Diversity of Perception

FeaturedDiversity of Perception

People are fascinating! This fascination has increased as my years here on earth continue. Searching for understanding and living as part of this earth with mental health needs sees my anxiety foundation to please whoever I meet even at my health cost. This pursuit of understanding people and my anxiety; developed my purpose of understanding was through a Bachelor of Psychology, watching tv, and reading books, articles, and the Bible. This Research increases the feeling that people, no matter a small village of twenty in the backcountry or an urban sprawl of three million, we will live to disagree on all subjects, large or small. Diversity is a fantastic ingredient to living life to the fullest or complete chaos. As individuals, we must choose to engage in this life around peace, mediation, frustration, or anger.

Diversity of people and living seen through the subjects people pursue to have an opinion. The opinion of faith, religion, music, social media, houses, fashion/clothing, furniture, churches, politics, rules, and so many more. Childishly I struggle with why we cannot just get along; it would make my anxiety so much easier to live. Suppose I did not have to worry about how I spoke to someone and how they will perceive what I have said as an attack or agreement on the facts that I base my decisions and opinions. Opinions have become subject to the idea, turning them into fact-based on where and how they presented in social media and private conversation. Added fuel to the fire of discontent that some feel. Rationally I know that people will always feel differently than I, and I cannot please everyone but the mind has different ideas. I am still doing my ostrich routine of touching base briefly on subject matters important to me and the current worldview and watching national news, leading me to find two YouTube presentations. The presentations are about monuments and racism and a celebrity choice in responding to these 2020 contentious subjects.

CBS Sunday Morning – A monumental reckoning with Mo Rocha 10/11/2020

Mo Rocha of CBS Sunday Morning presented a piece about Monuments of Historical figures and how since May of 2020, there has been a push to have all removed. The first individual he spoke with was Eric Armstrong Dunbar, a Rutgers History Professor and Author who sees George Washington as one of our founding fathers and a slaveholder. Got me thinking about the Diversity of our Perception toward different subjects. These perceptions were made, by how we grew up, lifestyle, culture, society, research topics and origins, and our mental health position. George Washington shows how our lifestyle, community, and culture impact how we perceive people and physical representations of history and art. Found Ms. Dunbar, perception of monuments and how above elevated people and the power of over us. Personally, my perception is that it is over a top idea. I can see what she is saying, but why do we have to put so much thought into a piece of metal that many may not even know who it is except that we need to meet if we get lost in a new city. Additionally, it does reinforce the cultural and societal positioning at the time of statue installation.   

Another historical figure was Christopher Colombus’s removal and the perception of his statue based on culture and advocacy to the political arena at the time of installation. The Italian Americans had him put up as pride and response to them in 1890, but others see him as a figure of oppression. Mo Rocha spoke to Lonie Bunch of the Smithsonian about statues taken down and their place in history. His position is that statues should present today’s value and the challenge that would become. That the changes to the figures should become part of a discussion, and discussion is not taking place. Ms. Dunbar was of a similar mind, but her words supported the destruction of the current ones based again on the opinion/perception that rage fueled the attacks. A rage becomes physical attacks. Another author interviewed presenting a different perception of the situation.

Richard Brookhiser comes from the thought that humility should be part of the discussion. Loved his phrase, ‘If you are only going to have statues of perfect people, you are going to be left with Jesus Christ.’ As a believer, I agree that someone may completely oppose their personal experiences of Jesus Christ and religion. He has written about many of our founding fathers. He compensated for his position at George Washington’s role in our history. Lonie Bunch also feels that our historical people should give a foundation for discussion to change the landscape of understanding and diversity of culture statues.

Philadelphia, in 2017 placed a statue of Octavius Catto, a murdered 19th-century civil rights activist. Why do our children not learn of this level of history also?  

Learned that statues toppled in anger have been happening since we have been putting them up in response to what we perceive is the good of our historical people. Then removed as history change so personal perception is this destruction should be a part of the conversation and another shift in culture that prayerfully will not turn into a Civil War that will kill 700,000. I considered trying to find actual numbers of blacks killed versus police who died in the line of duty. I wonder what the real numbers will show, but again perception of presented statistics would make that search difficult. Unsure if I genuinely want an answer because it is not something I can fix. Additionally, just seeing the diversity of thoughts over statues and their destruction or creation is extensive.

On a positive uplifting, how as an individual can change the landscape by the choices we make in interacting with others. CBS Morning interviewed Jon Bon Jovi and his wife’s response to the 2020 hot topics. Shows that we are responsible for our actions in the positive or negative. Do we support and lift those in need or be bitter and complain about the small and large aspects of life that we perceive as important.  

CBS Sunday Morning – In Conversation: Jon Bon Jovi with Lee Cowan – (NOTE: Upon the time of posting this a week later it is no longer available and unsure why? But have left it just in care it returns.) It did talk about the new album for 2020, then postponed due to COVID. Then he looked around to the people’s needs that he could help—seen through the soup kitchen and food bank/pantry. He mentioned that the music-wise was able to move toward writing about the country situation. That song was Do What You Can. Another one toward American racial conflict in America’s Reckoning. Both amazingly fit the problem that is the foundation of what becomes confrontational opinions—striving for personal accountability of changing how we live at a one to one level, treating our fellow humans with equal care.  

I am striving to live to the best of our ability with the information we have from reputable sources. My perception/opinion of reputable sources is Research from scientists, a generalized overview from our government, and my situation.  

One aspect of current politics that is important even in this diversity of perception is that those in the United States are getting out and voting either early, absentee, or November 3rd. We are a democracy still, even though it may not feel like it to some. We do yet have a right to vote and present our opinions through the ballot box. My grandfather always said that one does not have the right to complain about decisions politicians made if one did not take the time to cast their votes.

Non-Faith-Based get out to vote, and here are two non-partisan sites. One is from 2018, so the Uber and Lyft information is not fully current, but here is the 2020 information I found (Lyft, Uber to offer discounted rides to the polls on election day, by Trevor Mogg on 9/16/2020).

How to Vote in Every State 2020

2018 Non Partisan Voting Resource by Kristin Brey

Here is a faith-based response to the need to vote that I found a great listen.  

Jonathan Evans – Official Endorsement on 10/9/2020

Thank you to those you read Random Observations. Sorry I do not respond comments maybe further on I will.

Belated September 2020

FeaturedBelated September 2020

It has been a rough month; depression and anxiety were not easy to manage. Even this far into October, I have not determined the trigger or if it is just a hormonal shift. Without further blabbing, here is a condensed September working on putting together October. Success or Fail is two extremes to some. For me, this is how I emotionally review my personality, emotions, and mental health. Anxiety is still high; where do I go forward without going backward? 

Anxiety extreme had me thinking my husband was leaving me because he worked at the office for twelve hours. After some hearty journaling and reading past posts, I was able to move out of this illogical thought. Looking at the basics, my husband had not packed any clothes, I handle the budget/homecare, and he had already stated it would be a long day. I was incredibly proud that it only took me five hours to move me out of that thought process with no logical foundation. Additionally, I was comfortable speaking about my fear. Remarkable progress acknowledges that I have anxiety and takes me on journeys that no one else can see. This spike also reinforced that the second week of the month is an aspect of my life that I must prepare for emotional and nutritionally. In looking at my blogging and journaling, this is always an extreme anxiety work. What can I try for next month?

Was I coming up with ideas for next month? I am thinking of pursuing food and essential oil alternatives to avoid adding a prescription to my routine because most medications do not kick in for a week. My severity only is for a week. I want to find an additional component to not expend so much energy physically and emotionally on illogical anxiety thoughts. I often get my essential oils from DoTERRA due to the amount of research they put into their products.  https://www.doterra.com/US/en/wellness-topics-calming-anxious-feelings. When possible, it is best to find a professional to check. For me, I have not been able to find a holistic physician near me. My primary has not said I could not pursue oils; he has commented that there is not enough research available. I will try using lavender in my diffuser during the day and on a necklace, the Balance mix that doTERRA offers, and see if that helps decrease the time I spend cycling through my anxious thoughts. Life, in general, has gone well.

I have found a balance in my sixty hours of work and not harassing my daughter about her current poor life choices. I have faith that she will succeed in her life. She is just making choices that will delay that. But at eighteen, she is responsible for her future. A problematic week not to push when all I see is the worst-case scenario of her living in the street all her life. She has no motivation and feels that everything is fine. She gets nasty when I ask after her assignments to know how to document her school hours. Hmm, I cannot live her life guide when she has questions; back to my week.

I will put this week as a success; my work hours have maintained—housework taken care of and without anger that I do not receive any help. Anxiety was there but could work my way through my attacks may have taken some time but managed and only caused some exhaustion. Life’s journey filled with potholes but manageable get out of after some time, filling in either with sand or rocks that shift. 

I did not get to post last week due to a lack of motivation, and I have little to add these weeks. They merged and considered moving this to a monthly review allowing me to concentrate on blogging on observations.  

Last two weeks of September

Exhaustion and anxiety have been my shadow during this time. Unsure where to go because this seems to be a constant after the previous anxiety weeks. I got so little accomplished, and my depression is harder to manage. Medically this makes sense because anxiety and depression, unfortunately, go hand and hand. I am not getting anything done but work and the absolute bare minimum of house and family care.

Honestly, all I can look at is planning to keep to my plan for last week and see if this changes next month. Hold out hope for change, moving forward with my life goals, house, and family change. Have a thought. I may start using the DoTERRA Balance this week to see if that helps.

With reluctance, I am going to put these past weeks as a success. I have not called off work, and I am not sleeping all day.

Even though from the outside and inside my mind, I feel like a failure. With difficulty, September is a success. One may ask why? As mentioned prior, I did not call off, and my family has clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat from. Reason I had difficulty is I see what I’d not do most of all is not posting to blog out of fear. The anxiety of my fear bothers me that it is so controlling. So these last three weeks are a success.  

Ran across this from the Cleveland Orchestra shows what planning and determination can accomplish as the world changes around you. The norm is no longer possible. Meaning of Life and Goals needs evaluation and altered. We need to strive to not live in the past of prior pandemic. Move onto life during and after a pandemic.

CBS Sunday Morning – “Sunday Morning” Matinee: “Ode to Joy”

Faith Look

Below are the last three church messages from Pastor Shawn. For me, I find great peace of mind and heart that it is okay to struggle, question, and keep striving to improve one’s life. Most of all, the struggle is part of living in this world since time began. Life is not perfect; all we can strive for is living well.

Hope Church – Brunswick 9/6/2020

Hope Church – Brunswick 9/13/2020

Hope Church – Brunswick 9/20/2020

Hope Church – Brunswick 9/27/2020

Imitating an Ostrich

FeaturedImitating an Ostrich

Imagine an ostrich how we think that they hide from predators with their heads in the ground.  

 

Coming to find out that they usually crouch to camouflage with nature. 

National Geographic Information on Ostrich

With that in mind, for the benefit of my mental health and all of the current anxiety-inducing subjects.  Subjects that are anxiety and depression triggers are the loud conflicts of mask-wearing, pandemic facts versus opinions perceived as fact, election fact vs. fiction, politicians, race, right to protest versus rioting, etc.  I will continue to imitate an ostrich’s nature to camouflage myself from being part of the conflicts to protect my mental health.

I have touched base on this through past blogs, but as the weeks and months keep pushing on the fractured world we live.  The most recent is the latest Political and Black Lives Matter ads.  As a white person who strives not to see race, religion, color, or lifestyle choice, instead, treat the individual’s actions.  Since the end of May, I have struggled with the media telling me I am a horrible person because I am white; therefore, I’m privileged. 

Explained: White Privilege, Systemic Racism and Implicit Bias | NBC10 Philadelphia  · 7/6/2020

I struggle because judgments are made on many society segments, many based on economics; unfortunately, color is just more visual of a presentation. Still, clothes and street addresses also impact people’s impressions of who you are that may not be factual.

When I see ethnic and black people succeeding in life around me, additionally, the opposite end of the spectrum is those of all social, political, and racial range rioting, not just blacks.  We are a country of many options again; we need to find workable solutions for all, not just the loudest or violent voice.

Yes, I am blessed if I did not have anxiety. I do not have to worry about being stopped by the police just because of my skin color.  Of course, I still worry about being stopped with fear due to thoughts like did I stop slow enough, stay long enough at the stop sign, and any other illogical thoughts like that.  A person of color has many more views, at least from what I understand of different articles and YouTube videos.  Another example is people calling the police because they are just there or in Trayvon Martin’s situation just because he was walking home.    What keeps running through my mind is that the financial aspect keeps a large portion of our society down.  Yes, color is a part of it, but educating the diversity of learning styles. It is what we should concentrate on; as a society, determine how to inform the different learning styles equally.  For me, equal education is to bring back apprenticeships, skills testing in junior high and again yearly in high school, and counseling for all, not just those perceived as having problems.  Another aspect is to support those equally that are not college-bound and assist with finding training programs for their skill interests.  Also, arrange for junior and senior high school students to shadow their perceived career choice, so they genuinely see in a one week to one month time the nitty-gritty of working the field they say they want.  

Allowing all to make a personal choice to succeed at what they are comfortable working.  We all have different career/work goals.  A career to find internal success.  After many years of pain, I have accepted that even though it is not acceptable to the world, I am happiest as a retail person.  I have emotionally fought against striving for the world image of achieving an office job.  Truly happiest helping others and being on my feet and moving around in a supermarket, mall, or restaurant setting.  Twenty plus years of putting myself down that I was not a success by not scribing a ‘career.’ When I had one, it just did not look like one accepted by a large percentage of society. 

Earlier I did mention finances.  I do not feel that increasing the minimum wage is the way to go but looking at corporate waste and determining why our prices of goods are so high.  Another aspect is teaching realistic budgeting in the classroom and teaching want versus need and how to achieve that within a budget, not instant purchasing.  Where does this leave me with planning to imitate an ostrich?

With that mentioned, I want to be aware of the world’s topics around me for my mental health and work on watching some real news.  Local, national, and international in small doses and ones that strive to be neutral in presentation (Yes, you may laugh at me.).  Currently, finding a smattering of channels will allow me to hear or read the basics of what is going on.  It is difficult to find media outlets that concentrate on equal reporting, not bipartisan reporting, that is a large portion of reporting.  Another is just trying to find peace with much of what is causing chaos and immature reactions.  Just again, trying to find a balance of what is informative but not too harmful and emotionally destructive to my anxiety and depression.

May this find everyone well.  I just wanted to show that you may not be alone being overwhelmed with our current world topics.  Stay safe in this time of change. I strive to live with the understanding that life is not returning as we are familiar.   Accepting and determining how to live in this new era will see us succeed in accepting our unique experience.

I came across this TED Talks by Chris Coward Interesting piece about misinformation and our responsibility to listen or forward information.  Found this helpful.

TEDx Talks – Unmasking Misinformation | Chris Coward | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries

Channels I have been watching and some of their most recent uploads

CBS This Morning – Media mogul Tyler Perry on “Camp Quarantine” production and helping others – I enjoy watching these for showing that okay we have a problem, let us find a workaround.

BBC News – All children back in school by September in England pledges government – Watch BBC, I understand due to language also it is interesting to see how another country sees how they are handling the situation taking place. They are also just as confused as the US, but they presented differently and decreased negativity and finger-pointing.

News 5 Cleveland – Summit County Public Health strongly recommends K-12 schools reopen with remote learning – Usually, News 5 Cleveland due most times shows the information with a limit on the negative finger-pointing and often presents the facts with specialists giving the information.

The Ohio Channel – Ohio Governor Mike DeWine – COVID-19 Update / August 13, 2020  – when possible, I try to watch this to get the basics of information from the Governor to know what is sent out to our local policyholders and decision-makers.

Side note, as you can tell by some of the dates, I have been struggling with whether to put this one up. Essential that it is okay to find a comfort zone living in this changing new world. I feel we will not be fully returning to what was.  

2 Week Review 8 & 9/2020

Featured2 Week Review 8 & 9/2020

Just something to think about as you go forward on this day forward from CBS Sunday Morning.

CBS Sunday Morning – Smile Behind the mask

Prep note combined two weeks; my struggles with my mental health has not changed much.

Week Review 8/25-28/2020

Physically had a decent week. Emotionally has brought up plethoras of struggles. Am I doing the right thing by working sixty hours? Why do I feel more value working outside of the home than providing care for my family? What is my place in life? Why do I push myself? These are the thoughts on my mind.

The first question is, am I doing the right thing working sixty hours? Took on what was to be fifteen to twenty hours a week, as mentioned before, has turned into thirty to thirty-five—these extended hours due to lack of employees. Where my mind keeps going is I enjoy what I am doing—interacting with all the individual personalities, even the cranky, nasty ones. Trying to be a smiling face in a sea of tiredness of all the struggles between the top News Topics. Retail also has fewer anxiety triggers by pleasing people in short bursts. That is the thirty plus hours of retail; what about the thirty-one on one.

Home care work is not as anxiety trigger low as retail but does bring joy, providing care for someone who can only minimal ministration for themselves. Doing personal care, home care, and errands for an individual brings some peace that I am helping someone. I am struggling with that if someone I trusted were able to step forward to care for this individual, I would step away from home care. It makes me feel like a horrible person; the family is fantastic and beautiful and wonderful to care for. Selfishly although this aspect of care is something I am not genuinely comfortable. My anxiety does work in me—any ache, pain, infection, or problem I take on as my fault. The individual continually tells me that I am not at fault; her serious health needs cause illnesses. I struggle not to take that on. Does this make me a horrible person that providing care to someone in need is not as meaningful to me as ringing groceries to a constant rotation of individuals?

This week has been weighing on my mind. Physically I will continue, and emotionally I will continue. Over my days of contemplation and reinforced by Sunday’s sermon, I am where I asked to be. Retail feeds me emotionally and allows me also to find spots in my anxiety to work. Caring for the individual gives peace to a family having a person willing to come every assigned time and not call off. An excellent simple thing but home health care has extensive call-offs leaving some individuals left in their beds or wheelchairs because they cannot get themselves up physically. How I met the person I currently care for: her evening aide called off a half-hour before she was due to go to bed, and I was available. Accepting that for both jobs is the right thing right now in regards to finances and emotionally. Where does this leave with my family requirements?

Family care is a whole other crisis; why do I not feel any emotional support or physical support from my husband and eighteen-year-old daughter? Positive aspects my husband cooks for himself. Does my daughter still ask what I am making for dinner? Yes, even though I only have two hours between my two jobs and I still have laundry, dishes, budget care, and grocery shopping. I am keeping my internal anger at this lack of physical support. No one is stepping up to clean or other care items. I do not even know why I am looking for this; I have never had it before. Physical and emotional support is not something either my husband and daughter can; they only see there needs. I celebrate the moments when my daughter asks me what she can do as I bring in groceries, and she puts them away. She empties the dishwasher within an hour of me asking. So I guess I Place myself as accepting the limitations of my family and emotionally pursue rewards outside of the house. 

An additional component of working so much is my daughter is in her last year of high school and is not motivated to graduate; she is probably not going to unless she truly realizes her mistake. I tend to hover, which makes her work less. Not being home keeps me from harassing her about her assignments, her words, not mine. For me, this will be the most challenging year to accept that she may fail by her own choices, and there is nothing I can do outside of doing the work for her, which is wrong. So hard mental health-wise, to know that she is so amazingly talented but has no drive to work outside her comfort zone and strive to suck it up and finish school and move onto what she enjoys and make a life that supports her. Where do I go from here?

On my weekly review of success or failure, I have accepted that I will place this week as a success. The anxiety is there but with difficulty, but successful habits could keep it to the background instead of the overwhelming front incenter feeling of failure.

Enjoy the journey of life as you see fit to live it, not someone else’s perception.

Thank you

Faith thoughts about keeping working on one’s goals; I have found them meaningful. What I enjoy is that Pastor uses scripture as an example that our life struggles have been around since time began. As people, we are not alone in having support and standards of living life well.  

Hope Church – August 30 Service – 9 am

Week Review 8/31 to 9/5

A repeat of last week’s mental health struggle is the same. Balancing between living life as if there are no adverse mental health thoughts when interacting with those around me. Internally the battle of what we are is unsound thoughts, and shifting them to a positive is such a struggle. I talked with a friend when I communicated my work thoughts from last week. She did not get what I was striving to share, which briefly made me feel like failing. Then I realized I was trying to fit her perception, not what and how I live and succeed with my anxiety. As with last week, I consider this week a success. I have not called off either work, and my family home is still standing, and the basics are handled.

Faith input but some truths even if one does not follow a religion. Found this week’s Sunday message, just a great reminder that even the church, even in the beginning, had arguments or differences of opinions. So seeing the conflict of belief in people’s statements and interpretation of facts are argued then and now. As individuals, we must strive to work as individuals toward decisions that benefit those around us for safety and well being. 

Hope Church September 6 – 9 am

Weekly Review 8/17-22/2020

FeaturedWeekly Review 8/17-22/2020

Here we are again, success or failure in my life. Anxiety is still running away my internal thoughts, which has kept my depression slightly escalated. Keep questioning am I doing the right thing. I had goals for this week. Did I succeed?
Well, for anyone interested, I confirmed for myself that my prescriptions and vitamin-mineral mix work. My depression and anxiety were there in full technicolor. What I do see is that they were manageable. For me, painless is that it takes minimal time to talk my way to accept not to worry over the topic on hand. Another mental health symptom of lethargy if that decreases my mix is working. For example, for anxiety, at my new job, the store manager paged two leads and manger into the office just after I walked away from my register. My fear had me placed as being fired. I successfully talked myself down from that thought in a half-hour instead of hours and sometimes days. For me, that was a combination of returning to my vitamins with my prescriptions and returning to reading God’s Word in the morning. It is not as detailed as I was planning for, but at least it was a start that I can still add to it. May do a follow up detailing the vitamins that seem to work.
My vitamins’ journey is personal trial and error, with my doctors giving me a metabolic panel. The bloodwork panel allows me to see where I am limited. Vitamins I have not gotten enough from food are Vitamin B, Vit D, and calcium. We are all different. What will work for one will be different than others. For me, this vitamin-mineral cocktail was created over five to six years, five years of reading Mayo Clinic articles, holistic articles from doctors and scientists, doctor metabolic panels, and balancing emotional symptoms. In determining any life change, one should always speak with their doctor and be aware of what works for you. None of what I suggest is something I am paid to support, just something I have found works for me. Another aspect of being aware is that when I start something is one at a time for a week and monitor symptoms. Success on meds and vitamins. Where to next – work?
Working both jobs is going okay. Financially working sixty hours is helping toward my overall debt. My anxiety is niggling over because I have the energy to do two jobs, but I accomplished so little in downsizing my home and family care when I had just one job. Am I making to big a deal over this, or do I need to look at it? I genuinely need to look at this.
My value and energy seem to come from being in public and providing service to people and occasionally receiving a thank you and good job from customers, co-workers, and management. Is that it because I do not receive if from family. Something to consider as the months go in as I work sixty hours a week. What else was in my list downsizing still moving forward was able to make another Goodwill donation. My anxiety was pushing that it was not enough. When looking through, given the schedule, I have accepted that it is okay is more of a success than making the delivery. Hmm, next was studying the Bible have to say that was, as mentioned prior, not as extensive as I would like. As with Goodwill and downsizing, the fact that I made changes to fit it in is fantastic and wonderful, So all and all it through a lot of personal work through that looks like a tennis match my week was a success.
Everyone keeps walking toward your goals, no matter how small. Our success is just that it is what has us succeeding where we need to be. Emotionally and physically, our lives will look different than someone else.

Weekly Review 8/10-14/2020

FeaturedWeekly Review 8/10-14/2020

Feel that I am surviving, not living. Depression and Anxiety came back with a vengeance this week. I had to fight to get up in the mornings this week. Going to bed was also an issue. By the middle of the week was questioning why I am here and what is the point. Why am I getting worse when I have days that feel ‘well’?

Backtracking over the last two to three weeks, I have emotionally and physically struggled to return to something that gives me meaning for employment. In doing so, I planned to take on 15-25 hours to schedule that already had 30 hours with being a Home Health Aide. I enjoy the retail over the Home Health Aide work, but it is challenging for clients to retain a Home Health Aide for their care. So I will stay with the amazing person I provide care. Unfortunately, last week my need to please people saw me work 6 days in the retail environment plus the 30 as a Home Health Aide. Retail hours totaled thirty-eight, so the previous week places my working hours at sixty-eight total. I was contributing to my continued internal argument of success over failure.

To the outside, looking in one will see and explain, of course, I am exhausted you worked sixty-eight hours in one week. Nevermind, I went from 6,500 steps to 14,000 to 15,000 steps daily with this new job and still only eating for the 6,500. My Anxiety does not see it like that; I should do more and be more substantial. How do I see my way out of this pit of emotional and physical struggle?

Goals are many; some I may be able to succeed in implementing others may not. A new job is to say no when called in or only stay for four to five hours instead of eight to nine. Food makes up and implements a menu for the days I only have an hour between jobs. Work on some of the list is a plan and made ahead. Return and concentrate on taking my assortment of vitamins. I noticed my prescriptions taken daily, but my vitamins missed due to timing and change in routine. Returning to my morning routine of reading The Bible and spending time on a devotional, I always found this a peaceful start of my day. Where does this leave me? Am I a success or failure this week?

My Depression and Anxiety are pushing to have me List this week as a failure. My goals from last week and the needs of the family were not cared for well. Failure is automatic feeling and response for so long it is challenging to see the week as a success. How do I put my mindset toward success when I want to hold onto the comfortable failure. It makes no sense, but it is a pit that is comfortable and familiar. How to move forward and not wallow as I want to do? Hmmm

Have to acknowledge that the schedule changed, and I have a plan moving forward. That it is okay not to accomplish everything when there has been a schedule change. So that is being said living it may be difficult. After some thought, going to list this as a success because I did not stop may not have been everything, but calling this week a success because I acknowledged that my goal was too difficult for the specific situation I find myself in.   

Keep striving for your goals.  Success is all in the eyes of who is living life to their personal physical and emotional best.  Sorry for the delay in posting just found this week a mentally distracting week.

Additional Faith Note:

For me, the following message from Pastor Shawn at Hope Church helped me put this week into perspective. I may not always feel that I am thriving, but succeeding is all I can strive for daily and may not look like everyone else’s life. What matters is what fits my life calling and purpose.  In reaching for my goals that are helping others even if that is caring for others that do not appreciate; and a family that does not understand cleaning up after themselves.  Life for me is to care for those around me in word and actions.  May not be grand as Nik Ripken, but even the small things are important. Care seen as working both jobs to hundred percent, volunteering at church, downsizing, blogging, and not being angry with my family gives the impression of not caring. This is my current season of life we will see as the weeks go as I will stay or succeed in moving farther ahead in being at peace with myself and goals.

Hope Church – August 16 Service – 11 AM

For a chuckle the 9 am is slightly different and shows the difference in understanding of different words and phrases to different generations and social media awareness. Nine am was the use of Netflix and chill which was being used just as words to describe watching videos and relaxing that’s how it was meant. Unknown at the time till someone between services brought it to his attention was the urban culture meaning of the phrase of something totally different, I have included the link to the definition after the 9 am link. Personally I enjoyed the 9 am more before I understood the urban meaning Pastor seemed more engaged.

Bible Hub – Acts 11 for Acts 11:19-30

Just a look that no one is perfect but a message with innocent purpose comes through.

Urban Dictionary Definition – https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Netflix%20and%20Chill. Just clarifies that I enjoy life when words are just straightforward with no hidden meanings.

Wikipedia detailed information for the slang, if you are interested. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netflix_and_chill

Thank you

FeaturedThank you

Thank you, Retail, Services, and Trade Employees. Since the beginning of this pandemic, it has bothered me the media, social media, and signs concentration and praise healthcare workers and as an afterthought, the police, fire, and EMS. Yes, they deserve praise, but it reinforces the employment/career perception of society. What I do see is the lack of thank you to all of the service industries. Thank you to the people who work at the stores, services like hair, dining, and the people who provide us with the products to sell and deliver services. May miss a couple of titles but truckers, factory workers, housekeepers, tattoo artists, bus drivers, crafters, makers, and all that provide for services that are an integral part of living in today’s culture.

With all the current talks of the needs of the people and everyone needs support. Some financial assistance may be helpful in realistic hourly pay to the job description, taxes, and actual medical. Most, if not all, individuals desire to feel value for the work they do. There are those in the world who find value and skill in serving or creating for others. Over the years, I have noticed that there is a lack of respect or support to those impacted through life situations, skills, and/or desire that choose employment in low paying and low respect service or high pay but low respect trade industries.   

What I am asking for others to consider is your perception of a person who chooses or needs to work a retail, service, or trade job. One type of trade is to drive trucks, do you respect the individual for that choice? Do you look and think oh that is all their good for, with that underthought of no respect for the individual? What about the plumber who you call when there is an emergency. What are your thoughts when you find out your child wants to be a plumber? Pride or concern that they are choosing a menial job.

What are your thoughts or attitudes of the clerk at the meat counter, waitress, factory worker, coffee counter, crafter, tattoo, hairdresser, or supermarket? Do you consider that they have a ‘real’ job, or that was all they could because they do not have the IQ or degree for something better? We see this in ads for colleges.    

American Career College Ads

Supporting and showing pride for those who chose to work in the service industry and allow for full-time hours would go a long way in economic equality. Many workers would not push for the fifteen dollar hours if they were able to find full-time hours with benefits.  

Humans want respect, but when you treated like a lesser person, you are a clerk in a supermarket, waitress, cook, and stock. Factory worker, housekeeper, kitchen prep, electrician, and many more. This lack of respect seen in we have high unemployment, but many people will not apply for retail jobs because the pay is low and considered beneath them for some. Bear in mind that it is a generalization, not a specific person, and on social media comments and a couple of comments I have heard from others. Well, let us consider the fact that supermarkets stayed open with only a small amount of thank you, followed by abuse for mask or supply purchase mandates.

Again thank you to those in all aspects of the service/trade industry. Our country indeed, could not run without us. The media may not acknowledge the daily strife and anxiety of our health and safety. Again thank you for working your twenty to fifty hours of work with no benefits, respect, and buying your masks and other supplies.

Thank you for the truck driver who has to deal with the driver who does not realize that you need a good eighth of a mile to brake but cuts right in front. Additionally, the time away from family and friends. Thank you to the housekeeper that is cleaning up after all variety of people with minimal protective gear. Thank you to the factory worker that has to go in and leave smelling like melting plastic, dead fish, cow, or chicken. Also, for those working in a hot, cold, or freezing processing area. Thank you for the different kinds of beauticians and artisans. Thank you to the construction industry. Thank you for the car mechanic. Thank you to the restaurant staff. Much appreciate all you do. If I have missed your industry, I am sorry, but I am not seeing or all-knowing of all the trade and service jobs.  

Thank you, comes from the heart of a worker of the same industry for twenty years waitress, cook, clerk, coffee, cashier, manager, and cleaner. I tried to leave the industry and go into healthcare. When I spoke with coworkers, they would treat me as an equal until they asked where I had worked last. Responded as a manager in a supermarket that respect was lost. One person mentioned that it was good. I got out of such a dead-end job. Here is the rub, though, and that my anxiety and depression keep going over. I was happy working retail and taking care of others rather than working in a nursing home as a Social Worker; their idea of Customer Service does not even come close to what expected from retail. Trying to shift to that was to difficult on my anxiety and depression with no industry training except what I got through college. So I returned to what made me happy helping others with less daily notes that impacted client (customer) care and minimum face to face care.

It has taken me years to accept that I am happiest working retail and taking care of others and providing care for one of the most basic human needs food. Keep up the great work all those that are the reason our country has not stopped running, our families fed, and we have a car to drive. I am going to wrap up with two pieces.

One is from CBS Sunday Morning news about the current information hitting the restaurant industry. The second piece I found from Mike Rowe reinforcing that we need to show our children that working in the service and trade industry is an honorable profession, not something to be looked down on. Side thought some of the racism this country keeps pushing about also stems from the portion of the black and low income community that the employment can get treated with disrespect as work and financial options are low. For US retail a cashier/stocker is paid $7.00 – 9.00 an hour as a lead it is $9.00 – 11.00 an hour, and management is $11.00 – 14.00 an hour, and store managers salaried, so they average $15.00 an hour because it expected to work forty-five to sixty hours a week. Many companies want to have open availability and are not flexible with scheduling. There is minimal work to home life balance.

Next time you are out and about, try to thank a worker from the service industry. Sincerely, all we ask is that you treat us with respect. We have to follow the rules, and being told how to do our job as we are taking care of you is annoying and disrespectful. Corporate no matter the industry already treats us poorly with low pay, not enough supplies, repairs not done, and no training or training that treats us like children. I heard somewhere that one company thinks that employees do fifty percent of theft. So we are already feeling devalued by corporate. Being treated by the people, we care for as children who fail in life makes that lack of proper value harder.  

Yes, there are poor workers, but if you think about it, every industry has that one or two employees that you celebrate when they leave or let go. No one is perfect, and there are jobs or work that see people striving or struggling to find their place. 

For those that feel this was prideful or selfish to post because I am in retail. This piece was tentatively written since June just struggled with posting it, not wanting to offend. I had a shift that made me want to open my mouth and give a customer a piece of my mind. Retail is a fantastic job that is physically tough and stressful in its way. On an hourly basis, your client or customer base is as diverse as the world. With this diversity comes a plethora of opinions and personalities. There is nothing wrong with working to care for others. Not all of us can pursue a degree either through desire or lack of opportunity. Try to treat those who take care of your fundamental needs with respect for all they do.  

Danny Meyer on reviving the restaurant industry – CBS Sunday Morning

Mike Rowe Testimony – CongessmanGT – Found this one sad and humorous that he called our US Politicians about asking him to come back but nothing changes.

Mike Rowe Works Foundation

Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe on Facebook

The Real Mike Rowe – Facebook

Thank you, for reading.  Reminder you are welcome to comment, but at this time my anxiety and depression make it extremely difficult to read the comments.  

Weekly Review 8/3-7/2020

FeaturedWeekly Review 8/3-7/2020

I waffled this week on what I was going to do with this post. On the one hand, I did not keep my to-do/goals of uploading researched commentary on videos I liked or found odd or continuing with my anxiety research through the medical field and biblical. Another aspect was I made no progress on accurately determining how to create and upload to YouTube readings of my posts as well as filming my walks of parks in my area and my downsizing. My mind perceives this as a failure; how do I find peace or movement away from my failure?

Realistically looking at my week would be useful, but internally I think these excuses are just that excuses I should have done better. Without further adieu, here are my excuses; sleep apnea, Hypothyroidism, Calorie intake vs. Energy expended and mental health. Let’s start on the first mark and move down the list.

Sleep Apnea is still impacting. The machine is working some, I guess, at least 3 to 4 days a week I still wake up at 3 am. The last two months and one week before the C-Pap machine taking GNC – Herbal Plus Natra Sleep, this seems to help feel slightly more rested and more energetic during the day. Before the Natra Sleep supplement and the machine, I used to get up most nights at 3 am sometimes more than once. Currently, two problems still do not think the device is entirely doing anything except exacerbating my sinuses if I stupidly forget the Ayr nasal gel. The others are I do not see my specialist till mid-September when they could fit me due to my insurance not covering and appointments after a specific date. I will check with GNC the last time the clerk mentioned another supplement that had worked better for prior customers. Those thinking melatonin, cherry juice, or sleep teas even fluid and caffeine intake before certain times of evening; have tried over the years with limited success. I have also been trying Four Sigmatic (Chill) cacao with mushrooms that have limited my 3 am from brief to fully awake that is progress. I have been using that cocoa for two weeks have not seen any impact on my mental health. Enjoy the flavor and the decrease in getting up through the evening. Putting this all down in writing does show that this has been a successful change, not perfect, but life is not perfect no matter how we try. So that is the sleep what is the next one?

Oh yeah, my thorn in my side that began since the late eighties during trade school. Hypothyroidism has been a millstone plain and straightforward. Somedays I think it is worse than mental health. Both are a constant battle. Doctors say my weight, depression, fatigue, and sleep are because of the thyroid. Medication never seems to work except to cause bills for every two-month blood work that insurance does not always cover because, in their mind, it is not all necessary. So I am unsure if this is impacting my mental health or perception. Even given the years I have had this, I am unclear how this disease truly affects me because I feel better off the medication than on. So for me, I have no explicit listing of success on this one except the accept that I will continue to research what works for me. I might add this to my list of things to research, write, and post? Guess the success that is not worse or better. So this was a small piece, but I have no clear goals or journey for this because it frustrates me more than anything. On to the next one, what was that, hmm oh yeah calorie intake and energy expended?

Like the thyroid seems to go hand in hand. By the federal BMI chart, I am obese have been since the early eighties. I strongly feel it goes hand in hand with my thyroid condition. Personal opinion and forties years of never losing weight except for five maybe fifteen pounds. I have always worked jobs that place my step count as 12,000 to 15,000 per day. When I document my food intake, I average 1,200 to 1,300 calories. Mostly eat along the lines of a gluten-free diet and sometimes treat me to toast and fast food once or twice a month. So it is not if I am living off fast food or carbohydrates all day. I also limit my soy due to its being a hormone and the thyroid impacted by foods high in hormones. Another aspect is that I never have an appetite, so I become frustrated when my doctor and dietician’s first go-to is I need to eat healthily. So after posting a question to Athletic Greens private Facebook page about increasing two daily supplements to battle the mid-day slump of energy and napping, I am still struggling. The many posts that I received were that would be a temporary stop-gap, but I needed to concentrate on increasing my calorie intake. So I think that is what I am going to try to work on this week. It is difficult because the reason for the consumption I am now is that it is a struggle even to eat that. I never have an appetite. This weekend, I will research how to pursue protein increase to increase the calorie intake for next week. Successfully I have a goal and plan to prayerfully increase my calorie intake to counter the dip in energy hopefully. Next on the hit parade of the week, or is that year? Mental Health, the bain of all those who live, survive, and succeed.

My mental health this week has been okay and has had some spikes in anxiety. There may be multiple reasons for this aspect of increase. First is that I have completed my first full week of working my second job. My anxiety has hit off and on based on my co-workers’ actions. My mind automatically assumes I have done something wrong, or I am not going fast enough. It took some time to talk me through to acknowledge that I was too harsh on myself it is only my first week I only had two hours of training.

Additionally, my store manager is always offering to let me stay longer if I wanted to, and no one has said anything to me in the way of correction. So the anxiety is something I have created, and looking back in past reviews and my journals this week is always seems to have a spike of fear. The success for me is that I was able to talk myself down from full-blown anxiety and realize the illogical nature of my thought process. I am so thrilled that I did not dwell on this in the past I have spent weeks and months convinced of my failure. What has never happened except once, and based on someone else’s actions, not my own? Hum, where do you go from here this week’s review?

As has always been my time during this review week is was there success or failure. Struggling against my anxiety and depression is hard. Without much effort, I can quickly journey down the path of failure, like a downward run toward the pit of feelings of failure. This pit can be like quicksand for me. So for me, my week I consider a success I did not stay stuck in my quicksand of thoughts. It is accepting that I add thirty hours to a twenty-five hour week; that it is okay that I did not complete my blogging plans. With planning and research in safe calorie intake, I can improve my energy. With increase energy, I can fulfill my planned personal obligations to something I find great enjoyment and improvement of self. Thank you for following me on this successful journey toward escaping this week’s quicksand of negative thoughts toward successful acceptance that not all plans completed as initially put forth. Keep striving one person’s success will look different than another. For my success is I did not allow my anxiety to overwhelm me, and I may have found a solution to my continued decrease in energy. See you next week if I can maybe Monday. Thank you to who read my posts.  

Funny thought for the day, about missing socks.  For me my suggestion is that because we claim that dirty clothes breed that our socks are used as food to breed more clothes.

Ray Stevens – “Where Do My Socks Go?” (Official Audio)

Weekly Review 7/21-25/2020

FeaturedWeekly Review 7/21-25/2020

Another hot week here in Ohio, which again impacted the downsizing physical aspect, has been my concentration for the last two to three months, which pushed at my anxiety and depression toward feelings of failure and the thoughts of why I should bother. I am never going to succeed; I have not in the past, which proves it. Thinking back over this week, I expected to return my comfortable depression pit. That pit of why bother, I am worthless, I will never succeed, and all those endless recurring thoughts of failure.  

Honestly expected, the old me was going to win this week. In the past, this is always where I give up and shut everything down that I began in my upward swing of positive. With struggle, I honestly had plans to write my goodbye note to the website, Facebook, and store. A summary of I am a failure and not strong enough to continue my creative outlet because why bother. I am just a whiny woman that will never be anything, so why push that on others. Yeah, depression visited severely this week. With success as my morning to evening progressed, I was able to find that strength to keep moving forward by posting and creating daily about miscellaneous topics. Praise God. Over the week still felt that shadow of failure on all my other listed projects.

On Friday, though came across the Desperate for Jesus 2020 Women’s Conference for me, this was a fantastic reminder of the beauty and strength that blessed with even on the wrong hours, days, and weeks. I have worth even when I cannot see it. The individual at the conference that pushed that home was Katherine Wolf.

Katherine had a stroke at twenty-six, has two children, and is a blogger and Author. Here are her Hope Heals – Facebook and Hope Heals Website. What I took from this was we are all made as individuals our battles are our own. We seek comfort from who we are and plan to be. It is perfectly fine to have bad days or weeks; our physical and mental health will impact us. Striving to move on and forward to maintain and be who we meant to be. For me, this helped if a woman who needs to move in a wheelchair daily and looks at it as positive and sees the positive in daily life with physical restrictions, she also acknowledges she has bad days. With those bad days, she questions God’s plan but lovingly accepts that he healed her to what He needs her to do and blessed her with an idea and strength to live it. Having a bad day does not mean positive stops. It just shifts till a positive can be celebrated bad days are okay just striving not to wallow is impressive.

Sunday was watching Hope Church – July 26 Service 9 am, which not surprisingly in my life reinforced this message from the women’s conference of good days and bad days. How we live them is the celebration. The pastor also mentioned another woman of modern times in a wheelchair Joni Eareckson Tada – Joni and Friends Facebook. The message was a fantastic reminder that followed up on Friday evening and Saturday morning women’s conference, much needed for me at least.

So for my weekly review, I am so amazed that I can see a celebration. I did not know at the beginning of the week; I still feel slightly out of place with my depression and downsizing. With great amazement, my week was a success. I may not have accomplished my written goals due to heat and emotional turmoil, but I am not giving up. My progress for the week is next week is another week of working in my goals of downsizing and reevaluating my life for the better. To move forward with my creativity and making my family’s experience better. Self-care is okay every once in a while. Changing the goal line is okay when there are obstacles in the way.  

Thank you all who follow. Still not at a position of reading comments. Thank you to anyone who leaves them. Anxiety and depression are a struggle, but with medicine, professional assistance, and self-care, we can succeed in living life as well as we can. Success is all in how we see it.

Follow up note from last week I physically energy-wise felt some improvement with the Athletic Greens routine. But still not going to post the website because I am unsure if my depression dip was from taking the Athletic Greens, a decrease of Vit-D, or just one of those weeks. So I will take a week off from taking Athletic Greens to see how my depression is. If my physical energy dips and my depression not changed by Wednesday will restart taking them. I enjoyed not falling asleep when I got home from work at noon for an hour. I do not know I did not take it today, and I currently have a headache and no energy, so making it till Wednesday may not happen. We shall see. I Will keep you updated, and I want to move forward with this information cautiously. Have a great day and week.

Turtle at one of the local parks I walk.  Slow and steady wins the race.