Heat in Ohio has been draining at 90 plus all week with no central air, just fans and Arctic Air (https://www.buyarcticair.com/). Side note: the Artic Air does work and keeps my desk area cool enough for me to work at. I did not accomplish as much as my mind wanted to but have to say I am proud of what I was able to accomplish. Keep striving to remind me that success comes in many different shapes and sizes.
Success for me is another eight boxes of clothing and housewares to Goodwill. I renewed my Social Worker Assistant certification, which is thirty hours of Continued Education Credits. I was able to adjust my thought that it was okay that I did not walk this week. Healthwise it was not safe. Acknowledge and upload my cluttered mess that I am striving to remove.
Removing clutter/hoarding is hard because you never know when you will need it, always been my go-to thought. I have to acknowledge that to move forward emotionally and physically. I can not make life changes if I do not toss and recycle. It has felt great to downsize and keep working on it and got one four-shelf metal shelving emptied and refilled with my clothes that I am trying to downsize or prioritize.
Honestly the beginning of the week was moving toward negative because I did not feel the pop of energy I was planning on using my C-PAP machine for my sleep apnea. Nevermind the device excerpted my sinus. I have a message into my specialist to see if there is anything I can do to counteract that without taking another medication. I have had some success with an essential oil mix I use from Doterra called Breathe, mix it with coconut oil, and dab under my nose before I sleep. They also have a roll-on already mixed. It seems to decrease the sinus agitation but does not entirely remove it, which may not be possible. But we shall see. PLEASE, if you try this, either verify you do not have any allergies to the ingredient list or check with your doctor if you are lucky and have one that accepts alternative trying methods. I have not had any luck in my area except my chiropractor that my insurance will cover.
All and all will rate this emotionally as a success. Going to strive to work next week on my planned reviews of a professional explaining general anxiety that I started a couple of weeks ago and my scriptural anxiety continuation.
Signing off, keep striving for your version of personal success. It looks different to everyone. We all have struggles, some are more visible than others. Thank you to those who keep reading.
Media over the Week I found helpful in keeping going forward away from the triggers to my anxiety and depression of not fitting into the louder constructive opinions.
Song from Before July 4th
Just love the reminder that even during all this negative chaos and hypocrisy around the country, there is still a segment of our society concentrating on their skills and gifts to lift others and remind us of the importance of freedom, family, and caring others.
Below is another church message from Tony Evans about the Cultural Issues. I do find his research and ability to give biblical and current visuals well. Warning: I have discovered when he speaks/preaches from the pulpit, his voice does raise in volume (sounds like yelling to me at least). The message just struck a chord to me, reflecting the society and culture diversity does bring home that as individual people, we are responsible for how we live. Even in the Bible, there were examples of hypocrisy by believers.
For me, it helped when I kept struggling with watching the media and the severe separations of ideas on face masks, racism, and statue destruction. Keep hold of concentrating on treating those around me with respect and voting for politicians that are striving to vote based on the laws written by our forefathers and when possible biblical.
I started this at 330 am on Friday, had an insomnia night. I cannot take the medication because it is too late and allow me to function at work in four hours. Figured I would start my review early instead of Saturday as usual.
I had a great week and was able to walk 2 miles with my daughter Tuesday and Thursday. It made me super tired the next day but was able to add walking, which was great. This Friday, I finally received a C-Pap machine again; unfortunately, they will not allow me to use my old ones. These are expensive, it is close to $800, and that is with insurance. Okay, going to stop that thought review medical and insurance lack of coverage frustrates me. Side note still trying to find somewhere to donate my two old ones, Was suggested to contact the VA (Veterans Affairs), has not heard from anyone.
With the hope this time, the machine will help me sleep through the night, the last two did not. Between the apnea and depression, my energy is limited. Should this work where I truly start to declutter and Anxiety wise do I lay myself bare and show my real journey of hoarding/clutter? So many ideas, but my brain keeps short-circuiting on the way to proper completion. Well, slightly tired, so hopefully I can sleep for an hour and pick this review back up on Saturday like I usually do.
Well did not succeed in picking up working on the review Saturday. Unsure if this decrease in energy is the 90-degree weather with no air conditioner or the fact that my body is adjusting to a little more sleep. We will see as the week goes forward.
I have to say that I feel successful. I was able to add walking, got another four boxes of stuff donated, and shifted some furniture around to determine if I was going to keep or give some furniture pieces. Light week for my Anxiety and depression, which is excellent. Part of it, I think, was going back to limiting my news watching and trying not to fix a culture schism that I have little direct contact with for a real change. Additionally, I was able to add more exercise and time with my daughter to my time.
Short but do not have much to review from this week except I did finally also put together what I have for a posting on Anxiety and scripture that I have been scared to post. Scared to insult due to how we all walk our lives differently, but if I live my life scared to present my ideas, I might stop now. Which is honestly not something I want to do. I have found great enjoyment in putting my thoughts and creativity on paper. Have a great week, and we will see how this one moves forward since my area of the world is having another 90 degrees weather week.
Was a successful week emotionally. Wow, that is amazing that I can write that right from the get-go. The beginning of the week started slowly and picked up speed as the week moved to completion. I’m not sure how I can replicate it in the future or accept the amazing and celebrate it when it repeats.
The week started roughly due to needing a tooth pulled and a temporary bridge put in. Choose to go home without pain killers even at the end of the week, still unsure what prompted me to agree to that. My dentist said something odd that got me thinking about myself that I am still uncertain about how to think through. He was under the impression that I did not do pain killers; he would be correct. How do I present myself that a professional would guess that? Going to leave that alone, I think, because nothing will be gained by overthinking. I did stay working in the mornings and work a little slower on my home responsibilities.
I was able to continue on my house care items but continue to work on downsizing. Downsizing is extremely slow going. Keep getting bogged down with keeping stuff that I genuinely do not need. The memory is inducing items I am taking a photo, putting a story with the picture, then Goodwilling the thing. But that takes time and energy that I keep having and not having.
Sleep study results finally came in having medium level sleep apnea. Already knew that from past tests going to for the third time, try a c-pap machine. Hopefully, with this specialist, I can find a resolution to the fact that I still wake up between the hours of 1 – 3 am even with the device. So that was some good and bad news. I was still waiting to hear from the company that will provide the equipment. Hopefully, the insurance will pay for it thoroughly, and I will not have a severe bill. The sleep study had a several hundred price tag that was hard to cover. Well, let’s strive not to over-worry about that while I have no information till they call.
Another great thing was I was able to work through my anxiety again and started my YouTube channel. It is not much, but I was looking for a place that I could place daily rambling thoughts. I was looking for a place that I could upload those five to ten-minute anxiety and depression inducing feelings that I would love to talk to someone about but have no one. I wanted to start the page just to let people know they are not alone. We all have good days and bad days. Was not a full success with my anxiety, I have a real worry about showing my face, so I film the sky or trees. Today was a look of me driving while I was talking. Posting is entirely rough and unscripted. Concentration is the spur of the moment thoughts that are pushing at my anxiety. The part is that I am presenting an unprofessional image, but that is not what I was going for in the first place—one more aspect of trying to help myself and maybe someone else that may be struggling. Also, feeling alone with those irrational anxiety thoughts that we can not always control even if we would love to.
I have to say I’m not happy with my minimal progress on downsizing, but that is putting myself down and downplaying my growth. Very happy that I have moved through my anxiety of being public and not striving for perfection when uploading my YouTube submission. Additionally, part of my sense of peace came from the fact that I limited my watching news media to just local.
Here is the link for the You Tube video. Transparency it is just a rough rambling thoughts. So please do not expect professional it is just a person wanting to show life with mental health in a honest walk. Have other videos working on to add.
Sitting and considering this week with my desire to find the positive in a negative week. This week was the hardest to move toward seeing success. Anxiety was expansive and draining. Due to my sleep apnea and periodic nights of insomnia that leaves me tired anyway, I skate the edge of exhaustion daily. Anxiety adds one more level of drain. Where do I find the positive in a week of failures?
I am no stranger to failure. Is that failure a personal perception or just fact? If looked at from the lens of ‘normal’ answer is yes. The answer to yes is from the point that I am only working 32 hours a week, maintain the basics of home care, motivating my daughter to finish her classes this last week of school, work on blog posts/T-shirt design, care for pets, and cooking dinner. I did not sort much in my goal of downsizing. So the personal perspective of the ordinary is that I did not achieve an average week. One if asked by others that I would not be embarrassed to review with an outsider. With that thought, I am looking at this week as an utter failure. The choice of being transparent is that perfection is a personal perception and that success is in how you look at life. How do I find success in my muddy pond of perceived failure?
Let’s begin with an acceptance that last week I had a plan for my sleeping medication, and due to events out of my control, I was not able to follow through. Sleep is such a significant component of my energy. Not being able to add more rest impacted my strength—the exhaustion presented by falling asleep at my desk. Additionally, due to lack of sleep or a shift in my hormone levels, my anxiety was worse.
Anxiety is a daily battle of over the top concern that I am letting people down. This week was infinitely worse. My husband chose to do something for me. I thanked him for doing it. Mentally though, I immediately started to prepare an apology that he had to do something that I usually do but had not achieved. Also, developing excuse was the mental drowning of what a failure I am, that my husband works full time, and the primary provider had to take care of a piece of home care because I fell asleep when I got home from work. Well, did that not look pathetic or what? Yeah, anxiety is a deep hole of muck and mire that pulls you down to a level that you feel like you are constantly drowning in failure. So far, this does not get me closer to digging out of the muck and mire and moving to a clean pond of success.
I was dredging the week’s muck and mire, maybe if I looked at what was different. Started Monday well, I had gotten two good nights of sleep and was able to follow my created to-do list to the letter. That always gives me a level of peace. Monday afternoon worked on a box of clutter and finished preparing our home for hot weather and setting up the portable air conditioner. While at work in the evening, the cat injured himself. I stayed up to early am Tuesday, making sure it was a sprain, not a break, and shifting the cat’s favorites to my room where he was away from the dog. Monitoring stretched into Wednesday evening until I had to verify with the vet on Thursday the leg sprained not broken. It was, which is excellent. Okay, so reality check my energy started heading to zero because with monitoring the cat, I did not take any of my evening meds like planned. One negative down and mental muck discarded where it belongs to the trash heap of failure that I am striving not to live.
On the next level of muck, Tuesday and Thursday were full of appointments. It is allowing me not to keep to my daily schedule, even though following the plan is essential to me, feeling triumphant when I accomplish caring for home and family. With being tired and a variety of appointments, the schedule could not be maintained, struggling that this is okay. Life has impasses, and we need to move through them, not let them stop us. Muck of illogical thought is sticking on this subject. The home and family should have care done to them even in times of distraction and exhaustion. With a partial acceptance, it is okay that I did not accomplish all that I wanted to in weekly care—moving on to the final illogical level of anxiety muck.
Next is that even though I made positive remarks and acceptance about my T-shirt designs and being okay with them not selling. Internally I am a liar. I created for the T-shirts, not having any sales, and consumed with reading comments left on Facebook. Reinforced by the fact that I read a post on my page because I liked and followed the store page. One of the individuals on my personal Facebook page commented that she was probably going to stop going on Facebook because of all the ads. My anxiety automatically assumed she was offended by my shirt design about face masks. Both aspects bother me and that this adds to my internal mucky lies of failure. I do have a positive that I did have strength in myself to create the Facebook page and invest in advertising, even though the consequences triggered an anxiety attack. When searching for the precise truth out of all the emotional muck that my mind has created this week?
With great struggle, I can see that there was a success even though my anxiety makes it difficult to understand. Success for me a short time is that another person’s reaction is not about me, and that is okay. No one was hurt. My husband helped around the house, and I thanked him for not acting like he had done something wrong because I was worried that I could not get to it. A creative outlet is just that the store was for creativity, not financial, and with the pandemic worldwide, people are concerned about how to live with less, and getting something not food-related is low on the purchase list. Also, things do not happen immediately. Emotionally this week was a success. This success comes from the perspective that I am not dwelling on my perceived failure of the week, after digging through the muck of illogical anxiety-driven thought. Many of my perceptions directed so negatively. The success is that I can acknowledge this negativity and see the positive and move toward the next week. In moving forward, I can begin fresh and try again. With this situation being repetitive, it may be time to consider returning to researching anxiety at both an education level and scriptural level. Past, neither was a cure-all but allowed me not to be stuck in the muck of my thoughts for weeks just days.
Here is a favorite drawing, I do not know the creator; it has been years since I saw it, and I cut it paste it into a document.
Just a gentle reminder to balance out the protests and life daily struggles this week, I ran across What’s the World Coming to? Song, with video by Home Free in their album Dive Bar Saints. I found it very uplifting, and for me, a beautiful reminder that bad days are okay, we need to learn from them and move forward. Have a great week.
Home Free – What’s the World Coming To? (Official Music Video)
Side note: Due to the protests, May the World keeps moving toward accepting everyone as equals and individuals, including cultural, social, ethnic, financial, political, and belief. I know it is a pipe dream, but it never hurts to pray for equal healing and understanding. My thoughts are with both the peaceful protestors and the law enforcement that are just trying to do the best they can. The protestors to peacefully get their point across and the law enforcement to protect the people. Both sides of the equation have people of violence. May the media strive to show the peaceful and the force and not just push at only the intensity because that raises the ratings. Any death of a civilian unprovoked is wrong, but responding by destroying property not even connected to the actual situation solves nothing. Here in Ohio, many restaurants were damaged and looted, and cars burned. What does that genuinely gain except to reinforce outsiders’ opinion that violence needs to respond with force? Some did respond with a positive response. Not taking a position, because I do not have enough unbiased information, just an opinion based on current and past protests. I support those that strive to peacefully get their point across even if it will not change unless tests can be done to weed out racism in all forms. Then there would be no one because we all have some form of racism in us. Another aspect to maybe pursue is not shaming our law enforcement and acknowledge that their jobs are stressful and they need professional care before they make a harmful decision on a civilian. PTSD I am sure is part of the police force just as it is in the military. Just not something talked about because they are our protectors. Most of all work on fiscal, communication, and educational equality for those impacted by their generational circumstances. Not justifying the wrong being done right now by either side. Just giving a different perspective to the increased violence. Below is a variety of videos from this weekend in the Cleveland, Ohio area. Sorry for so many just such an amazing variety, could have included more.
Random Observations 