Diversity of Perception

FeaturedDiversity of Perception

People are fascinating! This fascination has increased as my years here on earth continue. Searching for understanding and living as part of this earth with mental health needs sees my anxiety foundation to please whoever I meet even at my health cost. This pursuit of understanding people and my anxiety; developed my purpose of understanding was through a Bachelor of Psychology, watching tv, and reading books, articles, and the Bible. This Research increases the feeling that people, no matter a small village of twenty in the backcountry or an urban sprawl of three million, we will live to disagree on all subjects, large or small. Diversity is a fantastic ingredient to living life to the fullest or complete chaos. As individuals, we must choose to engage in this life around peace, mediation, frustration, or anger.

Diversity of people and living seen through the subjects people pursue to have an opinion. The opinion of faith, religion, music, social media, houses, fashion/clothing, furniture, churches, politics, rules, and so many more. Childishly I struggle with why we cannot just get along; it would make my anxiety so much easier to live. Suppose I did not have to worry about how I spoke to someone and how they will perceive what I have said as an attack or agreement on the facts that I base my decisions and opinions. Opinions have become subject to the idea, turning them into fact-based on where and how they presented in social media and private conversation. Added fuel to the fire of discontent that some feel. Rationally I know that people will always feel differently than I, and I cannot please everyone but the mind has different ideas. I am still doing my ostrich routine of touching base briefly on subject matters important to me and the current worldview and watching national news, leading me to find two YouTube presentations. The presentations are about monuments and racism and a celebrity choice in responding to these 2020 contentious subjects.

CBS Sunday Morning – A monumental reckoning with Mo Rocha 10/11/2020

Mo Rocha of CBS Sunday Morning presented a piece about Monuments of Historical figures and how since May of 2020, there has been a push to have all removed. The first individual he spoke with was Eric Armstrong Dunbar, a Rutgers History Professor and Author who sees George Washington as one of our founding fathers and a slaveholder. Got me thinking about the Diversity of our Perception toward different subjects. These perceptions were made, by how we grew up, lifestyle, culture, society, research topics and origins, and our mental health position. George Washington shows how our lifestyle, community, and culture impact how we perceive people and physical representations of history and art. Found Ms. Dunbar, perception of monuments and how above elevated people and the power of over us. Personally, my perception is that it is over a top idea. I can see what she is saying, but why do we have to put so much thought into a piece of metal that many may not even know who it is except that we need to meet if we get lost in a new city. Additionally, it does reinforce the cultural and societal positioning at the time of statue installation.   

Another historical figure was Christopher Colombus’s removal and the perception of his statue based on culture and advocacy to the political arena at the time of installation. The Italian Americans had him put up as pride and response to them in 1890, but others see him as a figure of oppression. Mo Rocha spoke to Lonie Bunch of the Smithsonian about statues taken down and their place in history. His position is that statues should present today’s value and the challenge that would become. That the changes to the figures should become part of a discussion, and discussion is not taking place. Ms. Dunbar was of a similar mind, but her words supported the destruction of the current ones based again on the opinion/perception that rage fueled the attacks. A rage becomes physical attacks. Another author interviewed presenting a different perception of the situation.

Richard Brookhiser comes from the thought that humility should be part of the discussion. Loved his phrase, ‘If you are only going to have statues of perfect people, you are going to be left with Jesus Christ.’ As a believer, I agree that someone may completely oppose their personal experiences of Jesus Christ and religion. He has written about many of our founding fathers. He compensated for his position at George Washington’s role in our history. Lonie Bunch also feels that our historical people should give a foundation for discussion to change the landscape of understanding and diversity of culture statues.

Philadelphia, in 2017 placed a statue of Octavius Catto, a murdered 19th-century civil rights activist. Why do our children not learn of this level of history also?  

Learned that statues toppled in anger have been happening since we have been putting them up in response to what we perceive is the good of our historical people. Then removed as history change so personal perception is this destruction should be a part of the conversation and another shift in culture that prayerfully will not turn into a Civil War that will kill 700,000. I considered trying to find actual numbers of blacks killed versus police who died in the line of duty. I wonder what the real numbers will show, but again perception of presented statistics would make that search difficult. Unsure if I genuinely want an answer because it is not something I can fix. Additionally, just seeing the diversity of thoughts over statues and their destruction or creation is extensive.

On a positive uplifting, how as an individual can change the landscape by the choices we make in interacting with others. CBS Morning interviewed Jon Bon Jovi and his wife’s response to the 2020 hot topics. Shows that we are responsible for our actions in the positive or negative. Do we support and lift those in need or be bitter and complain about the small and large aspects of life that we perceive as important.  

CBS Sunday Morning – In Conversation: Jon Bon Jovi with Lee Cowan – (NOTE: Upon the time of posting this a week later it is no longer available and unsure why? But have left it just in care it returns.) It did talk about the new album for 2020, then postponed due to COVID. Then he looked around to the people’s needs that he could help—seen through the soup kitchen and food bank/pantry. He mentioned that the music-wise was able to move toward writing about the country situation. That song was Do What You Can. Another one toward American racial conflict in America’s Reckoning. Both amazingly fit the problem that is the foundation of what becomes confrontational opinions—striving for personal accountability of changing how we live at a one to one level, treating our fellow humans with equal care.  

I am striving to live to the best of our ability with the information we have from reputable sources. My perception/opinion of reputable sources is Research from scientists, a generalized overview from our government, and my situation.  

One aspect of current politics that is important even in this diversity of perception is that those in the United States are getting out and voting either early, absentee, or November 3rd. We are a democracy still, even though it may not feel like it to some. We do yet have a right to vote and present our opinions through the ballot box. My grandfather always said that one does not have the right to complain about decisions politicians made if one did not take the time to cast their votes.

Non-Faith-Based get out to vote, and here are two non-partisan sites. One is from 2018, so the Uber and Lyft information is not fully current, but here is the 2020 information I found (Lyft, Uber to offer discounted rides to the polls on election day, by Trevor Mogg on 9/16/2020).

How to Vote in Every State 2020

2018 Non Partisan Voting Resource by Kristin Brey

Here is a faith-based response to the need to vote that I found a great listen.  

Jonathan Evans – Official Endorsement on 10/9/2020

Thank you to those you read Random Observations. Sorry I do not respond comments maybe further on I will.

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Week Review 6/8-12/2020

This week went well for the most part.  I had a couple of anxiety spikes but was able to determine the thoughts had no foundation.  I want to call ‘thoughts had no foundation’ as irrational, but depending on my day, the word irrational makes me feel worse. Let’s journey forward to review this week’s potholes.

What made this week a success is I was able to keep specific anxiety thoughts down to less than a day.  One, I had to rely on the individual involved how they felt.  I was rather proud of myself that I could ask the next day instead of several days later.  That several days delays normally impacted those around me negatively and my energy and activities. Where does that leave me?

I think in a decent spot.  On the home front, the physical tasks it takes to run a home got done.  In my anxiousness, I only once got upset and responded negatively to my family.  Where this stems from is that taking care of the house is done by me.  My husband provides financially, and my daughter is a teen journeying to young adulthood. Motivating her has become a personal failure that is going to take me more time to accept.  For the parents out there, yes, I know it is her responsibility now.  The struggle is over reviewing her upbringing and what I could have done differently. Long way of saying I am the chief cook, bottle washer, clothes, and finances.  So when my anxiety and depression turn into more exhaustion and physical pain than my other physical limitations already give. I get frustrated with the lack of help.  So for me, I found success that I only lashed out once while I was overwhelmed.  Lashing out for me is not keeping my internal dialogue to myself and speaking out loud.

This week’s only non-resolution, and I still wobble back and forth on, is the current subject of racism and social interaction.  What I keep anxiously dwelling on even though I thought I had resolved where my place was on this?  My anxiety took me to extremes; here is my example.  I went to McDonald’s and ordered what I always did, a ‘Black Iced Coffee’.  When asked about flavoring, I said no cream, no sugar, no flavor.  Upon picking up, I got a coffee with milk in it.  Yes, this may have been a simple mistake, but my anxiety took me to extreme thinking.  I took it because I did not want to back up the drive-thru, and I had water, so I was at least not out of fluid.  Got me overthinking did they put milk in it because they responded to me using the word black.  Am I no longer allowed to order coffee black?  I have always ordered it this way.  Some will comment, say plain.  I guess I can, but is not this subject going too far that we have to worry over every little word we use.  Multiple people have lost their jobs for knee jerk comments.  Heck Netflix took Gone With the Wind off due to the subject matter are they going to do the same for the movie Roots or any other Civil War based movie or movies Like Guess who’s Coming to Dinner with Sidney Potier.  My anxiety is not dealing well with this whole situation.  

Side note while editing this Gone with the Wind is being re-uploaded with historical context prior.  Which I must say is excellent, hopeful that the historical context will be an impartial review of truth.  In regards to McDonald’s in my pain, I did contact the store, which, thinking back on it, struggled if I should have done this.  Why because my anxiety is going to place me in a position of not going back there because I may have offended someone, and they will be angry with me.   Of course, coming from that industry of customer service in retail, it is ‘irrational’ to think they will remember me when I return in two to three weeks from now since I am not a regular.

I feel selfish, saying that I am terrified about talking and interacting with people right now.  Smiling at people or waving.  We have a segment of our society saying by being silent; you are advocating racism.  How can we support when we are unsure where and what we think over a subject being reported differently and reference materials are different depending on who is presenting it?  We worry about how to speak what we are thinking and are severely unsure of how another individual reacts, or do we lose a friendship?  As the racism wrecking ball moves into legislation, how will this impact other groups that do not fit the norm when politicians are writing all-inclusive language that will make things worse.

Thoughts of a weekly review are daily anxiety I did amazingly well on, so let’s mark that a success.  On the subjects pushed by mainstream media and social media of racism, police defunding, and now the situation in Seattle, Washington occupying a whole block.  Below are a couple links to the Seattle subject; it is two of multiple postings out there all different than the next.  I feel like a failure. I cannot seem to drop the anxious thoughts impacting my daily activities.  Strive to smile and nod at everyone, no matter who they are.  Still cause worry that they are offended.    

As I work through my anxiety research project and how to interact with myself and others.  Hopefully, I have put together something that will help me find a happy medium between being aware of current news subjects but not allowing my mind to consume me by worse case thoughts.

I was going to leave my review here.  This week’s pothole on this journey called life will be a success in personal life.  Interaction on a societal level marks a failure when balanced against the media, but a success when looked at I have not allowed it to send me to an anxiety attack that put a full stop to my day and week, just a couple hours here and there.  Keep journeying forward, life looks different no matter who you are.

New York Post – What’s really going on inside the ‘Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone’  

CNN – What it’s like inside Seattle’s CHAZ

There are many other postings that can be found on Fox News, The Guardian, and more.  All saying different things. 

Thank you to those who read. Sorry for the delay in posting this. Have a great new week.

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Review 5/11-15/2020

Monday started, sitting and reviewing last week and daily task list and projects. Still feeling tired, headache, and distracted thinking. Concern that I am going to push myself to fast and crash physically as I have in the past, frustrating and disappointing. I have so many things I want to do.  

With great difficulty, I am not going to add any projects I was planning to integrate into this week. Hopefully, this will stop the physical crash I am often dealing with routinely. The other concern more than the physical exhaustion is managing my depression and anxiety because lowering my activities make me feel like a failure. Continually keeping my thoughts of failure, at-bay, will be the ultimate success.

Tuesday struggle day started at 5 am no energy or desire to get up. I did get up for work. I got home at 12:30 pm to a problem with the kitchen sink. Fortunately, my husband was working on it but as always got upset with myself, thinking I could have known about the issue before I left for work. I know deep down that it is illogical. So success was I did not let that thought stay long. Another success was my daughter did complete some more assignments. So I was able to reward her. So many things need doing, and I had no energy. The day ended after ordering food and picking up, cleaning up the kitchen, posting blog/journal entry, and having late lunch at 4 pm. I felt exhausted and nodded off at my desk. Such tough decisions lay down for 30 minutes before I did write up a list of what came to mind what needed doing. I hope that once I get back up, I will have a chance to move forward. Unsure where this great exhaustion is coming from hope I can walk through it. See how the rest of the week shapes up.

Wednesday through Friday was more of a repeat on the level of exhaustion and errands that need run. No sense repeating Monday and Tuesday in writing. Wednesday did have one aspect that I thought would take me out of the picture for awhile emotionally. A 4-year friendship that had ended mid-March for a variety of reasons resurfaced negatively. For most of Wednesday, late afternoon, and evening, I tried to understand what I had done wrong for this return. Almost called off work for the rest of the week.  

Through the internal review, I have determined not to let the situation destroy the progress I had emotionally achieved with my mental health since our friendship had ended. I had to accept that this individual’s emotional needs and negative perception of life were not something I was emotionally in a position to support personally. I had slowly been pulled further into my depression in trying to help this individual. In accepting that I was not responsible for how others perceived the situations around themselves was beneficial. Personal emotional health was essential and that sometimes we run into situations or individuals that we permanently or temporarily cannot be around. It is okay we are stronger when we understand who we are and what we are capable of deciding or accomplishing.

Success or failure is my goal for these reviews. Ask me at the beginning of the week it would have been a resounding failure. This failure determination would have been false. The week was a success. Emotionally and mentally health-wise, I am amazed and thrilled that I did not dwell on what happened with the past friendship or call asking for forgiveness that was not needed. Personally, it was a lot of prayer and a review of my goals for myself emotionally.

Physically also was a success if we squint. I was able to maintain my daily home care tasks. I was also able to spend some time emptying some boxes and prepare for a massive Goodwill run. 

Saturday morning, with my sleep apnea untreated till our hospitals return to standard testing. I need to accept and make it work with what I have for physical and mental energy. As mentioned previously, I do have medication for insomnia, which makes me extremely tired the next day, so working 7a- noon Monday to Friday does not give me the ability to take them. I did take them Friday night and slept in Saturday morning but had more energy than the rest of this week. Success for accepting I have limitations. With those limitations, though, I can strive to determine a plan to keep working on adding more to my day. It just takes longer than I would like.

Journey this week was filled with potholes of pain but was patched over with feelings of success for not regressing.

Thank you to all who take the time to read. I have included a song from Meghan Trainor – Treat Myself. This song represents how I felt on Friday when I just rested for the day with minimal guilt.

Meghan Trainor – Treat Myself