Over the years, I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the future, and I may post that daily struggle from my perspective. Back on 3/25/2020, I concentrated on how I see the world around me during week two of COVID-19 stay at home request order here in Ohio. I much respect our Ohio leadership, and the lack of bipartisan outward media covered bickering. The 2 pm Live session has been instrumental in keeping calm and decreasing the anxiety that I could be feeling based on the future uncertainty of our current world. On the other hand, in watching the live sessions of our federal government, I am saddened, and I have to stop because they exacerbate the anxiety. After all, our elected politicians cannot work together and that it is all about their popularity or fiscal bottom line. I do appreciate that after a week, they were able to compromise somewhat so things can move forward even though if I read correctly from CNN payments may not be seen till May, of course, I usually read Time Magazine, New York Times or the Washington Post. (https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/stimulus-checks-senate-deal-includes-individual-payments-but-dont-expect-the-money-until-at-least-may/ar-BB11GLpv?ocid=bingtonews).  

Unsure why, where and how our political arena is so immature and unproductive, I am still in hope/prayer that this current medical/financial crisis will bring the best from people. However, in watching the live debates, that feeling is low.  

Home wise the need to stay home is not much of a shift. My husband and I rarely leave our house unless to work or to a maybe once a week trip grocery shopping. I have concluded though that my food shopping before COVID might label me a mini hoarder. Because except for ½ gallon of milk, we are just now considering leaving the house to fill in some pantry bald spots in regards to fresh items my husband enjoys.  Before anyone worries about the dynamic of our marriage I enjoy a wider variety of vegetables and to fill that need of variety I order my vegetables delivered on a bi-weekly basis from Perfectly Imperfect Produce https://www.perfectlyimperfectproduce.com/) for me this offers me a small variety so I am not buying large amounts that I end up throwing out.  I also like that they donate a portion to food shelters.

Anxiety and depression, I am concerned for others around me due to the shock and unable to meet up and talk it out as a group. Prayerfully they research and keep informed with the local news. For myself, I am still numb, unsure where and how to move forward, taking on some tasks I have ignored concerning deep cleaning, taken in small batches due to a list of physical health concerns. Motivation to move forward in looking for work from home is a question. Do I still pursue, or do I wait? Is it wrong looking for additional employment outside of caring for an individual person, four days a week for a couple of hours a day? One of many areas of thought my anxiety gets me in trouble, those never-ending thoughts that stop me from moving forward in life. For others, and even my husband, who goes and does it, where I waffle on what is the right decision. What if I mess up/fail, should I, and how will it impact others? As research shows, the anxiety moves into depression because I should be more durable than that, and I am so stupid for just going and doing.

So for today (3/25/2020), I have accomplished the daily basics and not much else, which is frustrating and sad because I have worried more about moving forward than doing. We shall see tomorrow if I can accomplish more.

Will you look at that!  A week has passed and my fear of failure out waded my desire to post/blog. This morning (4/1/2020) I read a Time article that expanded on the earlier CNN article about  May date for stimulus checks. The May dates were for the large segment of our society that does not have a bank account to have the payment sent to, and they need or choose to have their IRS check mailed every year. The article was ‘A Double Whammy.’ Those who Most Need the $1,200 Stimulus Checks May Wait for the Longest to Get Them—written by Abby Vesolis and Alana Abramson on March 31, 2020, https://time.com/5812750/stimulus-unbanked-checks-coronavirus/. For now, this is just a collaboration of my thoughts from March 25 to early am of April 1, 2020.  

Life will move forward as I strive to overcome my fears and I can expand and blog my thoughts and the daily struggle of not letting anxiety and depression conquer a life that can be well-lived.  Prayerfully see you soon on this journey of self-discovery of who I can be.