I waffled this week on what I was going to do with this post. On the one hand, I did not keep my to-do/goals of uploading researched commentary on videos I liked or found odd or continuing with my anxiety research through the medical field and biblical. Another aspect was I made no progress on accurately determining how to create and upload to YouTube readings of my posts as well as filming my walks of parks in my area and my downsizing. My mind perceives this as a failure; how do I find peace or movement away from my failure?

Realistically looking at my week would be useful, but internally I think these excuses are just that excuses I should have done better. Without further adieu, here are my excuses; sleep apnea, Hypothyroidism, Calorie intake vs. Energy expended and mental health. Let’s start on the first mark and move down the list.

Sleep Apnea is still impacting. The machine is working some, I guess, at least 3 to 4 days a week I still wake up at 3 am. The last two months and one week before the C-Pap machine taking GNC – Herbal Plus Natra Sleep, this seems to help feel slightly more rested and more energetic during the day. Before the Natra Sleep supplement and the machine, I used to get up most nights at 3 am sometimes more than once. Currently, two problems still do not think the device is entirely doing anything except exacerbating my sinuses if I stupidly forget the Ayr nasal gel. The others are I do not see my specialist till mid-September when they could fit me due to my insurance not covering and appointments after a specific date. I will check with GNC the last time the clerk mentioned another supplement that had worked better for prior customers. Those thinking melatonin, cherry juice, or sleep teas even fluid and caffeine intake before certain times of evening; have tried over the years with limited success. I have also been trying Four Sigmatic (Chill) cacao with mushrooms that have limited my 3 am from brief to fully awake that is progress. I have been using that cocoa for two weeks have not seen any impact on my mental health. Enjoy the flavor and the decrease in getting up through the evening. Putting this all down in writing does show that this has been a successful change, not perfect, but life is not perfect no matter how we try. So that is the sleep what is the next one?

Oh yeah, my thorn in my side that began since the late eighties during trade school. Hypothyroidism has been a millstone plain and straightforward. Somedays I think it is worse than mental health. Both are a constant battle. Doctors say my weight, depression, fatigue, and sleep are because of the thyroid. Medication never seems to work except to cause bills for every two-month blood work that insurance does not always cover because, in their mind, it is not all necessary. So I am unsure if this is impacting my mental health or perception. Even given the years I have had this, I am unclear how this disease truly affects me because I feel better off the medication than on. So for me, I have no explicit listing of success on this one except the accept that I will continue to research what works for me. I might add this to my list of things to research, write, and post? Guess the success that is not worse or better. So this was a small piece, but I have no clear goals or journey for this because it frustrates me more than anything. On to the next one, what was that, hmm oh yeah calorie intake and energy expended?

Like the thyroid seems to go hand in hand. By the federal BMI chart, I am obese have been since the early eighties. I strongly feel it goes hand in hand with my thyroid condition. Personal opinion and forties years of never losing weight except for five maybe fifteen pounds. I have always worked jobs that place my step count as 12,000 to 15,000 per day. When I document my food intake, I average 1,200 to 1,300 calories. Mostly eat along the lines of a gluten-free diet and sometimes treat me to toast and fast food once or twice a month. So it is not if I am living off fast food or carbohydrates all day. I also limit my soy due to its being a hormone and the thyroid impacted by foods high in hormones. Another aspect is that I never have an appetite, so I become frustrated when my doctor and dietician’s first go-to is I need to eat healthily. So after posting a question to Athletic Greens private Facebook page about increasing two daily supplements to battle the mid-day slump of energy and napping, I am still struggling. The many posts that I received were that would be a temporary stop-gap, but I needed to concentrate on increasing my calorie intake. So I think that is what I am going to try to work on this week. It is difficult because the reason for the consumption I am now is that it is a struggle even to eat that. I never have an appetite. This weekend, I will research how to pursue protein increase to increase the calorie intake for next week. Successfully I have a goal and plan to prayerfully increase my calorie intake to counter the dip in energy hopefully. Next on the hit parade of the week, or is that year? Mental Health, the bain of all those who live, survive, and succeed.

My mental health this week has been okay and has had some spikes in anxiety. There may be multiple reasons for this aspect of increase. First is that I have completed my first full week of working my second job. My anxiety has hit off and on based on my co-workers’ actions. My mind automatically assumes I have done something wrong, or I am not going fast enough. It took some time to talk me through to acknowledge that I was too harsh on myself it is only my first week I only had two hours of training.

Additionally, my store manager is always offering to let me stay longer if I wanted to, and no one has said anything to me in the way of correction. So the anxiety is something I have created, and looking back in past reviews and my journals this week is always seems to have a spike of fear. The success for me is that I was able to talk myself down from full-blown anxiety and realize the illogical nature of my thought process. I am so thrilled that I did not dwell on this in the past I have spent weeks and months convinced of my failure. What has never happened except once, and based on someone else’s actions, not my own? Hum, where do you go from here this week’s review?

As has always been my time during this review week is was there success or failure. Struggling against my anxiety and depression is hard. Without much effort, I can quickly journey down the path of failure, like a downward run toward the pit of feelings of failure. This pit can be like quicksand for me. So for me, my week I consider a success I did not stay stuck in my quicksand of thoughts. It is accepting that I add thirty hours to a twenty-five hour week; that it is okay that I did not complete my blogging plans. With planning and research in safe calorie intake, I can improve my energy. With increase energy, I can fulfill my planned personal obligations to something I find great enjoyment and improvement of self. Thank you for following me on this successful journey toward escaping this week’s quicksand of negative thoughts toward successful acceptance that not all plans completed as initially put forth. Keep striving one person’s success will look different than another. For my success is I did not allow my anxiety to overwhelm me, and I may have found a solution to my continued decrease in energy. See you next week if I can maybe Monday. Thank you to who read my posts.  

Funny thought for the day, about missing socks.  For me my suggestion is that because we claim that dirty clothes breed that our socks are used as food to breed more clothes.

Ray Stevens – “Where Do My Socks Go?” (Official Audio)

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