Motivation or the Lack thereof…

Unsure if there are others with this feeling of no motivation and loss of hours watching YouTube, reading, or clearing up my email since our life was slowed by the 2020 shelter in place for the safety of everyone due to COVID-19. Emotionally/Mentally, torn as a wife, mother, homeschool mom of a depressed but creative seventeen-year-old, Part-Time employee as a Home Health Aide, and homemaker. Currently, my husband is still working at an Engineering company in IT. I am striving to remove myself from worrying about others when I cannot assist. Family dynamics and the individual I care for part-time is in the high-risk health category—even acknowledging the guilt that does not sufficiently decrease the anxiety drain.  

With all this, my motivation to work on short or long term put off projects are still not there. I tried starting Spruce.Com article 4 Easy Steps to Reclaim Your Home from Clutter and Disorganization. This particular read started me listing each room and what needs done. Made it as far as the rooms list that was three days ago, became overwhelmed with listing the individual needs of each room. Was watching Adam Savage Q&A (3/31/20, Part 2) one of the visuals he made to a question posted about motivation. He made mention that when things were so overwhelming take it in small increments, which struck home more for me, which reminded me of an earlier article on that may be a better idea to start on the clutter to downsize. Before tackling the decluttering, I am going to figure out a reward for myself. 

The prize will either be a mix of working on an art project, bible study, blogging, watching a video, reading an article, or a nap. What will my day look like? I think I will return to what has worked in the past until my allergies, fatigue, or headaches flair up—using a kitchen timer for 30-minutes for a task and a 30-minute break. For some, this will come off slightly OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Progress has been made over the years from using Excel marked with exact times 5:00 am, getting up, 5:05 am teeth, 5:15 am, taking a shower, etc., then getting upset when reality put me behind. Changing to 30-minute chunks of time releases me from the stress of keeping to an extreme regimented schedule. To-Do lists used to be on ledger pads and one to two pages long. After two days of trying to keep to an illogical/impractical schedule and task lists, I would become depressed over the perceived failure that would take weeks to drag myself out of. 

The weeks on end of perceived failure is what keeps building clutter because my previous routine style is unobtainable till I declutter and prioritize. So let’s start the journey again of trying another path that may or may not work only time will tell. Life is about adaptation and success as individuals we must search for the silver lining even among the perceived failures. For every half hour of success is one more piece of paper in recycling or in a box going toward Goodwill or Salvation Army once they open again after this COVID-19 shelter in place here in Ohio. Failure is another item off the table of ideas allowing me to move forward to a style that will work for me as an individual.

One final note for me I have chosen to decrease the amount of reading or to watch the documentation or news reports in regards to the COVID-19 the redundant questions of politicians or specialists the attacks based on political affiliation, we need to adjust the finger-pointing to after the crisis. Now is the time to concentrate on saving lives first and planning how to keep our economy afloat and reintegrate our world to a new normal when the curve of the disease has safely flattened out—my goal to watch just Ohio’s daily 2 pm news briefing. Hopefully, I can keep that plan to decrease my current stress and frustration.

Watched my state’s 2 pm News Conference 4/4/2020, a variety of subjects covered. One of them is that Psychiatrists and Psychologists are being allowed to take on new patients without a face to face appointment; this is wonderful because that is an aspect of our family’s needs. I am sure there are other people as well. The most important to me was how we as a state we’re going to follow through on our CDC suggestion of wearing a mask. Asked to wear the masks and the Ohio website is providing cleaning, proper wearing, and the making of fabric masks.

The positive words are great, but this truly hits my social anxiety buttons. How do I work through emotionally that wearing a mask is so apparent? My thoughts, even though I know they are illogical. It does not stop me from thinking about them and having them impact my actions. Will I be made fun of for wearing the mask and no one else is? Will I be made fun of for wearing a black one this is what I have available? Dr. Acton did have a great analogy of this is a cultural change. Great thought, but still, I struggle with my feelings of this change in a daily routine. What I have done to work around my anxiety of being made fun of is to create a small bag of supplies that I will have in a carry bag in my car. Small bag/purse will have set of plastic gloves, cloth mask, container with a couple lysol wipes, and pair of thin plastic coated work gloves. My bag is set-up so it is compact, easy to sanitize, and refill. (see below). Please be aware the below bag is not approved by any officials this is personal, that allows me to work around my anxiety and be prepared. Another aspect of the update that gave me frustration is that our local government has received no direction from our Federal Government on how to disperse the money for the gig and self-employed citizens. Why is our Federal leadership not working on this if they are where are they in sending this out Ohio leadership is not expecting a response for a month?  Not an aspect of our world I can fix so all I can do is try not to think about it. 

This is it for me today. I am going to keep working on decluttering with the intention of downsizing.  

Have a great day and stay safe during this change of culture and daily life.

What I have in my bag and the containers I store them in. (lol-yes they are labeled)
Fits in a small bag, allowing for easy grab, put away, and cleaning once I have made it back home.

The information mentioned above: How to Organize Your Home, 4 Easy Steps to Reclaim Your Home from Clutter and Disorganization, Written by Sarah Aguirre, Updated 10/12/19,

Adam Savage Video time stamp 12:39: How to Declutter Your Home, Room by Room, Written by Elizabeth Larkin, Updated 08/09/19,

OCD Definition from Mayo Clinic Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

Ohio COVID19 (Cloth Face Coverings (Masks) COVID-19 Checklist, April 04, 2020, | COVID-19)