Hmm was unsure if I was going to review this past week. The depression slump I have been in does not seem to have eased up. I want this feeling of living in a fog of distraction and feeling tired. So with tentative thought, list this as a good week.
Good because I have been able to maintain care for the family. Not as much creativity as I would like, but I think that may have to because the Anxiety review that I was working on has hit some aspects of my life that have made a daily living with my depression a challenge. Additionally, weighing to return to retail work while still working as a home health aide has been an intricate decision to make to who I am and caring for my other responsibilities.
Some would ask why I want to return to such a menial low paying and disrespected work when I am doing so much work by working in the medical field. It has taken me years to accept and even now have difficulty accepting. I enjoy serving others in an anonymous capacity. Serving in retail is different. I am helping others. Giving this help is simple to some, but without the legal and emotional heartache, that other industries bring. I could move from serving in retail to serving in the psychology field. But the problem with that is that the paperwork not helping people is emotionally destructive to me. I like to keep moving physically; I die inside sitting at a desk filling out notes and questionnaires, instead of sitting and speaking to people and seeing their successes in life.
Thoughts in mind, it took some time to understand that my spike in anxiety and depression was induced by over the last three months of who and where I was the happiest working. Having enjoyment through working as a home health aide is terrific in a service aspect. In my situation, genuinely blessed because I have just one client and company that accepts that is all I want. My thoughts and prayers go to those that need to go to multiple clients. But I am in one spot with one face, and over the months, I have missed the daily interaction of total strangers and the regulars. I missed being stopped and asked a question of where something is. What was a struggle was that to return to retail is going back to being embarrassed about what I find enjoyment in that provides money to pursue my goal of paying off my school debt. Total remodel of our home so my husband I can safely stay there to the end. Where does this leave me this week on mine?. The absolute scale of success or failure?
For the personal pursuit of success or failure, this week was a success emotionally. Accepting that it is okay to work retail, this is what brings me joy. This joy even though I am on my feet for 5-8 hours and dealing with people who are cranky with no filter. Imagine facing the people that post negative or odd opinions on social media on an hourly basis, with the attitude that you did not move fast enough. Even when it is there turn, they want the same care of detail that you gave the customer before them. Yes, there are those in retail that should not be there as workers, but all industries, have people that do not work well. That is the life of employment; some preform the minimum of work and maximum of work. Where am I at home, thou?
Succes on the physical aspect I am still struggling with, but I am improving on accepting limitations. Again eighty to ninety degrees with no central air or window boxes just fans are draining, and I did not realize how much. Writing those words helps, but I still place myself at a standard I should be doing better. Success is repetitious because I am not going further into depression over the subject that my physical projects have stagnated. Hopefully, the meteorologists are correct, and my area is moving toward a cool down so I can go back to my downsizing and cleaning.
May this week find everyone well during this time of chaos on the world, national, and local stage of opinions. Exterior chaos does not mean we cannot still keep working on finding where we fit in the world that leaves us emotionally and spiritually at peace with our place.
Follow up from last week and Athletic Greens. I love it; I take it additional to my vitamin routine. Currently, once in the morning around 6 am, feel energized and clear-headed during the morning. I do dip in the early mid-afternoon, so I will monitor if that is food or mineral interaction. Given my medical deficits, I feel great after taking the Athletic Greens, assisting with energy, edema, and mild headaches. From what I can determine for me, it does not impact my depression and anxiety, maybe positively, because I could add walking and add ten more work hours to a twenty-four-hour workweek of employment that is physically demanding. The web page does market toward the sport and exercises culture, which I am none of these just the exact opposite.
May this day find everyone well. I look forward to striving to posting daily and finding my place again with an expanded work schedule and life observations.
Random Observations 