beauty and resilience.
To end these thoughts on an upbeat note here is Matthew West – Quarantine Life. Hopefully, you get a chuckle from this as we move forward and find an equilibrium that works for us as individuals. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyuaDo1eLEI I find these songs uplifting not depressing because it does show that even though our environment/home may look different many of us are going through that same feeling of loss of get up and go when we want.
Unsure if there are others with this feeling of no motivation and loss of hours watching YouTube, reading, or clearing up my email since our life was slowed by the 2020 shelter in place for the safety of everyone due to COVID-19. Emotionally/Mentally, torn as a wife, mother, homeschool mom of a depressed but creative seventeen-year-old, Part-Time employee as a Home Health Aide, and homemaker. Currently, my husband is still working at an Engineering company in IT. I am striving to remove myself from worrying about others when I cannot assist. Family dynamics and the individual I care for part-time is in the high-risk health category—even acknowledging the guilt that does not sufficiently decrease the anxiety drain.
With all this, my motivation to work on short or long term put off projects are still not there. I tried starting Spruce.Com article 4 Easy Steps to Reclaim Your Home from Clutter and Disorganization. This particular read started me listing each room and what needs done. Made it as far as the rooms list that was three days ago, became overwhelmed with listing the individual needs of each room. Was watching Adam Savage Q&A (3/31/20, Part 2) one of the visuals he made to a question posted about motivation. He made mention that when things were so overwhelming take it in small increments, which struck home more for me, which reminded me of an earlier article on Spruce.com that may be a better idea to start on the clutter to downsize. Before tackling the decluttering, I am going to figure out a reward for myself.
The prize will either be a mix of working on an art project, bible study, blogging, watching a video, reading an article, or a nap. What will my day look like? I think I will return to what has worked in the past until my allergies, fatigue, or headaches flair up—using a kitchen timer for 30-minutes for a task and a 30-minute break. For some, this will come off slightly OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Progress has been made over the years from using Excel marked with exact times 5:00 am, getting up, 5:05 am teeth, 5:15 am, taking a shower, etc., then getting upset when reality put me behind. Changing to 30-minute chunks of time releases me from the stress of keeping to an extreme regimented schedule. To-Do lists used to be on ledger pads and one to two pages long. After two days of trying to keep to an illogical/impractical schedule and task lists, I would become depressed over the perceived failure that would take weeks to drag myself out of.
The weeks on end of perceived failure is what keeps building clutter because my previous routine style is unobtainable till I declutter and prioritize. So let’s start the journey again of trying another path that may or may not work only time will tell. Life is about adaptation and success as individuals we must search for the silver lining even among the perceived failures. For every half hour of success is one more piece of paper in recycling or in a box going toward Goodwill or Salvation Army once they open again after this COVID-19 shelter in place here in Ohio. Failure is another item off the table of ideas allowing me to move forward to a style that will work for me as an individual.
One final note for me I have chosen to decrease the amount of reading or to watch the documentation or news reports in regards to the COVID-19 the redundant questions of politicians or specialists the attacks based on political affiliation, we need to adjust the finger-pointing to after the crisis. Now is the time to concentrate on saving lives first and planning how to keep our economy afloat and reintegrate our world to a new normal when the curve of the disease has safely flattened out—my goal to watch just Ohio’s daily 2 pm news briefing. Hopefully, I can keep that plan to decrease my current stress and frustration.
Watched my state’s 2 pm News Conference 4/4/2020, a variety of subjects covered. One of them is that Psychiatrists and Psychologists are being allowed to take on new patients without a face to face appointment; this is wonderful because that is an aspect of our family’s needs. I am sure there are other people as well. The most important to me was how we as a state we’re going to follow through on our CDC suggestion of wearing a mask. Asked to wear the masks and the Ohio website is providing cleaning, proper wearing, and the making of fabric masks.
The positive words are great, but this truly hits my social anxiety buttons. How do I work through emotionally that wearing a mask is so apparent? My thoughts, even though I know they are illogical. It does not stop me from thinking about them and having them impact my actions. Will I be made fun of for wearing the mask and no one else is? Will I be made fun of for wearing a black one this is what I have available? Dr. Acton did have a great analogy of this is a cultural change. Great thought, but still, I struggle with my feelings of this change in a daily routine. What I have done to work around my anxiety of being made fun of is to create a small bag of supplies that I will have in a carry bag in my car. Small bag/purse will have set of plastic gloves, cloth mask, container with a couple lysol wipes, and pair of thin plastic coated work gloves. My bag is set-up so it is compact, easy to sanitize, and refill. (see below). Please be aware the below bag is not approved by any officials this is personal, that allows me to work around my anxiety and be prepared. Another aspect of the update that gave me frustration is that our local government has received no direction from our Federal Government on how to disperse the money for the gig and self-employed citizens. Why is our Federal leadership not working on this if they are where are they in sending this out Ohio leadership is not expecting a response for a month? Not an aspect of our world I can fix so all I can do is try not to think about it.
This is it for me today. I am going to keep working on decluttering with the intention of downsizing.
Have a great day and stay safe during this change of culture and daily life.
What I have in my bag and the containers I store them in. (lol-yes they are labeled)Fits in a small bag, allowing for easy grab, put away, and cleaning once I have made it back home.
Random Observations 