Journey of Personal Mental Health

FeaturedJourney of Personal Mental Health

Journey of Personal Mental Health striving to gain upward momentum out of my stall that my Anxiety and Depression have distracted. Mental Health is so filled with dips that the highs seem so few and far between and not worth the effort of patching life’s current or past potholes. Restoring to me is seeing a mental health professional, personal physician, adjusting individual behavior or habits that have worked, or the present buzz word ‘self-care. Currently, my mental health pit seems insurmountable. Unsure of just a shift or an accumulation of goals that did not come to fruition on schedule, dietary need, or my depression is flaring up for no specific reason. Probably a combination of all.  

Daily life seems so overwhelming between listening and being part of the world as a whole by listening to the news during this time of political transition and change from pandemic lockdown to limited free choice. We are all going through this at different levels and perceptions. For me, life is going to be a continued minimal viewing of the media. In a big world, perspective is how to live well when our media and politicians seem to squabble like children about decisions that either will impact us or only a tiny portion of society. I have mentioned that I often struggle with finding a balance between being aware of the world and not becoming overwhelmed. I am still happy just sticking with reading the Morning Brew and periodically checking headlines on Bing. I am still trying to remember to work through my interaction with the media. The low aspect of my mental health and continuing my personal choice to go simple on my life intersect with the larger country and world picture. I am adjusting to figure out what triggered my digging or exacerbate the downward movement that my mental health keeps digging with no end in sight.

For May, any time off is spent sleeping, which is not like me. From April to Present, I went from working 70 hours a week to 60 hours a week. With that thought, I should not be sleeping. I have more time in my day. In looking back, though, I had to accept that I had many changes take place in the last three months. March 2020 began the confrontational discussion in a society of how the Covid pandemic should happen. Personally, since July of 2020, I have been working two jobs, one home health with two clients and one job as a supermarket cashier and stock person. At the end of 2020, one of the clients I had passed away, which left me caring for one person and still working as a cashier and then training to be a key holder to a team lead, then department manager with the goal of store manager. Since the beginning of 2021, my body has progressively increased in problems. At random times, fifty percent of the day, fingers numb/pins and needles (feel like they are asleep) and arms from the shoulders down; before, panic did check my heart.

With that increase in health and back pain, I had to give up pursuing store management in the retail industry due to the physical nature of retail, the sector that a store manager is required to do as much physical work as those they lead. That said, that saw me leaving the retail, service, and restaurant, industry that I have worked in the last twenty plus years of my life and my employment career goal. The intention is also to leave the home health industry due to the physical and emotional demands of the job. Like retail, this industry is challenging to find employees for, so I am still working full time, intending to move to a part-time or on-call for one client once more staff are found. Everyone deserves to know that they have people that will help when needed.  

Continuing this review of May is realizing that my daughter is struggling with graduating high school and her journey of depression. With this, I found my pride had come into play and felt that I had failed her. Spending time striving to accept and supporting her journey through life with depression is more important than saying I had a child who graduated from high school the ‘normal’ way. Choosing to be happy, she will live well with what brings her joy; there are other ways to achieve that supposed necessary high school diploma. All are weighing my anxiety and depression, reinforcing that I fail because I left retail and was an unsuccessful mom. Still plan to replace the customer service work with travel agent work that has not happened yet; due to my need to be there for my client, as a home health aide is not feasible.  Feasability to do a fantastic job in both industries that need I high level of attention to detail. All these components have triggered my depression to the extent that the feeling of failure has made it difficult to bring myself out. However, I am starting to make progress. The below video from Adam Savage Tested assisted me in striving to think about moving forward and making changes to patch the pothole that I have found myself in. Need to adjust meds and strive to continue to accommodate food, vitamins, and goals.

Adam Savage’s Tested – “Ask Adam Savage: Coping With (and Learning From) Failure May 16, 2021

I know that it is not about depression but since I feel like a failure exacerbated by my depression. Adam’s video helped me acknowledge that feeling and having loss is a part of life. Mistakes made; success is accepting and learning from that. Mental health makes failure feel worse, but success is in acknowledging what happened and how to make changes to strive not to repeat and change habits or behaviors to learn from the ‘failure.’ Acknowledging the failure and realizing that the success is moving forward. Even if you revisit the loss, success is to keep getting up and returning to life’s journey.

I am looking forward to returning to the path of food search. I enjoyed the previous video (UC Davis Health – Brain Foods for Brain Health – Boost Brain Health with Good Eats) about food and health but a little bit more in-depth than my current place to work with since I have bottomed out. I will consider another information source since I am currently at a point of apathy and minimal concentration. That is, reviewing that deep dive will probably keep me stuck instead of moving up; it brings forth the thought of the new buzzword in mainstream media, “self-care .”

Self-care brings images of selfishness and narcissism nevermind I do not have the time for hours of meditation and exercise, never mind the desire to. So I did some research to find out what self-care is from a health and psychology level. One-piece I found on had 5 Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life by Elizabeth Scott, MS, from 2020. Another was from Psychology Today titled Self Care 101 by Marie Baratta Ph.D., L.C.S.W. written in 2018. Another place I went to, which is always my first go when I search out simple answers to start my journey of self-improvement, is Mayo Clinic. Unfortunately, I did not find anything explicitly titled Self Care unless it was attached to other illnesses.

Finding self-care instructions geared toward specific illnesses got me shifting my idea of self-care as a level of selfishness started transitioning toward self-care, which I have always strived to do but stop short. After all, I am always putting others first because I think it is selfish to think of myself when others are hurting. Looking over my past and what I have currently read, I cannot care for others, bringing me joy. Therefore, I do not take care of myself. Unsure of why I never connected that I have strived for self-care in all my years of adulthood. 

Great I have acknowledged self-care is okay, but how do I keep implementing when I am currently wallowing in a pit of self-perceived failure—going to start with the list of 5 from Ms. Scott since thinking straight is difficult. The definition of Self-Care in this article is, Self-care describes a conscious act one takes to promote their physical, mental, and emotional health. There are many forms self-care may take. For example, it could be ensuring you get enough sleep every night or stepping outside for a few minutes for some fresh air.

 Another piece of the article that struck me was that I was on the right track now that I understood the building-resilience when faced with aspects of life you cannot change but still thrive. Ms. Scott’s five areas that create or maximize the best self-care are looking at Physical, Social, Mental, Spiritual, and Emotional.

She had the four questions (see article for the total question) condensed to adequate sleep, diet, awareness of health, exercise.   

Let’s review the personal breakdown: sleep is not an aspect I can fix until the client (quadriplegic and I have 80% of the care needs) gets more help. For those who care, my day starts at 5:30 am and ends at midnight; work from Monday to Thursday is 8 am to 4 pm and goes back at 7 pm, and finishes at 11 pm. For the most part, Friday is a day off to catch up on sleep and house chores. Saturday is 8 am to 1 pm; Sunday is two hours at lunch and then back at 7 pm to 11 pm. For those who say change your hours, I cannot; as an individual, if I do not go over six sometimes seven days a week, this individual does have the physical ability to handle day-to-day physical care needs. The individual has an amazing mind. But getting up to get a drink just cause the individual wants to is not possible unless set up to do so. Emotionally, it would be worse knowing the selfish choice I was responsible to make, caused an individual not getting up and living their day to the best. We all deserve to live to the maxim of our capabilities and be supported to do so.  

Next in the question’s diet is something I can work on, which is a constant struggle due to no appetite. Over the years, but mainly in the last six months, I have gotten a routine that seems to help. It is just sticking to it. I have found that I am not hungry in the mornings, so I mix either a chocolate flavor or unflavored protein or meal supplement with my coffee. Lunch is something I pack. Dinner is whatever I cook for the family. I carry beef jerky, nuts, hydration water additives, and protein powder with me in my work bag for when I am hungry, and it is snack time. Additionally, I strive to drink 4 – 24 oz bottles of water, next on the hit parade of self-care.

Taking charge of health was initially a little confusing. Is that not what you are doing with sleep and diet? Then I thought this probably means my mental health or any physical medical needs, hypertension, thyroid, etc., which prompted me to use my Fit Bit app more and purchase a glucose and blood pressure machine. The glucose machine is that periodically I have tested slightly high during blood work, but also both parents were juvenile diabetics, so that is a constant fear of mine. Okay, for me, the next is my kryptonite.

Exercise ick to be immature. Employment has always been physically demanding, so I never thought I needed to. I was getting 10,000 to 15,000 steps in a work shift. So why did I need to exercise? Asthma made it difficult to find exercise appealing. I am fat, and my husband married me fat, so why bother ‘killing’ myself doing something I find painful or boring? Knowing none of those were good reasons and making better choices never really clicked. After all, my whole body is having problems because I did not exercise my body as a whole, just my legs and arms. That came from a visit with my chiropractor, where I mentioned the workpiece. What was said clicked for me? Yes, I exercise while working, but I am only exercising certain areas of the body. What I need to do is exercise the other aspects of my body. For some reason, that clicked when other times I never got the importance. So okay, I need to, but how do I fit this in. Starting small but also how. How is locating something online that makes sense and is an easy start? Below is what I found, and I plan to start July 11, 2021, and see if following this for a month was doable with my current life schedule and how and if it helped. If it does not it is on me not the presenter one must follow though to succeed, just watching.  He also presents in another video the math of the exercise routine if that interests you.

Mark Wildman – 3 Best Exercises for Overweight People 

From there, I intend to have it in my calendar to look at Number 2 on the self-care life by Ms. Scott. 

So there you have it the delay in my writing was from living in the bottom of a pothole of mental health goo of defeat and self-hatred. Honestly felt that I was stuck forever and living in my own La Brea Tar Pits. So it is nice to see the top edge of my pothole and again slowly fill in and re-root my life back to functioning and creative goals and enjoyment of life. As is the theme of my life, a blog life is a journey, and there are many potholes and paths our life can take. It is how we live with mental and physical health that defines our journey and interaction with those around us. So keeping journeying forward and patching in the potholes of self-discovery, it is worth finding the failures and successes. There is no actual failure, just a revamp toward a better success. 

Faith Journey

Below is a sermon by Tony Evans about not giving up that has also helped me realize that we all hit bottom but we have support and direction we just need to change our perception of the world around us and the interaction which is ever moving there will be lows and highs.  Goal is to move forward even during the lows.

When You Feel Like Giving Up – Sermon by Tony Evans uploaded November 13, 2016

Works Cited

5 Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life, By Elizabeth Scott, MS  Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD Updated on August 03, 2020,, 7/10/2021

Finding Motivation Through The Tough Days

I am returning to the topic of motivation, is a personally constant search. Motivating through exhaustion is difficult when integrated with mental and physical health needs. Let’s look at what the Oxford Dictionary has as a definition.  




  1. the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
  2. “escape can be a strong motivation for travel.”
  3. synonyms:
  4. motive · motivating force · incentive · stimulus · stimulation · inspiration · impulse · inducement · incitement · spur · goad · provocation · reason · rationale · ground(s)

Have the desire and willingness, just not the energy. Find me hip-deep in a lousy week. As Tuesday creeps toward Thursday to stop me from becoming overwhelmed by thoughts of being a failure are the priority. Striving to concentrate on following my daily list but prioritize it based on absolutely must-do tasks. The goal is so family, work, and house not impacted. For those that have read the past blog subjects, these exhaustion weeks are one of the reasons I created a daily printable list. I mentally spend so much time figuring out what is remarkable: so much time wasted that nothing gets done. With the record, I can check off what done highlight what is next after a break. Taken me years of off and on working on different lists some short and some too detailed. With the horrible days, I do one to two tasks than a twenty to thirty-minute break. Breaks being reading, writing, watching YouTube, sorting clutter, or catnap. My thoughts of failure usually are what makes me crash, and nothing accomplished. History sleeping either from a migraine or just lack of motivation and feelings of why bother I am a failure, and my husband and daughter are going to leave me because I am worthless.   

Currently feeling that I am treading water, at least I am not sinking. Not much to give for suggestions but keep motivated to at least accomplish the basics. I did include a quote I found online that has helped me keep working on my home’s needs and not let my mental and physical health grind my life to a halt. My journey this week seems to be in a valley, but that does not mean I am not looking ahead to strive to go back up the hill of life. May this day find you well; none of us are alone in this mental and physical health; it just looks different as we all move through our lives.

To wrap this post up with something fun. Below is a fun song/video from Mercy Me that when I need something upbeat and reminder that I do not need to strive for perfection. Usually, play this in the background will doing something mind-numbing like folding laundry. Mind-numbing tasks typically are when I struggle with my self doubts the most. Video is silly, but enjoy how it shows the lack of perfection that we all are, and that’s okay. We can still live life with joy; it just looks different from person to person. Also, I have an evil streak and love to freak out, my teenager, when she walks in while I listen and start moving to the song.  

Mercy Me – Happy Dance

Motivation Quote 


Lexico by Oxford Dictionary,

Motivation Quote,

Week Review 5/3-8/2020

Past posts have been my perception of the success and failure of my time concerning the reality of living well with mental health and physical limitations. Last week offered an additional 15 hours of Home Health Aide work. Difficult decision to make taking the extra hours, due to the responsibilities I have at my own home, health, and family. When balanced against the exhaustion from anxiety/depression, sleep apnea, and other health concerns was unsure how that was going to go home wise.  

By Wednesday, I was ready to throw in the towel and blog my perception of failure. Before starting this experiment of blogging/public journaling, that would be my thought process still is a little. That small amount of doubt never seems to leave me for long; this week’s reasoning behind thoughts of failure. Some of the home organization projects that I had been slowly integrating into my life has stopped. The timing of the everyday items that I had been working on had shifted, and the amount of effort put into them changed drastically. Again this is less than half of what I used to be able to accomplish in years past. As the days progressed, I could sense my building emotional cloud of failure, and why do I even bother trying. Another voice I kept hearing, “I am such a failure that I cannot accomplish ‘basics.’ I am a worthless mother, wife, and employee.” Then the thought struck me during my paten pending internal thought bubble. That is the me that I am always trying to shed. Given the ‘joys’ of mental health will be revisited, often.

With contemplation and review by Friday, I have decided that this week’s additional work hours were a successful integration of my health and home life. How I decided they were a success, not a failure as earlier thought was many. Physically I had to remember due to work hours; I could no longer take my insomnia medication. That means as the week progressed, my body was unable to get a proper amount of sleep outside three to four hours. The hours also impacted eating breakfast due to medication restrictions and took some time to adjust the medication, food intake, and leaving for work. Another component that any energy I would have just after work for the physical house tasks was limited in completion. The limitation was positive and negative; my teenage daughter has been falling behind in her classwork due to her depression. She finally had a positive week and was working on assignments and required testing. To positively reinforce her progress, I rewarded her with her favorite take out for lunch most of the week. Yes, I just spent the financial increase on take-out and reinforced comfort/reward eating. Can I call it a win that I supported my local business? (shrugs shoulder) So instead of cleaning, I was ordering food and running errands. In contemplation, this week is a success for me.

Success comes in many shapes and sizes from the perception of this struggling to live well individual—silly and real overview of reasons again. I was able to increase my contribution to my home financially. I can make donations to the local food bank, church, and WCRF radio station. Maintained the basics dishes and laundry; may not be on the schedule I would prefer, but they got done. Cleaning may not be the deep clean I prefer, but the basic got done. Able to add the filling and taking all of my medications and vitamins this week. My daughter had a great week. I still blogged and journaled during the week. So I will take this as a win for surviving mental and physical health limitations.  

Live life to the fullest that you are emotionally and physically able to do. Came across this video compilation of our society and culture, the speaking was from a TED talk of Live Life to the Fullest by Steve Maraboli. Video in the background comes from a TED conference video made by Louie Schwartzberg. Collection created by YouTuber danoshow merged the speech, pictures, and music. Initially, I was not going to post this because I kept thinking that I could not live as he was describing. I was picturing my dream of acres of land and living off it. On the edge of the area, a bookstore/craft shop on the side of the property.

watch Video Compilation by danoshow

I may or may not reach that dream, but if I get up every morning to work toward that. That is a win because I am not letting my mental and physical health situation confine my living or dreaming—personal meaning of the compilation, the diversity of our society and culture around us as individuals. I have mentioned before living life to the fullest can even be getting up in the morning and eating breakfast. Not binge eating taking a walk instead, reading a book or scripture instead of sleeping the day away, having a fruit smoothie in the morning instead of ice cream, going into work instead of calling off or walking even if there are limitations such as holding onto a cane. Get up and strive to journey with your flaws, not let them hold you back. May mean redefining goals or even keep striving for them; you are the designer of your journey. Even when that journey is getting to the park bench with the perfect view that day, tomorrow is another day. Another day on the trip may see more done or just sitting on the park bench half-way to the original destination; an effort was made that is all that matters. Create your trip-tik (AAA), mapquest, or travel plan that works for you, health, and responsibilities.

Here are the videos first one is the compilation. Two and three are the original postings. All are motivating in their way.  

  1.  Danoshow –
  2.  Moving Art – 
  3.  Steve Maraboli – Could not locate the TedTalk but did find it on Vimeo of a Q & A.

May next week be a success in whatever shape or form.

Below is my copy and past attempt at uplifting ideas and humour, sadly for some working on my humor is not on my evolving project lists (Sorry). Minion picture and motivation quote – 

Love Minions I feel like they represent the service industry (retail, housekeeping, waitress, hairdresser, etc).  We are the workers without the respect for the hard work that we do. Cannot count the times I have been asked, 'When are you going to get a real job.' ugh people can't live with them or without them.
Love Minions I feel like they represent the service industry (retail, housekeeping, waitress, hairdresser, etc). We are the workers without the respect for the hard work that we do. Keep up the great work even without the public accolades. Society cannot live out us but do not know how to acknowledge that.
Cannot count the times I have been asked, ‘When are you going to get a real job.’ ugh people can’t live with them or without them.

FYI – still not in a good spot anxiety wise for reading and responding to comments. But leaving the comments section open. Maybe I will jump off the anxiety cliff and begin reading them in the future. Please no one hold their breath because this is an aspect of life that is years old. I have to build myself up to just listen to voicemails or read email responses. So yeah no hope soon of me working on this path in my life journey.


AAA trip tik Definition,, With this complete road trip planner, you can also access AAA Travel Guides and Road Trips companion resources. Travel Guides provide in-depth destination information with links to articles, videos, travel tips, and more. Road Trips illustrated with maps and images nearly 500 worthwhile and scenic drives throughout North America, with a descriptive narrative for each leg and recommended things to see and do, including GEM attractions offering an excellent experience for members.

thedanoshow (YouTuber), Live Life to the Fullest, Dr. Steve Maraboli, Ted Talks,

Moving Art, Gratitude,

Steve Maraboli, A Life Well Lived,

Minion Inspiration Quote,–minions–funny-minion.jpg

Motivation Follow-up

Was going to title this Motivation Follow-up and Daily Stress Idea but that just looks so wrong. Well here is my Monday and early Tuesday. Thank you to those that enjoyed the last post. Stay safe and emotionally well. Over used at this point but we truly are in this together it may look different for each of us but we all have stressors that we will have a hard time with.

Daily stress during this time of Pandemic Shelter-in place has been draining. Listened to The Good Guys Wear Masks – Still Untitled: The Adam Savage Project – 4/7/20, this was a wide variety of subjects from masks, stress (time stamp 7.40 – 12.00 and 20.00), tv binge-watching, motivation (26.19), and assorted other stuff. It was nice to see that others are feeling stressed about everything going around us and how they are individually handling their emotional place. Ideas for relaxing and activities found to fill in the hours. It was peaceful for a time to know I was not alone in being stressed by what is happening around us as a whole. Their ideas about motivation and how they handled it was useful. 

Hopefully I can continue to work on being productive.  Concerned for the see-saw I was looped in of motivation and no motivation. The lack of motivation reminded me of an article I read out of The Washington Post, acknowledging the lack of motivation is okay. Don’t feel like ‘getting things done’? It’s okay not to be productive during a pandemic; by Sunny Fitzgerald, April 6, 2020, at 11:00 am EDT, I found this helpful when I overthink my moments when my thirty-minute break turns into an hour or two of just nothing. My thoughts run the gamut of-how can I be so lazy? No wonder I can get nothing done. All-time favorite negative reflection is no wonder I am not a success. 

Honestly, what is success? We have the world’s view, but it is what the world as a whole has created and run by individuals. As individuals, we contribute to life in our own way. Be it a simple way or complex. From a business success for me personally, emotionally, do I genuinely want to be an individual that runs a country, company, or any vast corporate/institutionalized subject and be responsible for everything, be it creative success or destruction. The answer for me is no, that is not who I am. Who am I, though in this world of the current chaos and past success and failure? I am not sure some days. Do I want to judge myself by financial success, friendships, clean home, work accolades, and even more? Will you look at that I have gone, and sidetracked myself again on a whole other train of thought. Something to return to and it is an aspect of life I spend a lot of time contemplating. I need to return to what I am concentrating on now, which is the decluttering of my family home.

Previously mentioned that to address my lack of motivation, I would work on breaking my day down into 30-minute increments. Has shown some progress not as much as I would like, but that may also be that I am harder on myself than I should. Noticed I lost momentum after I sat through the 2 pm Ohio News Conference. With that in mind, there are some ideas that I am going to implement on Wednesday to see if these changes will help to achieve more.

The idea is to work with a room by room cleaning list, daily cleaning list, and project list. Due to my perceived defects, I have made in the past multiple attempts of decluttering and routine. Down below is a copy of one of many list attempts from 2013. This desire to downsize and clean on a routine is an ongoing struggle. Physically and emotionally I become exhausted, and I overthink my perceived failure to work through my limitations. Kickstarting out of the stop becomes long due to the anxiety-inducing nature of making changes in long-held emotional routines. Feelings of frustration and negativity toward my mind, not being able to control itself. Thankfully as the years move forward, the length of time becomes less as I take the time to step back and understand it is okay as a person to have limitations. We are not a one size fits all thought process that will work well for one person may not all the time work for another. As we learn and grow about who we are, we can take pieces and parts of other people’s actions or lack thereof and move toward an action plan of improvement that works for our circumstances. There are many articles and books in this respect that I plan to review and see what works for me.

I did have some success on Monday and slightly felt accomplished as I watched the OH News Conference. I started a sorting project that was stationary. The project was bagging my cables and chargers collecting in a cardboard box. Yes, I know from a Green Living and Zero waste perspective this is not a good method but have not found a way that fits those two living aspects, which I strive for, will leave for a future project. Currently, computer cables and phones with chargers bagged. Cables and Phones are in separate containers.

One of the cable containers. There are 2 more pictures after the to do list and references.

have found over the years that bagging the Cables and Phones worthwhile decreases the snarled mess and re-purchasing stuff that we already have. Before this sorting, I was able to declutter one of the tables in our kitchen that we purchased for food prep and bread making. I need to contemplate where I am going to take this sense of accomplishment before I lose again to loss of energy or anxiety of doing things too slowly.   

The Front Room of our home seems to be an excellent place to start, which has become a dumping ground for forgotten small projects toward sorting and decluttering. This cluttered mess began in this room because we do not use our front door, and I had previously hoped to change it into an exercise area. With our shelter in place looking to continue into June, maybe July; these months are based on the Ohio Medical Director saying we may peak in End of April to mid-May since we have no centralized testing to determine who is asymptomatic and who is not. There will be a slow return to normal. With that in mind returning the front room to an exercise area seems to be a priority. Well that is it for Monday will see how I do on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Tuesday may not be too productive as a Home Health Aide. I need to be at my clients home at 6 am. Feeling fatigued more than normal. This is from sinuses and whatever over the last two years of constant fatigue so we shall see how that goes. Stay safe and take care of yourself physically and emotionally they all go hand and hand so we can find who we are proud of being.


The Good Guys Wear Masks – Still Untitled: The Adam Savage Project – 4/7/20,

Don’t feel like ‘getting things done’? It’s okay not to be productive during a pandemic, By Sunny Fitzgerald, April 6, 2020, at 11:00 am EDT,

4/6/2020 – 2 pm Ohio News Conference ( Changes in how many people are allowed in stores at a time and aisle one way at a time. Our retail industry is doing a fantastic job. Reminder to wear our masks, job board with employment needs, social distancing, staying home, hospital expansion, and what aspects of our infrastructure is doing to help. Alluded that DeWine will look at manufacturing returning to the Ohio area. Review of information in regards to the Federal Prison and State Prison positive COVID-19 cases. Addressed returning snowbirds that they are welcome but to remember to quarantine for 14 days. There was a lot more.

Sample of a past list that did not work for me. (the original landscaped)

Elena’s DailySun.MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturday
Get up on time (4:30 am) go to bed on time (9:30 pm)             
Devotional Time With God             
Bible Study             
Laundry (fold, put away, deliver dirty to washing machine and start, swap to dryer, retrieve…)             
Clean a room (30 minutes or till done)   Front RoomKitchenGame RoomBedroomOfficeBack Bathroom
Clean a room (30 minutes or till done)   Laundry RoomFront BathroomCC RoomSewing/ Craft RoomFront HallwayBack Hallway
Awana Studying       
Exercise (30 min am and pm             
School Work CC and Me (2 hour ea)       
Sweep or Mop a Room       
Put out clothes for the next day (Bill and Me)       
Pack lunch for the next work day (Bill and Me)       
Video game with CC       
Unsure how to fix the image but the original was a landscape sheet
Elena’s DailySun.MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturday
Get up on time (4:30 am) go to bed on time (9:30 pm)             
Devotional Time With God             
Bible Study             
Laundry (fold, put away, deliver dirty to washing machine and start, swap to dryer, retrieve…)             
Clean a room (30 minutes or till done)   Front RoomKitchenGame RoomBedroomOfficeBack Bathroom
Clean a room (30 minutes or till done)   Laundry RoomFront BathroomCC RoomSewing/ Craft RoomFront HallwayBack Hallway
Awana Studying       
Exercise (30 min am and pm             
School Work CC and Me (2 hour ea)       
Sweep or Mop a Room       
Put out clothes for the next day (Bill and Me)       
Pack lunch for the next work day (Bill and Me)       
Video game with CC       

Motivation or the Lack thereof…

Unsure if there are others with this feeling of no motivation and loss of hours watching YouTube, reading, or clearing up my email since our life was slowed by the 2020 shelter in place for the safety of everyone due to COVID-19. Emotionally/Mentally, torn as a wife, mother, homeschool mom of a depressed but creative seventeen-year-old, Part-Time employee as a Home Health Aide, and homemaker. Currently, my husband is still working at an Engineering company in IT. I am striving to remove myself from worrying about others when I cannot assist. Family dynamics and the individual I care for part-time is in the high-risk health category—even acknowledging the guilt that does not sufficiently decrease the anxiety drain.  

With all this, my motivation to work on short or long term put off projects are still not there. I tried starting Spruce.Com article 4 Easy Steps to Reclaim Your Home from Clutter and Disorganization. This particular read started me listing each room and what needs done. Made it as far as the rooms list that was three days ago, became overwhelmed with listing the individual needs of each room. Was watching Adam Savage Q&A (3/31/20, Part 2) one of the visuals he made to a question posted about motivation. He made mention that when things were so overwhelming take it in small increments, which struck home more for me, which reminded me of an earlier article on that may be a better idea to start on the clutter to downsize. Before tackling the decluttering, I am going to figure out a reward for myself. 

The prize will either be a mix of working on an art project, bible study, blogging, watching a video, reading an article, or a nap. What will my day look like? I think I will return to what has worked in the past until my allergies, fatigue, or headaches flair up—using a kitchen timer for 30-minutes for a task and a 30-minute break. For some, this will come off slightly OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Progress has been made over the years from using Excel marked with exact times 5:00 am, getting up, 5:05 am teeth, 5:15 am, taking a shower, etc., then getting upset when reality put me behind. Changing to 30-minute chunks of time releases me from the stress of keeping to an extreme regimented schedule. To-Do lists used to be on ledger pads and one to two pages long. After two days of trying to keep to an illogical/impractical schedule and task lists, I would become depressed over the perceived failure that would take weeks to drag myself out of. 

The weeks on end of perceived failure is what keeps building clutter because my previous routine style is unobtainable till I declutter and prioritize. So let’s start the journey again of trying another path that may or may not work only time will tell. Life is about adaptation and success as individuals we must search for the silver lining even among the perceived failures. For every half hour of success is one more piece of paper in recycling or in a box going toward Goodwill or Salvation Army once they open again after this COVID-19 shelter in place here in Ohio. Failure is another item off the table of ideas allowing me to move forward to a style that will work for me as an individual.

One final note for me I have chosen to decrease the amount of reading or to watch the documentation or news reports in regards to the COVID-19 the redundant questions of politicians or specialists the attacks based on political affiliation, we need to adjust the finger-pointing to after the crisis. Now is the time to concentrate on saving lives first and planning how to keep our economy afloat and reintegrate our world to a new normal when the curve of the disease has safely flattened out—my goal to watch just Ohio’s daily 2 pm news briefing. Hopefully, I can keep that plan to decrease my current stress and frustration.

Watched my state’s 2 pm News Conference 4/4/2020, a variety of subjects covered. One of them is that Psychiatrists and Psychologists are being allowed to take on new patients without a face to face appointment; this is wonderful because that is an aspect of our family’s needs. I am sure there are other people as well. The most important to me was how we as a state we’re going to follow through on our CDC suggestion of wearing a mask. Asked to wear the masks and the Ohio website is providing cleaning, proper wearing, and the making of fabric masks.

The positive words are great, but this truly hits my social anxiety buttons. How do I work through emotionally that wearing a mask is so apparent? My thoughts, even though I know they are illogical. It does not stop me from thinking about them and having them impact my actions. Will I be made fun of for wearing the mask and no one else is? Will I be made fun of for wearing a black one this is what I have available? Dr. Acton did have a great analogy of this is a cultural change. Great thought, but still, I struggle with my feelings of this change in a daily routine. What I have done to work around my anxiety of being made fun of is to create a small bag of supplies that I will have in a carry bag in my car. Small bag/purse will have set of plastic gloves, cloth mask, container with a couple lysol wipes, and pair of thin plastic coated work gloves. My bag is set-up so it is compact, easy to sanitize, and refill. (see below). Please be aware the below bag is not approved by any officials this is personal, that allows me to work around my anxiety and be prepared. Another aspect of the update that gave me frustration is that our local government has received no direction from our Federal Government on how to disperse the money for the gig and self-employed citizens. Why is our Federal leadership not working on this if they are where are they in sending this out Ohio leadership is not expecting a response for a month?  Not an aspect of our world I can fix so all I can do is try not to think about it. 

This is it for me today. I am going to keep working on decluttering with the intention of downsizing.  

Have a great day and stay safe during this change of culture and daily life.

What I have in my bag and the containers I store them in. (lol-yes they are labeled)
Fits in a small bag, allowing for easy grab, put away, and cleaning once I have made it back home.

The information mentioned above: How to Organize Your Home, 4 Easy Steps to Reclaim Your Home from Clutter and Disorganization, Written by Sarah Aguirre, Updated 10/12/19,

Adam Savage Video time stamp 12:39: How to Declutter Your Home, Room by Room, Written by Elizabeth Larkin, Updated 08/09/19,

OCD Definition from Mayo Clinic Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

Ohio COVID19 (Cloth Face Coverings (Masks) COVID-19 Checklist, April 04, 2020, | COVID-19)