Journey of Mother’s Day

FeaturedJourney of Mother’s Day

Over the years of writing my journey through Mother’s Day, I strive to be uplifting, but on a personal note, I just feel apathetic. Unsure if this apathy comes from my mental health or just where I am in my journey as a mom. Even though I am a mom it is not something that is celebrated in our home. The daughter is eighteen and has no place for me in her life unless she needs something. And my husband comes from the mindset that ‘you are not my mom’. Where am I on this journey?

Current journey on the subject of motherhood and Mother’s Day is that I will still keep striving to be a mom to my daughter even though I may never hear the words I love you or thank you. I feel pain and childishness even complaining because there are people in the world that do not have children and want them, have lost children, and so many more scenarios. With that and the decision to just live life caring for who I have around me and just not overthinking this apathy, I feel on this day of “celebration”. I leave you with these two videos of wishful thinking and acceptance that life is a journey that does not look the same as everyone else’s. The joy is finding peace on the side road that is Mother’s Day. Tomorrow is another day to live and move forward.

CBS Sunday Morning – Making Mom a Star 5-9-2021

Below is a video from 2015 but is what made me realize that all of our mom’s life journey is different. Celebrate where you are even if it may not look like another’s.

Home Free – Mom – (Mother’s Day) Home Free Cover – 4/29/2015

May this day find everyone well. 

Thank you to those who read and sorry for the delay it has been a long month. Mental Health is an ebb and flow of good days balanced with the bad.

Seasonal Mental Health Contemplation

FeaturedSeasonal Mental Health Contemplation

Seasonal Mental Health contemplation during the winter and holidays. Unsure where I am right now, except to present my perspective and life journey. Have not posted my previous November and December Health Reviews will probably add them to this post’s end. My seasonal depression realistically hit probably mid-November because it has been a struggle not to wallow in the pothole of life I find myself in. They are not clean and easy to understand but felt it is vital to present life is not perfect, and it is okay to have bad days that sometimes move into months. The real test of our life do we keep moving on our journey of life even when we feel trapped in quicksand. I am on this journey since the beginning of twenty-twenty-one seems so long even though it has been only eleven days. In retrospect, though, this journey has been since birth because our past and health make up our journey.

Unsure if these long eleven days are due to seasonal depression, current news, or my struggle with the holidays. The battle is that holidays have never held importance or grandeur for me once my grandparents passed respectively twenty-four years and then nineteen years ago. My anxiety stretches to have I destroyed my daughter by not emphasizing the holidays to give her memories as I have with my grandparents. But am I even in the right spot to reviews this? I am currently in tears as I write this, which means my mental health is severely low now. I am still writing and looking at where and what to change for the win column, and I have not gone back to bed to sleep the emotional pain away. Go to mental health or life; you will not destroy me.

Then I have the aspect of one of life loading things on for the last three months. As mentioned previously, I have worked sixty to seventy hours since September with no day off unless I get sick. Being in Home Health, we do lose our clients, and since mid-November, one of the people I care for admitted to the hospital for severe health issues that were at stage four, which means I need to take a side road on this journey of life of losing someone that had meaning in my life. So I am on this side path of life, but I still need to keep living and handling my other life responsibilities. Previously I mentioned concern over destroying my daughter’s view of the holidays with my lack of excitement or celebration.  

Compounding the holidays’ mental crisis is I have had to accept my daughter is eighteen, and my ability to communicate and have her follow-through has come to an end. It is painful to see her make decisions that delay the wonderful life she could have financially provided for herself with her art. On a selfish level is accepting the phrase that I have failed her as a mom and making choices that will mean she will not graduate high school and has no life goals. It is so painful to hear, “I just want out of here (home).” Even though all of her emotional and physical needs were provided for minimal demands, all we ask of her is to empty the dishwasher and finish highschool. I am down to knocking on her door and hoping she answers because “I barge in.”. In my defense, when one does not answer, and I needed to communicate or ask what is happening with classwork. My potholes right now are many, and I am trying not to live in them but crawl out of them.  

Crawling and patching in my current pothole is so hard during this time of seasonal depression. Moving and thinking are so hard when I feel like a Magpie; attracted by shiny things but are intelligent. So hard to accomplish anything when your mind skitter from one thing to another when even a to-do list has minimal help.  

Most Intelligent bird in the world – The Magpie by Romanorvm

The video is a compilation of pictures and text; I found it informative but reinforced my feelings that I am like a magpie. I am intelligent in my common sense and easily distracted, but I hold and have my beauty even if I struggle to see that intelligence and beauty.  

With that intelligence, I will keep fighting to live in this world that holds so much meaning around family and holidays. I do not understand and accept that my daughter must find her path. All I can do is communicate. I am here to assist when I can but will not carry her. It is okay to mimic a magpie when my mental health is severe. I am a fantastic human being crafted and live for Jesus Christ. My life journey is as an individual. My upbringing, social standing, culture, faith/religion, and mental health make my journey different. But if anything I post helps terrific, I chose to walk and write my story as an individual and not mimic or compare myself to others with a different history. I am currently reading an advance electronic copy of a fantastic book that comes out on January 26.  When Don’t You Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?  It is a fantastic read and reminder at a perfect time that my journey will be different than another and that my physical and mental health is okay. Success to move forward even if that movement is either at the speed of a turtle or a rabbit. We, as individuals, will write our own stories that come with the good or the bad. We can not hit reset or rewind like a movie or tv show.  

Travel this world as you see that can work with your mental health or physical health. The world may see either as limitations, but as an individual, you are the success that you make it to be, not the detractors that do not understand that it is impressive that you got to work or got up and did the laundry. Life is a successful journey that looks different to us all; what is essential is helping our fellow humans or sometimes just ourselves depending on where the need is. What is important is that you are still moving forward on this life journey, even if you may go on different paths. Remember, we can always go back and restart the trip or cut across to the main trail. Go live life well as you emotionally can.

Side Note:  For those that have uploaded a moderation request I am not there yet to read and fix, but thank you.  For you it maybe simple for me I just assume I am stupid that is why someone found a mistake.  Just another pothole to repair and move past.

2020 Health Review (rough draft)

The personal mental health of 2020, as in other posts, was going to post a failure because the last two months had felt overwhelming when looked at from the lenses of negativity.  But in striving to search for the positive through the veil of negativity.  I can prissy acknowledging I feel kneaded to say 2020 was a success from a personal perspective.

I started and kept with my blogging the perspective of success even though my anxiety ran rampant that I wrote wrong.  I observed and adapted my strengths instead of adapting and changing to my view of what I thought was wanted.  

Accepting that I can not please everyone is a fantastic feeling that may or may not last, but it was beautiful to see myself take. I expanded and worked on other aspects of social media.  I May not have uploaded all of it, but I at least sat down and tried.

Depression may have spiked in the last two months for various reasons, but 2020 was a fantastic success even though my current mental health wants me to list it as a failure.

Below is the rough draft of my November and December that I just struggled with posting, but I wanted to show even the rough draft of what was accomplished.  Life is not perfect, but I made a reasonable effort to work with my mental health during this time of chaos and frustration.

November 2020 Health Review (rough draft)

Sorry for the delay in posting this. Anxiety hit hard at the beginning of December.

November has flown by, which seems to be a life trend as we pass August, unsure if it is the season I am in where I have a child in school or not. Something to ponder in the future. As mentioned in October was going to work more on finding a balance with my anxiety and depression without increasing my medication. Let us not keep anyone in suspense.

November mental healthwise went well. Do not get me wrong did have episodes of anxiety and depression, but what I call my talk-down phases did not go hours instead of days—still going to keep working on it. There needs to be an understanding of the undertow if mental health is always with us. How we live and thrive with these constraints is what makes us unique individuals. Some of what helped were becoming even more comfortable accepting the mental health lifestyle that I have excepted, which makes me feel good about myself and contribute to the local community. For me, I find peace with my work as a retail sales associate and home health aide. There negatives to both professions, but that is all occupations have something that is a problem. I find peace with that it is okay that in the eyes of much entry-level work is not considered a ‘career.’ Honestly, that is their concern, not mine. I, at the most time, accepted peace in supporting the needs of others. That is not to say that I will not have this, as it is an ongoing struggle because I have town myself down for the last twenty-plus years of working these jobs and accept that I will not contribute much to my household’s running my husband. An example of what I make with sixty plus hours in a month totals my husband paid in one pay period of two weeks—accepting that at least I am contributing to the running of our home. Working entry-level comes with our community’s perception of being uneducated. We can not leave these entry-level positions or find mental health peace in being in these positions. Another aspect of my health walk this month was essential oils.

Finding what works and does not for the last several years as I ebb and flow toward finding support pieces. Balance’s essential oils worked well personally; when I was home, I used six drops in my diffuser. When going into work, I used two to three drops on my wrist or a necklace. Unsure if this is having a placebo effect or it truly works. I Will test it in 2021 right now on the perceived stressful time of holiday 2020. I will take the placebo effect if that is what it is. Lavender was another aspect that I was working on much.

Lavender did not see much impact on my mental health when I washed my sheets and dried them. A mix of information for anxiety and sleep apnea since some available research does say sleep does help manage our mental health journey. I also started taking  Doterra Serenity on the edge of my nose before using Ayr Saline Nasal Gel. (Side Note: Use the oil instead of the pills they offer just to my personal preference. Oil allows me to tweak and adjust as needed, and unsure how the drugs impact the other medicines I take.) Done before I put my full nose and mouth c-pap mask that I use for my sleep apnea. Still not seeing much change in my anxiety, but waking up around 2:30 am is still happening, but easier to fall back to sleep. I Will keep monitorings the oil use but maybe increasing my melatonin or Natra sleep. If I work on my sleep, that will also help with the anxiety and depression. Nutrition is another component that was to work.

Working on nutrition through November was a failure. Unsure if I went into without a set plan except looking at ‘help with mental health.’ Also, my sixty hours work week turned into seventy mid-month. So exhaustion was my friend this month with the holiday season’s hecticness and my work schedule not looking like it will end for a time. I am scraping working on changing nutrition and mental health till twenty-twenty-one. But during December, at least research and determine a goal or menu. Part of the problem is that I have no appetite to eat, so I do not get a migraine and severe upset stomach. Lack of desire has always been a problem, even though my weight does not show it. According to the U.S. government, I am obese. I ran across the following to see if I can plan around this and see what works and what does not. Yes, some of it has to do with Alzheimer’s disease, but it is a health information vehicle. Having worked in a locked unit in a Nursing Home for a year and a half, this is one of the most challenging diseases for an individual and family, so if I can improve my mental health and try avoiding Alzheimer’s, I am all for it.

UC Davis Health – Brain Foods for Brain Health – Boost Brain Health with Good Eats

Let me finish my November Review. This month was a success. I did finally complete and upload a YouTube view using the Review as a prompt. (Side Note: Here is the video as of 1/11/2020 have not uploaded it currently I cannot figure out how to do that hopefully will add it later.)  It is not great, but everything is a work in progress. My success is not sitting here and pointing out every negative in the video and the fact that I found the strength in posting this. Warning: I did not dress it up and used my office background, which shows an eclectic background. Success is in doing and learning from the experience, and I have many items to tweak as the months and years move forward slowly.

May all things in life be a success, even if it is getting up in the morning and having breakfast. Keep striving success gauge is on the individual level, not the large group.

I did post this on Thanksgiving but figured I would show it again. I wanted to celebrate success in a company that took the 2020 COVID challenge to celebrate and adapted Holiday Tradition with safety instead of canceling. Congratulations, Macy’s and Verizon, all the people that participated and planned this event. Thank you.

Macy’s Parade – Thanksgiving Day Parade 2020 – Verizon

Macy’s Parade – Thanksgiving Day Parade 2020 – Macy’s Info Page

Faith walk

Hope Church 11/1

God’s path is not always easy or straightforward. He has a plan even when it does not even meet what we think is our needs. A challenging approach as a believer needs the strength of God. Acts 19:23- the gospel was changing the world based on how God would like us to live for Him. Thought that came to mind this why it is hard for non-believers to understand life changes that a belief makes as they slowly ease away from those lifestyle choices that tempt or distract away from walking away from living for the world. Confirm you are living for God’s Way. I could not connect initially with the fish story. Did find the meaning when why it is easy to become distracted way from daily walking with God.  

God is amazing in showing an understanding of living for God and how. Many examples from the Old Testament show examples of what we have now. I thought that our social media and nightlife, what I think of when the pastor is talking about the Artemis celebration.

Gospel is there to change what we gain and seek joy. Found the Old Testament mob’s description and put forth that it was similar to people toward believers sometimes. Reinforces that there are times to witness and speak of God and Salvation through belief in Christ’s sacrifice, but there are times that it is best to step back and wait. Some people may not be ready, and pushing and pushing can be detrimental to the delivery of Christ’s message of salvation and living life well. Maybe not on a worldly perception of a life well. Personally living life well is about comfort in self, humility, and caring for other’s needs.  

Being on a path for God is different for everyone, but striving always to gain strength to keep going. Living with depression and anxiety makes this difficult someday to believe, but it is incredible when I hear and see the power God blesses me to have daily. Even if it is not where I want to be sometimes, it is so get up in the morning and have breakfast.

Live for Christ is a blessing, even if it is hard.

Hope Church – November 8

Acts 20 

December 2020 Health Review (Rough Draft)

Have to say I was thinking of noting December as a failure.  I accomplished what I perceive as nothing.  When looking over the month, I had to acknowledge that it was a success even if my mind wanted to place it as a failure, it is not.  

December, it was OK to feel successful. Daily life maintained an OK flow work went well even though it was still too many hours.  I emotionally had to accept that one of my Home Health clients may go into Hospice, which many times means that I will no longer here on earth.   That brings me great pain that has been difficult to work through while still maintain a normalized home and work balance.   Successor failure was a struggle when life was looked at through an anxiety or depression lens.   

My mind sees that I should have done more and not let the future passing of an aquatic.  I know that is illogical. But have placed a high level of emotional height on me.  With great struggle, I can see that as a success.

So there has not been much, at least to myself.  All I can plan for is to continue understanding my depression and anxiety and develop a plan to improve how I look at things.

New Year’s Resolution?

FeaturedNew Year’s Resolution?

Observing Christmas is two days away, and I have little excitement or joy toward the upcoming Holiday. Nevermind the super stressful ‘New Years Resolution’ drama that will be arriving from many in a week. Multiple components are why there is a lack of joy in my interaction with the world around me. Hmm, let’s review what those individual components are.
First off, on the hit parade of living with spiking mental health. Since mid-November, my depression and anxiety has skyrocketed, or at least to me. For example, one of the bloggers I read titled something about imposters. My initial reaction from just the title was that he talked about bloggers pretending to be depressed, and they are not, and I was one of those writers. Yes, irrational, but it took me three days to accept that and read the article, which was terrific as always and reinforced why I have chosen to blog myself. We are a world of diversity of mental health and individuals which we must take responsibility to help ourselves sometimes. Yes, there are educated via college and university professionals that we should speak to and have helped us. There is another level of professionals in the world. These individuals live and breathe mental health, trauma, or any other illness minute by minute and day by day. We are non-university professionals but from a living university of experience, not Harvard or Yale. I am moving forward to another individual component of depression.
The second aspect of my depression that a psychologist noted to me many years ago, but I forget from time to time for a month into winter, is seasonal depression. Which exacerbates my depression I am already trying to work through. For me, this comes into play as an overly distracted thought. Have a challenging time managing my schedule even with calendar prompts. I have all my bills on AutoPay. After all, I would have late payments because I would forget even with a checklist. You have to remember to look at your calendar or list to have them work. I have such a difficult time remembering. I’m not too fond of this time of year for that reason alone. I daily struggle with I am useless. Stupid, and those around me hate me. From November for the next four months, those feelings expand to managers behind closed doors, which means they are planning to fire me, my husband is leaving me, or my daughter’s depression will lead her to suicide. Frustrating all from the distracting thoughts is that constant feeling of I have forgotten something, and I waste so much time trying to figure it out, and it was nothing, but I am late for work because I wasted so much time. Count my life as a success because the time I waste has decreased because I can finally see and understand what is happening to push through faster to accept and keep moving forward—moving on to my next topic on the hit parade.
The third being in Retail/Customer Service is why should I feel joy when I see so many people spending money on presents when last week I watched them choose between getting a package of lunch meat or peanut butter based on cost. Also, they stand there and tell me that they really should not be buying the items. PLEASE stop asking if we are ready for Christmas. Many of us hate Christmas, and reminded us that we have no joy for the Holiday coming up makes us question ourselves. Then there are the screaming children or the kids or adolescents who get candy to keep them quiet or sit on the floor in the aisle blocking traffic and giving attitude when we ask them to move. Let not forget the people who steal but take the time to leave the wrapper to something but take the item. How about the multiple cell phone conversations of arguing about presents or too much money spent. Due to this overspending, people stop shopping in stores from January to March, and my hours get cut in half. I am already struggling over the shopping carts haphazardly put in the cart corrals, but an increase of people leave them in the parking spot beside them or the handicap ramp area. People, the carts do not need to be socially distancing; people do. Let’s not even discuss the attitude and lack of patience or listening skills of customers who accuse you of doing something when their credit card does not go through even though they put it in the machine before you even finished ringing the order. A new one is a tap and pay, and Apple pay does not work at the store, and this is my fault, and the bank or credit card company has told them that this is the safest way to pay and will work at all companies. Nevermind, the touch screens are starting to go because of all the cleaning, and the individual has to use the pen, and the cashier informed how unsanitary that is and how dare I make them touch it. Hello. You have touched cans, packages, and other items that other people have touched, nevermind the touch screen and the number pad. If you work in the customer service industry, please do not come in your work shirt and treat me like I am dirt and stupid because the computer is not working right. There are days I feel like a stereotypical bartender hearing all the problems that I cannot fix even though some of them have been caused by life choices by themselves or others. Okay, so I have reasons for not liking the holidays, moving forward when I see no light at the end of the tunnel except the oncoming train that is going to run me over.
That is where I am at hating the Holiday, at least the commercialized. The Faith-based aspect of the Holiday is a blessing and a curse for me also. Due to my numbing mind, distracting thoughts, and continuously overwhelmed with depression and anxiety. The anxiety of not helping people; some religious traditions get forgotten or started and not completed. So my already helpless feelings multiply because I hear all these people talking about their personal or family Christmas day traditions of reading the story of Jesus’s birth or daily for December following the advent calendar. Nevermind, some religious leaders or okay, meaning friends, tell you or give the impressions that you are less of a person because you are not taking extended periods for the Bible. Bible study and meditation time are essential and helpful, but this is a personal journey of finding the balance between what fits into the demands of life and when and how to decrease the demands on one’s time to spend time in the Bible and prayer. So comparing myself to Jones makes it worse. That does not mean I still keep trying to do something but not make it something that proves my worth. Where does this leave me as we move toward a twenty twenty-one that looks to be a repeat of twenty-twenty? Media and people are struggling with the perceived promise of a vaccine and returning to ‘normal’ also the New Year’s Resolution phase of the beginning of the year.
Honestly, I will not even try to plan New Year’s Resolutions until April or May. I will spend the next three to four months just listing the things in my home and myself that is important and want to change and brainstorm how to accomplish a realistic look at my ebb and flowing mental health needs. In April or May, try implementing life changes two weeks at a time instead of in one set clump created from that research and planning. Feeding the hype makes my life harder, so let’s step back and remove myself from the unrest.
Thank you for taking the time to read. Feel free to comment below to understand others may read the comments, but I probably will not. Anxiety goes through the rough, just considering it still.
May whatever your December and January look like, remember you can do this, and it may not look like another’s journey, but that is the beauty of living. We are all individuals, and our travels look different except the core, keeping fighting and learning. There are good days and bad days. Celebrate the good and learn from the bad.
Remember, the carts are not social distancing during this pandemic; the people using them are.
Cashiers can not fix your financial mistakes. All we can do is tell you what you overspent.
Please shop from January to March. We would like more than ten to twenty hours a week to live on, and we cannot get unemployment because we are employed. Remember, we are paid eight to nine dollars an hour, so that is not a lot to budget and cover expenses.

Christmas in this time of Change

FeaturedChristmas in this time of Change

Life has changed in 2020, individually, society, culture, and religion. Currently, striving to remember that change is inevitable. Change triggered by life choices, community growth or decrease, medical, culture, and social change as events and individuals age and change their view on life and how they impact society’s culture and society. Contemplating the United States community, I see from behind a register and on the floor helping people find things. People used always to thank and wish the employee a Merry Christmas. Now, very little is said, even for my part personally. Christmas is a time of incredible joy from a faith perspective. We are celebrating the Birth of Jesus Christ.  

No, this is not; it would be best to say Merry Christmas, or I feel attacked religiously. I felt joy when someone wished me a Merry Christmas when mental health-wise struggled with my depression. It was just a reminder of seeing children get gifts, celebrating family and friends, calling or sending cards to people in the address book that brought up memories of why they were in that book. Sometimes calling them because you realized you had not talked to them in six months. I feel on edge now in saying Merry Christmas. I ran across the below articles when I searched for why it has become a stressor and taboo to say Merry Christmas. Even Happy Holidays can set people off.  

Had gone in search of why the increase in past years and even worse this year there is no joy but hesitancy in wishing someone Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays.

One was from Politico Magazine, who presented the article written by Daniel Denvir, who works at the Philadelphia City Paper written on December 16, 2013,   A Short History of the War on Christmas.  Found it fascinating that as many things impacting our culture, it began from a small Society or Association that wanted to change their culture. Does reinforce a small group of individuals changes whether that is good or bad; we shall see as the years move forward. The information presented was excellent in that it showed the polarizing extremes of liberal versus conservative sides. My takeaway is that Christmas is not to listen to the extremist and celebrate Christmas based on a family tradition, not a small society segment.  

Christmas meant to generate hope and goodwill for all, not anguish unless there was a loss personally. If there are no traditions, make some of your own. It could revolve around helping an individual or groups all of next year or getting together with friends in the same situation. Get out there, be creative, make your tradition, meditate on your faith, or begin contemplating what worked and what did not, and how to make changes starting in the new year. Moving away from the minefield of Christmas, I tried to find a positive spin toward Christmas.

I came across an article in Country Living by Rebekah Lowin written December 9, 2020, reviewing how Merry Christmas came around. Here’s the Origin of ‘Merry Christmas’ and Why We Say It Today short article but was packed with information that Merry Christmas may have begun in the fifteen hundreds. Found it fascinating that the phrases in many forms have been around for centuries. My takeaway is that using Merry Christmas is not an insult; it is a tradition. Let’s bring joy back by returning to a practice that was an aspect of culture, not an attack on religious freedom. Ground roots action, let’s say Merry Christmas.  

For some prayerfully many, the words are the reminder that Christ Our Saviour was born. For others, it is a celebration of family traditions. Merry Christmas is a cultural phrase of joy, peace, and sentiment. Many need this more than ever to figure out how they will make the money stretch to handle the basics. Others need the reminder of joy in the world, not the negative.

For me, Merry Christmas brings back memories of being at my grandparents baking cookies, helping decorate, and helping cook the Christmas meal. Remember listening to Christmas Music on records from John Denver, Frank Sinatra, and many more, and the Snoopy Christmas Album and love the below song. Sitting writing this up cannot even tell you why, but I feel joy just listening to it again.  

Snoopy vs. Red Baron “Christmas Bells” uploaded by sabrinaxify song written by The Royal Guardsmen 

Since I went from two ends of the spectrum of information, let me wrap this up with two videos from Matthew West presenting first the season’s sentimentality and faith this year. The other is the nitty-gritty of this year. WARNING the second video shows a negative view of Santa for little ears and eyes (children) and does finish with a fantastic reminder of ‘the reason for the season.’  

Matthew West – The Hope of Christmas (Official Music Video) November 6, 2020

Matthew West – Santa Claus COVID Confessionals (from The Hope of Christmas Live) – December 18, 2020

Thank you, Matthew West, for your exceptional talent and ability to put this all together.

Get out and start your traditions and memories of Christmas. Ignore the stores putting up Valentine’s stuff. Let’s strive to go into 2021 with hope and peace for a future year of more change and adapting to a new way of life.

MERRY CHRISTMAS. For those from different religious traditions, may you find joy and happiness? Maybe even start the practice of using your religious connotations. Merry Christmas and _______________! Let’s strive to bring joy to those around us. Let’s not feed conflict from both sides of the aisle. Merry Christmas in whatever form you find yourself celebrating. Life is change, and that is okay.

Happy Thanksgiving

FeaturedHappy Thanksgiving

Wanted to celebrate success in a company that took the 2020 COVID challenge to celebrate and adapted Holiday Tradition of the Macy’s Day Parade; with safety instead of totally cancelling. Congratulations, Macy’s and Verizon, all the employees and volunteers that participated and planned this event. Thank you.

Macy’s Parade – Thanksgiving Day Parade 2020 – Verizon

Macy’s Parade – Thanksgiving Day Parade 2020 – Macy’s Info Page

Retail Holiday Rant

FeaturedRetail Holiday Rant

Working retail during the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas always makes me question why I enjoy my job. One to two weeks before Thanksgiving, a portion of our customers increase in being mean and unforgiving of the slightest infraction. With masks, it is even worse because they feel more comfortable talking under their breath. Why do shoppers think that employees have no feelings?

My thoughts come in several components of why and how to counteract it mentally—unique ideas or perspective of why people are disrespectful and forgetful of goodwill toward all. One is people do not want to spend the money on the holidays. Two The family is making demands unachievable, or the individual is exhausted trying to provide. Three adverse holiday history but everyone around them is cheerful and happy and questions why they are not. Four keeping up with the neighbors or relatives and cannot compete or even have a desire to compete, but think they must keep the trend going. Five corporate entities have put holiday decorations and reminders out since September. Six all the personalities have to be appeased, but no one cares what and how they impacted. These are my perception of why, and there are probably many more.

Honestly, when a shopper is nasty to me, I strive to remember the above list. I do not know where they are emotional or physical. My feelings do get hurt; treated like I have no worth. I strive to remember some of that is my depression. The other is that being an hourly worker is considered menial and low value. Even though we did not work, people would have no way to buy food, products, etc. Another aspect I strive to consider I do not know where someone is the cell phone conversations people have prove that.

Given cell phone conversations, I hear when people are walking through the aisle, in line, put their items on the belt, and paying are numerous. Here are some, so YES, be aware your conversation is not private. Those around you do hear. Unsure about anyone else, but I would prefer not to listen to your private conversations. Why are you on the phone when it is about leaving your spouse, a child ran away and trying to find, money is tight, mother in law verbally attacked you and unsure how to handle it? Other conversations heard is you just needed space and left your spouse and staying with your affair, that the underwear not folded and needs put away, and many more. Nevermind the hourly employees that are supervisors that are still taking work calls off shift. Sometimes for questions that could have easily waited for the next day. The best one for me is when, as a worker, I am considered rude because I am not acknowledging you are in my line except to say hi and give the total of your purchases. You are in a private conversation; if I was at a party or networking event, it is inappropriate to approach; being on the phone is the same. An alternative is text questions and answers more private. You have also verified you tried to reach your family to find out if you needed to pick up milk or another blanket, or a present for a friend or family.

Opps did not realize I had so much pent up frustration over the phone conversations I hear and shoppers’ attitudes. No, we are not perfect workers. Yes, we have the workers that sit or stand around and talk instead of work. There are the workers that are slow as turtles. A worker is ignoring you; I have an explanation for, at least personally, I have poor hearing, and with masks, it is even harder now. For me, I periodically misunderstand someone or plain do not hear unless I catch a person’s lips moving before mask-wearing. Now, I have no reference point. But I do not need the attitude that you have to repeat yourself. Most workers are trying to get things right.

Another aspect is the screaming children that are not in an infant carrier. Please, if you are shopping with another adult, have that adult take the child outside or if the child is at an age to compromise and let them pick a toy or candy if they behave through the whole store. Please do not give them something if they have been screaming through the entire store. It is draining, whining, crying, and repetition wants candy or toy every minute at the register. One, it is distracting when trying to converse with other customers. Nevermind the headache; many of us have halfway through a shift.

Now with the mask-wearing mandates. Some of us are not allowed to speak to a customer due to company policy. Remember, some of us still have to wait on these people who chose not to wear a mask. Customers get huffy if we take time to wipe down the areas and slowed down. Other customers are huffy that we have not had a chance to wipe down because we have a line of six people to wait on. Nevermind, we sometimes run low on supplies. Surveys are continually saying they had to wait, so what do you want us to do. Wait on you with speed, and no cleaning or slowness, and surfaces sanitized. Due to the pandemic’s change in cleaning policies, we will be slower to adhere to CDC health guidelines.

Above are constants throughout the year; there tends to increase screaming and customer attitude during the holidays. Some are due to children’s schedules being thrown off by get-togethers and parents concentrating on prepping for a holiday and not spending as much time with them. Another alternative is trying to pay for the holidays and just asking people to be aware that we are human too and respect that we are providing care to you. Yes, we may not be police, fireman, doctors, and nurses, but housekeeping, call centers, clerks, waitress, and any other public encounter have a place in this world.

Sorry for the rant. Being in the Customer Service industry in many varieties, I just reached a breaking point since I had all of the above in an eight-hour shift that seemed constant. 

Side Note: from the supermarket industry or any that provide carts. Can everyone go back to putting the cart into each other instead of just rolling into and leaving them loose in the corral? Lifting them when they have fallen to the side is frustrating and hurts. Since today is a mentally gloomy day, why do some people feel safe to put a child and elementary, sometimes the middle-school-age child, in the cart’s large area? If they do not fit in the front room, they are supposed to walk with you? 

Have to say sorry, but this is heartfelt, so it is draining treated like we are expendable, which I guess job-wise is everyone right now, just from the eyes of a Service Associate that is already tired and has a month and one week left of the holidays. Which will then move into four to five months of decreased hours and still cranky customers; we will not have enough staff to provide speedy service due to budget cuts till sales increase. Another factor of the grumpy customers is that the bills from the holidays come in, and have to balance buying groceries or paying the credit card.  Another reminder of Loving All even when we do not see eye to eye; like the customers who give puns every time they talk, you hate puns but have to smile like they are lovely.  

Thank you to those who thank us and acknowledge that we are trying as best we can.  

John Paul White ft. Rosanne Cash – We’re All In This Together Now (Official Video)

Found uploaded on April 24, 2020, but it is a reminder that we are still at a difficult point. We do not have an end date yet for the outbreak. As a world, we need to keep caring for all of us. People are stressed, depressed, starving and out of work, and that number will continue to increase. Those working do not know if they will get sick or have a job the next week. Everyone is under stress, not just you; let’s try to remember that when we are out and about this holiday season.  Maybe it is time to stop trying to Keep up with the Jones, instead strive to love our families be they blood or not as they are not how we want them to fit our wish.

Thank you for reading. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Happy Hanakana, and all unknown holidays.


Just a perspective of the public and investigative media on supermarkets: My only concern for these spots mentioned is again time and staff hours are given to the store is limited. These limits do not always provide time to take care of all of these aspects mentioned. The tap pay mentioned, not all companies have that possibility. I liked how they said it is the customer’s responsibility for self-care, not just the company.

CBC News – The dirty truth about supermarkets (Marketplace)

Here is some information and acknowledgement that nurses are struggling.

NBC News – Pennsylvania Nurses Go On Strike as Covid Cases Surge – 11/18/2020

Thank you to all the industries that deal with the same or similair issues but I do not feel right speaking for a bus driver, landscaper, or anyother service industry that I do not have a direct reference to. Keep up the great work the world could not run without us. Would love to return to a time that all forms of employement where considered valuable instead of just the college degreed.

Thank you for those who read. Again a reminder my anxiety and depression I am not a position at this time to read and respond to comments.

Looking Around at the Holidays and Future?

FeaturedLooking Around at the Holidays and Future?

Where do we go from here during this time of change and the upcoming Holidays about family and gifts? Personally have reached a limit on the phrase of ‘return to normal.’ We are not going to return to what once was. Previous outbreaks have brought change to how civilizations and cultures live. Where does this leave an individual with mental health when surrounded by so much negativity? 

Unsure about anyone else, but living in an agitated, selfish, and malicious culture has become extremely difficult. Living with depression, at least for me, is a struggle to see the positive; when surrounded by the negativity coming from family, friends, social media, and media—struggling how to balance out living in the world without my depression getting worse. Over the last two months, I have found and been working on why my depression has increased in severity. When this happens, I always strive to see if it is an exterior or interior life component triggering a spike in my depression. Looking over the exterior is when I was thinking over my interactions with people, social media, and news.  

When people irritate me with their selfishness, or you’re a moron voice and unrealistic expectations. I pull out my crazy smile and phrase, “I love people!” once I leave the area. I started saying this many years ago when working with the public. People I interact with expect perfection in everything; for the most part, that is not achievable. The daily person does not live an episode of ‘The Rich and Famous’ or have the money for an HGTV perfect home. Many components impact what people can have or a company or individual can provide. Be this information, services, and products. Considering other alternatives to why what you want is not available, supplies delayed, information can change at the drop of a hat, so many other things. (Side note: people stop stockpiling cleaning supplies, toilet paper, and paper towels; you are causing a problem that was not there until you created it). Never mind that an employee can be tired but has to work and cannot think as quickly of the options available to offer if there is any available or even care to help. Accepting that not every interaction will be perfect helps reduce the negativity or agitation that personal business brings. Social media is another component that prompts quite a bit of turmoil and negativity.

Social Media should be considered more of a gossip column, not facts. Many things are posted, which is an individual’s perception of facts, not facts unless linked to a professional well-researched website. It has reached a point that a part of self-care that I have done is that I only have a Facebook account to be aware of what is happening in the family and close friends. Additionally, a separate account to post my blog and store link. There are some individuals I do not unfriend, so I do not cause agitation by my actions. Still, I do not read or like their posts anymore—the dissemination of information causes more doubt in public officials or friends and family activities. Steps we need to take to move forward out of this current outbreak and political conflict. We may not always agree with the situation as a whole, but we must strive to keep the chaos to a minimum and seek to help those around us not agitate or become agitated. I will say that some of the facts may be true, but is it necessary to stir up trouble and upload to a public forum that will create so much agitation or, in the end, false information. If you want facts to get out, send it out as a messenger, not a public post. I am for returning Facebook to the point of family contact and marketplace, not a field of social agitation. Media is a whole other ball of wax.

Media, routinely covered of just touching base on the basic. I wanted to offer how to approach viewing the process outside of just touching upon the idea of avoidance. When considering and the commentator becomes negative, view it through the scope makes this impact personally and change it. If it does not personally impact is emotionally moving it to knowledge but unobtainable fix by me. When I cannot fix something, I need to move it to not worry about it emotionally, more worry leads to expanding my anxiety and depression, and I cannot afford to take on more than I can handle.

News 5 Cleveland, Ohio local news 11/22/2020 9 am

Weather Report: Selfish, you are on your own. If I could move, I would, and then I remember that Ohio has mild winters compared to others and rarely have severe weather like hurricanes or tsunami.

Schooling report: Personally cannot fix this, so worrying about the children is not productive; I have my high school student I am trying to graduate. If I felt I needed to fix this, I would contact my local school, library, churches, and recreation centers to see if I could volunteer to help or contact a local mom or mom’s group and assist with homeschooling.  

Local shops and restaurants support: Supporting local business this I can do. I can buy gift cards and donate them to Goodwill, Salvation Army, pregnancy centers, homeless shelters, and other help groups. I could even send them as thank you to the voter poll workers, teachers, postal workers, local grocery, retail, or restaurant workers.

Just a look at examples of how I am trying to live successfully in a perceived hostile culture; nothing is perfect, and striving for it will only exacerbate one’s mental health.

Documentary of Why to Help.  Examples of at least people striving to improve the lives of others and that more help is needed.

It is not meant to be a down on the United States, but we a genuinely blessed nation for the most part. Our society’s large segment conflicted on mask-wearing, race, poverty, corporate greed, fact or fiction on medical information, and political landscape. I have mentioned we need to look at the local needs and help. Here is an international and local example of why we, as individuals, should strive to find where we can help others.

Texas Country Reporter – Kind House Bakery  This is an example of an international from Texas. If one is to look around or network through social media, there is something local to you or create something close to heart and doable. Changing how the International local communities see the US and helping others is just as important as local. 

What did strike me and prompted the US culture is spoiled in a large portion of our country because the showing living in a war zone and the money will buy fuel for people. We need to acknowledge, though, in the US, large segments of our society are just as deprived. One can volunteer or give financially locally if one looks.

OH Local 12 – Inner-city teens talk about problems they face at the youth forum

BBC News – US inner-city children suffer ‘war zone’ trauma

Watching the BBC News does show what prompted the race riots that started in May and many years prior. It gives an example of why it turned violent since that is what surrounded by violence can create. We are such a large country we can strive to change by giving people opportunities. 

I ask myself why the media does not present yes, there is shooting, but these are groups that are striving to make cultural changes. Change takes time and effort, but as individuals, we can change our culture; it is one less individual that needs help. Some will not accept assistance and return to what they are comfortable with, but trying is something better than nothing. Doing something can be direct or indirect, whatever an individual’s comfort and interest level is.

Here is another national presentation of the impact of the needs of our local community.  CBS Sunday Morning – The rise in Americans’ Food Insecurity what struck me is that this is a national face of the condition. How to help give to national food banks, support and help people understand how to grow food at home even if in an apartment during this Christmas time gift a how-to and physical package of how to succeed at home, and give or help where you can. As one can tell, our government will not help, so find where to assist because the government will not or will take too long. Search for a personal or local situation to help, even if it is a word or physical health. As individuals, we can make a difference, do not wait for the government to help. For me, that is donating financially to a local food bank and helping where I can at my job in a local supermarket. Sometimes that is just contributing a nickel, dime, or a dollar to someone trying to buy food and is short a little. I cannot afford or be allowed to pay a whole bill, but someone in line can see this happen. It is not much, but I can personally do that makes me feel that I am helping. No, I am not affluent; my bills are severely tight, but if I can help those worse than I, I will be the best of my ability.

Let’s strive to not look at the negative as woo is them or me, but as can I or someone else helps with this. There are so many organizations that are struggling for volunteers and money. Do one or the other to help or just a thank you card for all you do. Do not look to the government because, realistically, what I see, they do not understand or care. They look at the fiscal bottom line and their lobbyist, not the people that need them. Seek to help others, or if you need help, seek out those who can help, whether mental health or physical health. As a world, we can survive the changes ahead as a community of individuals looking to support our local needs.  

Upcoming Holiday of Thanksgiving in the United States: Stressors are money for meals or travel, family arriving, or inability to come.

Here is an idea plan a menu that you will all prepare at individual homes and set up a time on Zoom or conference call on the phone to talk and eat as a family. Another idea is watching the game or family movies through Zoom, Facebook, or any other communication method. Communication and compromise are how to make this holiday work safely. Yes, it is not like last year or other past events, but you are still as a family, just a new view. 

Food will look differently for others. I have included two videos that I found that gave lovely ideas that are different. Our family has a simple menu of stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, squash, Gravy, and Thick slice Low Salt Turkey or Regular Turkey from the Deli. We are not big turkey eaters, so three slices for a family of three work perfectly. Also, we will be calling my husband’s dad and talking with him. Due to Covid, we are not getting together because my father-in-law is in his late seventies and has several health issues, and he asked us not to meet at a buffet or restaurant as we have in past years.

 Joshua Weissman – A Whole Thanksgiving Dinner for 35 Dollars – But Cheaper (side note: ignore the MSG note) would not include.

Glen & Friends Cooking – Stuffed Rolled Turkey Breast Recipe – Turkey Roulade with Sausage Stuffing – Personally, if I were not working so much, I would do this, may even try it when life slows down with chicken.

Joshua Weissman – The Easiest Pecan Pie Ever (2 ways) – not something I prefer but at the 5-minute mark, he does make a turtle soft serve out of the leftover pie, which was fun to watch

To celebrate family, YES, it is different but is it not better to create new memories and successes of working around a problem than it is than be bitter and angry that you let a problem conquer you? We are a world of fixers fix the problem within the constrictions you have and call the holidays a success toward change.  Live Your Life: T-Shirt

For a silly look at life through a music video and the upcoming Christmas Holiday, which will bring new challenges that we will succeed if we stop comparing to the past and see a new beginning, you can change your lens to follow a new future.

Home Free – Cold Hard CASH (For Christmas) – I love the humor that this brought. Christmas is about family, not about the gifts. For Christians, it is Birth of Christ. Maybe this year, it is time to look at spending time with family playing games or going through a photo album. Yes, you may not be together; make someone the central clearinghouse of information or photos. Scan and upload family videos or images to a created website, Facebook, or a locked YouTube account that only goes to the family. Go out and create new memories, not more significant agitation of comparing to years past that is not obtainable due to the changes brought on by 2020. We will survive and thrive if we look out for those around us. Call or drop a postcard to someone that they are loved and remembered. We can succeed if we accept that replicating the past is not feasible but creating new memories will be worth it in the end.

Quick Thank you to those who have read and linked to follow. I will apologize I currently have not acheived a level of comfort with my depression and anxiety to read comments. Thank you to those who leave them. Have a great day.

Works Cited

Tognotti, E. (2013). Lessons from the History of Quarantine, from Plague to Influenza A. Emerging Infectious Diseases, 19(2), 254-259.

“What were the critical events in the life of Jesus Christ?” (n.d.). Retrieved 11/22/2020, from

Father’s Day 2020?

For the fathers out there today, have a good day as you celebrate with your families. Those that do not have the ability due to so many different situations. May be able to celebrate on another day either in person or in memories. Father’s Day, like Mother’s Day, can be a joy or pain depending on the situations involved in an individual’s life.

For me, there is little to work with. My father passed away in the late eighties, but honestly not missed. It took years to accept that I did not have the picture-perfect father, and it was okay to feel pain. Will you look at that I married someone that holds little for Father’s Day as well? The benefit is that I have no expenses for this day. My husband will call his dad instead of a visit, but that is okay with his father, so it must be a family tradition.  

Growing up, my family, holiday get-togethers at my grandparents, was a priority. My grandmother always made great desserts, and my grandfather made a great meal. Which now that I have typed that looks wrong that my grandfather had to prep the lunch at least on Father’s Day. For him, it was ‘survival’ grammy made amazing desserts meal were not her skill; she was terrific at grampa was. Then I remembered that we grilled and grandpa and I always cooked together. Grandpa was the one who taught me that when preparing for four cooks for five so that the two people cooking can test/sample the fifth piece to make sure it ‘tasted’ good. I loved cooking with grandpa and hearing about living in Northern Maine and growing up in a logging camp. I miss him still, and he has gone for 24 years. He was my father figure when his son could not. I feel so blessed to learn so much from him. When I live a life, I strive to honor my grandfather and grandmother.  

Even for those without the ‘normal’ mother or father relationship, hopefully, we have had a family member or mentor that filled the spot of a father. Nothing in this current world of living life as you see fit says you cannot honor the individual instead of a family member that missed out on living being like a father. Olay ad that fits the point I am trying to make about the variety of father figures out there have someone step forward. As seen in some of the images and comments sections may not match the norm, but some of us cannot live healthily. Nevermind that normal is a myth.

Olay North America – Because of Them/Father’s Day OLAY

Here is Jim Gaffigan’s take on Father’s Day to wrap up this quick update on Father’s Day.

Jim Gaffigan – My Application for Father of the Year – 2015-2019 Compilation

Prayerfully this day finds people well no matter how you are participating in this day.