Category: Retail

Journey of Self, Home, and Employment

FeaturedJourney of Self, Home, and Employment

Journey of Self, Home, and Employment and my effort to keep moving forward in life even when I want to hide and stall out instead of finding who I am.

As life moves forward, backward, or stalled, our lives can be a cornucopia of family, drama, culture, social, economic, employment, career, physical health, mental health, and any other variety that is living. Striving to live or move forward in this ever-changing abundance can seem to be smooth or a struggle during this personal journey. For me, employment has always been around what fits my family’s needs. So much of what I do only has the goal to please others. Whether I am looking for the verbal response or my own personal view of pleasing, this seems to be what drives me is pleasing others, not myself. Unsure this is due to my mental health needs or upbringing, which bothers me when I take the time to look back or forward. Why do I need to please others at the cost of my physical and mental well-being? This is a question off and on this journey of life, and I still have no answers except I feel worthless most days. Most people do not see it; all they see is I always say yes.

Pleasing others, not myself, when looking back is what always seems to drive my life. What seems, though, is against what society says is please yourself. Lately, I have been pondering what that means, and mentally can I make that work. Currently, my desire to please others has me working sixty hours a week with no days off. Looking back on my life journey, I have always had two jobs, work and school, work and family, or best of all, work, school, family. Which got me thinking, do I work outside of the home to run from home? The only time I only had one job outside of the home was when my daughter was little. Is this push to please others because there is no response from those within my home; all I am is the housekeeper with no verbal reward. In the outside work, I get a thank you. I have to do something. I have reached a wall of exhaustion. How do I balance what drives me with is just what my mind tells me I am responsible for.  

Responsibilities are retail employment at a company that does not provide for its workers well, or the customer needs. The second is assisting an individual with 24-hour care, and the home health care system is not providing. Family and house care is my next what feels like employment, not family care. Church volunteers on weekends and weekdays, fortunately only three hours on a rotation. Blogging is another aspect of my life, but this brings me joy in writing, so is this a pleasing piece of myself? Another is starting my own business as an independent travel agent, a return to a dream I had in the eighties but unable to fill due to a lack of belief in myself. Reviewing this list brings consternation that my mind has placed me in another pothole or speed bump; that I am overthinking and struggling to leave this current dead end path and rebuild this path to a life that pleases others but also bring joy to myself that can balance out the negative my mental health daily has me living.  

What do I pare back on this rebuilding of my life journey when I feel exhausted and overwhelmed? Which physically may get worse due to my work schedule has caused my insurance to remove my CPAP machine due to the policy that if the machine is not in use for over four hours daily, they will not cover the cost and covering a monthly hundred dollar bill never mind the upfront four hundred the company is demanding. Okay, back to trimming my life to pursue what brings me joy. I cannot fix the insurance company, find an alternative health path around it.  

Thoughts on trimming or rebuilding my current life journey. Retail work searching for a company that cares for its employees and better work hours that I am home before midnight maybe eight. Home health is striving to limit my hours but still make sure the individual has care and keeps speaking to others that may be willing to fill the hours that I physically can not. Another option is to leave retail work that I have worked for twenty years completely and work at home healthcare since that is the greatest need. The problem, though, is through journaling, I have found the greatest part of self I have is retail/customer service. I can provide care in short spurts. These short spurts allow me to recoup the mental drain that develops in striving to be perfect for the individual needing care. I acknowledge that I am not a good fit for home healthcare; there is no hiding from the individual who sees you for four to nine hours a day. How do I find that enjoyment in providing care in short gaps? This is one reason I am considering returning to my childhood dream of being an independent travel agent.  

Yes, being a travel agent requires I interact, but it is not like the blog where I have people trying to change or tell me I am wrong for how I think or feel. With travel, I can research and prepare detailed and extensive options to provide amazing travel options. It is on that individual to make a choice based on budget or priority of goals. So yes, I have options, but how do I move forward when the travel takes time to develop to be profitable, and I need to trim back on one or both of my other jobs. That is the crossroads I am still on but gaining closer to a decision. This does leave me still with the struggle of family and the lack of interaction. 

The family is striving to restructure the hours that I am home earlier in the evening and try for a set day off if possible. Home is setting a better to-do schedule that gets the basics done well instead of just the half-butt way that is being done now. Additionally, accept that I will never hear the verbalization of a job well done. Which after twenty years of silence is still difficult but is just something I have to accept. Keeping my church volunteer schedule due to the sense of peace I feel when looking after the nursery-age children. When the retail job, fewer hours are worked, and I can implement the travel business’s training and start-up. I still struggle with home health because my heart wants to help, but as mentioned before, it is mentally draining for my personality. There is such a need for home healthcare workers for those that want to live at home. I do not feel right leaving an individual that needs me to be their hands and feet. My work-life journey is planned for a rebuild, but I still have not internally answered pleasing myself. In a way, though, in keeping with the blogging and travel are my enjoyment.

Unsure if this is helpful for anyone else but trying to find where and what brings joy in this life journey when exhausted from striving to live for others. This journey is stalled at the bridge or path that needs a rebuild. We will see where this journey moves forward. May this be helpful for those trying to move forward when everything seems stalled and overwhelming. Thank you to those who read. Still not in an emotional position to read comments but thank you to those that leave them. Have a great day.

Follow up, the Luxe light mentioned in the previous pieces has been working well. My sleep seems improved, and managing my anxiety and depression seems easier. Still struggling with a bit of paranoia which is normally only three to four days out a month. Unsure if that is due to the light or the current exhaustion and stress I am currently under.

Wrote the above on March 11, 2021, and it is now March 17, 2021. I came across the below March 14, 2021 Presentation from CBS Sunday Morning about Melissa & Doug toy company’s creators. I found amazing peace in knowing I am not alone in feeling and hiding my depression. Additionally, I found knowledge that it is okay to change paths in life and move forward. Personally, not positive yet about what all moving forward looks like but, this piece was refreshing. Also, the website LifeLines that they have started looks amazing.

CBS Sunday Morning – Melissa & Doug co-founder on confronting her depression March 14, 2021

Silly Note:

After the serious topic, I leave you with this funny look at winter from a southern state resident’s perspective. Living in Ohio, I can relate to the cold comments.

Home Free – Southerner in the Snow March 12, 2021

FAITH: when going over this review and considering rebuilding my life journey. The message below is what our Pastor preached on life responsibilities, and Faith in God’s got this life journey. I will have to listen again because of my exhaustion and where my depression and anxiety are. Additionally, thinking that my Thyroid numbers may be off, but it may also still be me adjusting to the Luxe light I have been working with that has been working great.  

I struggle to follow through and have Faith in Father Almighty’s message, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit have my life. It is not the lack of faith in God but in myself which does seem backward when thinking about Christianity, but that is where my depression puts me in Faith that gets me up in the morning and moves through life. Still, the anxiety and depression feed the doubt of my worthiness of the Gift we have in the Salvation through the sacrifice of Christ’s sacrifice.  

Currently, my life journey is in rebuilding and refining my place in the world and my faith as a Christ-follower.

Hope Church – February 28. 2021 Service 9 am

Random Observation in This Time of Change

FeaturedRandom Observation in This Time of Change

Struggling during this ebb and flow, Ohio winter sunny one day than grey another. My spike in my typical depression symptoms that I manage is still flaring. This feeling of overwhelm is where this post is coming from as I maintain a surface watch of the media’s presentation of our changing political landscape and how we have gone from words of hatred of the outgoing leadership and the great and glorious saving of the incoming administration. I struggle with the many euphoric expectations of the media. The incoming will fix the problems when this has been ongoing many presidential changes, continuing to worsen for the lower to the middle class. 

As in the previous post, my childish perspective on life is why life and the world cannot be fair. The reality of life fairness does not exist unless it’s on an individual basis. I cannot expect the world to be honest. Still, corporate entities’ goal is to make a profit no matter the cost, politicians are out to present themselves in only a positive light, and all other large entities. Many are out to explain; they are doing a fantastic job even if they are not. I am one of the uneducated, low humans on the list of priorities and the ability to make changes to the larger picture. Still striving to live life well or give the image of reaching for the corporate lifestyle, but most of us don’t succeed. There is nothing wrong with not advancing goals in life are personal goals in life. Plans based on decisions made and the situation impact your success emotionally, personally, or physically. This thought came when I caught the brief news about the attack on Washington last week. Media, corporate, and political structure kept stressing this point the week before last and blamed only one individual for inciting the situation. What happened to make the people who choose to act responsibly for their actions. They made a conscious choice to be there; they consciously decided to work in an irresponsible, impractical manner. As an individual, you are responsible for seeing the right or wrong of the actions. As a country, we have shown better, more peaceful ways. Yes, they may come violently due to our society’s segment that sees this as the only solution. Words and actions are the responsibility of the individual. Don’t we all say words that we should process and then think over the repercussions before proceeding forward? The efforts of many contributed to the harmful and inappropriate method of communication two weeks ago. But as with the race riots in May, should we not be looking at the underlying trigger of the reason for the large portion of discontent. I AM NOT saying what happened was right, but in May, I told people were in pain, and that made it okay; my question whether right or wrong, why is last week not the same, just on a more extensive or consequential action? It is just a thought to ponder how our information is presented to us that we must strive to see and research the big picture and how we can, if at all, help.  

I see from one of the bottom rungs that people are tired of being ignored, and they choose a brutal way of showing that. Our politicians’ and corporations’ actions make large paychecks with a little benefit offered to those supposed to direct guidance. We have a large portion of our society that feels undervalued, and their way of life attacked. There are rules in place of stagnating creativity. There are rules in place that harm our disabled, and I still am terrified for Medicaid for all. Unless government and corporations rebuild the system, the CEOs and lobbyists step back from the design and implementation restructuring process. Both CEOs and Lobbyists make millions of dollars from the medical and insurance industry. Democrats and Republicans are just as accountable. I am unsure where specifically I was going with this, but as I watch briefly, Trump’s decisions to leave before the presidential election change and the fiscal waste of pushing to impeach again. Biden’s and Harris’s marketing presentations about past actions on the government floor as they are when neither of their actions speaks to what they’re promoting right now through the media, they are perfect. Trump was an uncouth braggart. Yes, he had no filter and created a hostile work environment, but many of us have to work in a hostile work environment and succeed. Why can’t our politicians have done the same? They make more money than the rest of us and have more vacation time to unwind and destress. That is in the past, and those of us impacted the most by future decisions made will need to step back to view how decisions are made and learn to live with the consequences of high power decisions that sound great, but implementation is lacking.

Sometimes I wish somebody that had paralysis or a family with a child with developmental disabilities would speak and be allowed to present the current limitations and red tape a large portion of our society has to live with the Medicaid system. The Medicaid system is not there physically to truly help those in need. On paper, it looks great that managers advocate for their clients, which is so far from the truth as what I see from working in the industry as a Home Health Aide and previously in the Nursing Home Industry.

Additionally, the other factor that nobody presents an accurate working plan for is a wage for the essential works that are not nurses and doctors that have stayed working since March at great danger of getting COVID. I came across the below article on the local news about hourly workers in the retail, restaurants, factory, housekeeping, and more; the low man on the totem pole has kept the country going. 

News 5 Cleveland – Thousands of Ohio frontline workers make minimum wage; advocates say it needs to increase 1/19/2021

Yes, I know the medical industry is keeping us safe, but you buy your food from someone that’s paid eight dollars an hour, they want to pay us 15. That’s all well and good, except for I have worked through the change from 525 an hour to eight dollars an hour minimum wage. I have watched customer service nosedive due to a decrease in the number of staff members allowed scheduled. I have watched being able to get a full-time job in retail and restaurants down to only get part-time with no insurance or insurance worth most of my paycheck. I have watched as a manager not being able to offer training hours to incoming staff. I have seen having 4 to 5 people on the team in one shift down to two, so what is the purpose of going from eight dollars an hour to 15? Do you want one person running a register unless something happens on how the whole pay scale is set up? I see no point in increasing pay from $8 an hour to $15 an hour unless there is planning for making drastic changes in the CEO salary. That is where the money is going; it sure as heck isn’t going for PPE and safety protocol except on paper. It is not going for the hours I’m sure we could have benefits that we could afford because your company can say they offer help. Still, when you genuinely look at what’s being provided how much we’re expected to pay, we’re losing our paycheck to pay for insurance. Words mean nothing unless there is an extensive plan. That is my pondering questions, but what’s the point since this has been going on since the eighties. I know part of my cynical outlook is personally my seasonal depression impacting. Some of it, though, I don’t see the point of words. I would appreciate action on the part of our lawmakers in our CEOs the people who paid the least are the ones expected to do the physical labor. Many of them have three to four jobs their families impacted because they’ve got to make ends meet. There’s got to be a decision: do I raise my family or do I pay the bills too? Do I work to pay the bills? So yeah, excellent $15 an hour, but what does that accomplish? I will be working with fewer people to cover that because it is not taken toward the CEOs. I mean, if they can afford to have multiple vacation homes and a fantastic yacht and I can’t go on vacation for 15 years if at all I can barely pay the mortgage, so what’s the point of working.  

Sorry, this is not a rah get out, and we can succeed, which it should be. We can keep fighting the system and help or find help for others or get out and help someone. Just on my retail job, all I see is a fractured opinion of us nevermind I almost got hit by two cars last week while getting carts. In my Home Health work, I help an individual with quadriplegic, which has a Hoyer that broke for the last month and is still not fixed. The individual has a ten-year-old wheelchair that causes severe pain and pressure sores that Medicaid denied the claim. Even though the back is broken, several aspects of it do not work. Individuals cannot get it repaired because Medicaid will not allow them to get a new one for another one year to five. So I am at a level of apathy that what is the point the government and corporate entities do not care about those in genuine need. I am sure of many more examples, which makes me scared for the proposed Medicaid for all. I also leave you with an example of a YouTuber that I respect and due to having surgery and shows the absolute mess our Medical system is.

The Outdoor Gear Review – The Upcoming Surgery – Random Lunch and Chat 1/19/2021

This piece does not mean I am throwing in the towel. I am just one small voice in a sea of many that feel the government is not heard or seen right now. I hold hope and pray that our world will change for the better. That our government truly means what they are saying. In the meantime, as individuals, we keep helping our fellow man personally when we can impact our government and corporate entities in voting.  

I leave you with several links.

One is the Poem by Amanda Gorman’s twenty-twenty-one inauguration poem, which fits the fight as the individual.    

CNN Politics – Youth Poet Laureate Amanda Gorman’s inaugural Poem

I also perceive the dog and pony show of our Cabinet member Question and Answer and approval process by many of the upper echelons. Speaking as if they truly understand how this will be implemented on the ground floor, not the ivory tower they live in, or the reports received that did not question the worker but the CEO.

PBS NewsHour 1/21/2021 LIVE – Pete Buttigieg’s confirmation hearing for Secretary of Transportation 1/21/2021

I will also leave you with the beauty of what individuals can do when they change their life direction.

CBS Sunday Morning – “Humans”: Connecting with the world one photo at a time. 12/13/2020

Let me leave you with a big picture of what I strive for daily, even with my negativity for the last two to three weeks, where I got stuck in thinking I could change the big picture. It is a presentation of the repaired Penn Station.

CBS This Morning – Inside NYC’s ornate new Penn Station train hall = 1/2/2021

Many of us still feel overwhelmed by either our health, situation, work, school, family, and anything else. As individuals, we have a responsibility to keep moving forward, change and improve what you can, and support those that are stuck and are still struggling to receive what they need to live well. Reach out if you need help or be there if someone needs help or just a friendly ear to vent to as they struggle to move forward. As individuals, we can succeed and thrive. It just looks different because we are all individuals, not machines. This time of change is like seasons. There is beauty, but there is also the muck and the mire. Keep moving forward. You’ve got this.

New Year’s Resolution?

FeaturedNew Year’s Resolution?

Observing Christmas is two days away, and I have little excitement or joy toward the upcoming Holiday. Nevermind the super stressful ‘New Years Resolution’ drama that will be arriving from many in a week. Multiple components are why there is a lack of joy in my interaction with the world around me. Hmm, let’s review what those individual components are.
First off, on the hit parade of living with spiking mental health. Since mid-November, my depression and anxiety has skyrocketed, or at least to me. For example, one of the bloggers I read titled something about imposters. My initial reaction from just the title was that he talked about bloggers pretending to be depressed, and they are not, and I was one of those writers. Yes, irrational, but it took me three days to accept that and read the article, which was terrific as always and reinforced why I have chosen to blog myself. We are a world of diversity of mental health and individuals which we must take responsibility to help ourselves sometimes. Yes, there are educated via college and university professionals that we should speak to and have helped us. There is another level of professionals in the world. These individuals live and breathe mental health, trauma, or any other illness minute by minute and day by day. We are non-university professionals but from a living university of experience, not Harvard or Yale. I am moving forward to another individual component of depression.
The second aspect of my depression that a psychologist noted to me many years ago, but I forget from time to time for a month into winter, is seasonal depression. Which exacerbates my depression I am already trying to work through. For me, this comes into play as an overly distracted thought. Have a challenging time managing my schedule even with calendar prompts. I have all my bills on AutoPay. After all, I would have late payments because I would forget even with a checklist. You have to remember to look at your calendar or list to have them work. I have such a difficult time remembering. I’m not too fond of this time of year for that reason alone. I daily struggle with I am useless. Stupid, and those around me hate me. From November for the next four months, those feelings expand to managers behind closed doors, which means they are planning to fire me, my husband is leaving me, or my daughter’s depression will lead her to suicide. Frustrating all from the distracting thoughts is that constant feeling of I have forgotten something, and I waste so much time trying to figure it out, and it was nothing, but I am late for work because I wasted so much time. Count my life as a success because the time I waste has decreased because I can finally see and understand what is happening to push through faster to accept and keep moving forward—moving on to my next topic on the hit parade.
The third being in Retail/Customer Service is why should I feel joy when I see so many people spending money on presents when last week I watched them choose between getting a package of lunch meat or peanut butter based on cost. Also, they stand there and tell me that they really should not be buying the items. PLEASE stop asking if we are ready for Christmas. Many of us hate Christmas, and reminded us that we have no joy for the Holiday coming up makes us question ourselves. Then there are the screaming children or the kids or adolescents who get candy to keep them quiet or sit on the floor in the aisle blocking traffic and giving attitude when we ask them to move. Let not forget the people who steal but take the time to leave the wrapper to something but take the item. How about the multiple cell phone conversations of arguing about presents or too much money spent. Due to this overspending, people stop shopping in stores from January to March, and my hours get cut in half. I am already struggling over the shopping carts haphazardly put in the cart corrals, but an increase of people leave them in the parking spot beside them or the handicap ramp area. People, the carts do not need to be socially distancing; people do. Let’s not even discuss the attitude and lack of patience or listening skills of customers who accuse you of doing something when their credit card does not go through even though they put it in the machine before you even finished ringing the order. A new one is a tap and pay, and Apple pay does not work at the store, and this is my fault, and the bank or credit card company has told them that this is the safest way to pay and will work at all companies. Nevermind, the touch screens are starting to go because of all the cleaning, and the individual has to use the pen, and the cashier informed how unsanitary that is and how dare I make them touch it. Hello. You have touched cans, packages, and other items that other people have touched, nevermind the touch screen and the number pad. If you work in the customer service industry, please do not come in your work shirt and treat me like I am dirt and stupid because the computer is not working right. There are days I feel like a stereotypical bartender hearing all the problems that I cannot fix even though some of them have been caused by life choices by themselves or others. Okay, so I have reasons for not liking the holidays, moving forward when I see no light at the end of the tunnel except the oncoming train that is going to run me over.
That is where I am at hating the Holiday, at least the commercialized. The Faith-based aspect of the Holiday is a blessing and a curse for me also. Due to my numbing mind, distracting thoughts, and continuously overwhelmed with depression and anxiety. The anxiety of not helping people; some religious traditions get forgotten or started and not completed. So my already helpless feelings multiply because I hear all these people talking about their personal or family Christmas day traditions of reading the story of Jesus’s birth or daily for December following the advent calendar. Nevermind, some religious leaders or okay, meaning friends, tell you or give the impressions that you are less of a person because you are not taking extended periods for the Bible. Bible study and meditation time are essential and helpful, but this is a personal journey of finding the balance between what fits into the demands of life and when and how to decrease the demands on one’s time to spend time in the Bible and prayer. So comparing myself to Jones makes it worse. That does not mean I still keep trying to do something but not make it something that proves my worth. Where does this leave me as we move toward a twenty twenty-one that looks to be a repeat of twenty-twenty? Media and people are struggling with the perceived promise of a vaccine and returning to ‘normal’ also the New Year’s Resolution phase of the beginning of the year.
Honestly, I will not even try to plan New Year’s Resolutions until April or May. I will spend the next three to four months just listing the things in my home and myself that is important and want to change and brainstorm how to accomplish a realistic look at my ebb and flowing mental health needs. In April or May, try implementing life changes two weeks at a time instead of in one set clump created from that research and planning. Feeding the hype makes my life harder, so let’s step back and remove myself from the unrest.
Thank you for taking the time to read. Feel free to comment below to understand others may read the comments, but I probably will not. Anxiety goes through the rough, just considering it still.
May whatever your December and January look like, remember you can do this, and it may not look like another’s journey, but that is the beauty of living. We are all individuals, and our travels look different except the core, keeping fighting and learning. There are good days and bad days. Celebrate the good and learn from the bad.
LOL
Remember, the carts are not social distancing during this pandemic; the people using them are.
Cashiers can not fix your financial mistakes. All we can do is tell you what you overspent.
Reminder
Please shop from January to March. We would like more than ten to twenty hours a week to live on, and we cannot get unemployment because we are employed. Remember, we are paid eight to nine dollars an hour, so that is not a lot to budget and cover expenses.

Random Observation – Mental Health, Personal Value and Covid

FeaturedRandom Observation – Mental Health, Personal Value and Covid

Personal random observation from a valley of depressive thought.  Depression and Anxiety have flared up this last week.  Unsure if the flare-up is due to being that I live in the Northern part of the United States, feeling of no value, or the constant empathy and wanting to help others.  The struggle has become in listening to the media.  Media presents all of these families facing poverty and the consequences of losing a home, education, and food.  Being in a grocery store cashing out individuals who have to decide what to buy when there is not enough money do they buy peanut butter or deli meat, etc.  Our politicians on the Federal level do not seem to care and keep squabbling like selfish children.  Our State and Town officials, at least in Ohio, make decisions that seem to help but follow through seem to be more lip service than actual change.  We have a stay at home 10 pm to 5 am; most people are home at the point those that are not are anti-social anyway and enjoy shopping and being in areas where there are no people regardless.  Then there is my employment struggle.

Being part of the Home Health Aide industry and working in people’s homes to care for the paralyzed or infirmed.  Retail Industry and caring for another base’s needs and finding my place in covering for call-offs.  Finding the balance between home life and making sure that an individual or client can have their primary care needs taken care of but not at the cost of my health mentally and physically and my family needs.  A friend of mine graciously pointed out my internal need to fix all problems.

Got me to thinking about why I try to fix things when the corporate owners, policymakers, and lobbyist should do so or at least what we are lead to believe but see little here in the US.  I also feel that we should still be accountable for the problems we see and help where we can.  What has been making me ponder my value in a cynical look due to my mental health?  Also, taking a view of the media presentation of information?  The roll-out of vaccination to the city hospitals.  I see little that goes to the smaller cities and towns.  Also, there is no information or planning about the general populace mid to late next year or the fall out when people realize that 2021 will be a copy and paste of 2020.

On the other hand, I do not want to take the vaccine NOT for any anti-vaccine reason, but personal health concerns.  I usually run on odd reactions or allergies for prescriptions.   The concern is the allergic reactions documented out of Britan. Unique value where you go when you see you have none and those around you gives you the impression you have none.

My takeaways are that I have value to my family even though the words are not said.  Value to the client I take care of in helping care for the basic needs that a spinal injury caused to decrease physical self-sufficiency but did not harm the mind.  Finally, there is value in caring for the feeding, clothing, and primary care need supplies to those coming into the store.  The weight must be found by myself and not seek to see it through the words or actions of the people I care for or the media.  Simple to say but harder to follow through.

For me, COVID has not impacted my interaction with others just due to the employment I have.  As individuals searching out and determining personal value may be challenging, but now is the time when you may have more time on hand.  There are employment opportunities. They may not be glamorous, but the retail, home health aide, kitchen help at hospitals, and more.  Working lower pay jobs is physically taxing but can help the budget extend and strive to meet some basic needs.  

Thank you for reading this random observation of my value struggles not genuinely impacted by COVID and 2020 chaos.  Low value has always been a part of life.  My takeaway is to stop making COVID the bad guy and accept that things are hard to step back and try to find where you can adapt to change and make the change.  For me, was start saying no or trimming back the time available to the jobs I work.  Stop giving COVID the power it does not deserve. Look around, make changes search the web or friend groups, and problem solve.  As a lower-income society, we have survived before showing the world we can survive and thrive in these financially challenging times.  Yes, government help would be beneficial, but it may come too late. Keep fighting. You can do this.

Thank you for reading for those that have communicated changes to my page or articles.  I will try to get to them, but honestly, I think some of them may have been a trigger to my lengthy anxiety attack, and in November, I worked on an additional component to my blog.  It just will take time for me to make changes.  I work 60 hours a week, fatigue from health needs, nevermind the blog, and family care.  

Life is a challenging journey meant to succeed in the individual eyes, not a comparison to another.  

Sample of having a problem and finding a solution.

CBS Evening News – “Season of Giving”: Former restaurateur helps serve his Los Angeles community

Something to think about mental health and striving on how to implement changes into one’s personal life journey from a larger picture presentation of information.  

CNBC Make It. – Why Finland and Denmark Are Happier Than The U.S. 1/9/2020

Not alone with our struggles of mask wearing…

FeaturedNot alone with our struggles of mask wearing…

I think we have all heard multiple rumors or opinions about wearing masks. I am not bothering to repeat them here. What did spark a Random Observation is the US is not the only country struggling under the perceived lack of freedom in wearing a mask. Here is a piece from Canada that could easily be the United States.  When searched too many to count.

CBC News – Walmart worker assaulted over mask request, says RCMP

The aspect that disheartened me is a human being who chooses not to agree or medically cannot follow the current 2020 mask mandate. The individual took their anger out on an hourly employee who follows procedure based on government and company policy. Also the amount of people that just stood around. Personally, this reinforces the lack of value people have toward hourly employees. Yes, coming from me is a broken record, just continuing my plea to treat hourly employees with a small amount of respect. All employees are asked to enforce rules whether we agree or disagree; it is a choice to have a job or fired after multiple verbal and written write-ups for not enforcing the policy. Here is a thought if you are unhappy with a government policy, write or call the government. Please do not take it out on someone who is doing their job.

Perspective on the lack of freedom people keeps railing about. The individual already felt trapped in their life existence, and this new culture and lifestyle that we find ourselves in was just the straw that broke the camels back. An individual can either feel trapped in work, culture, marriage, relationship, race, lifestyle, rules, and regulations. The list is never-ending because as individuals our perception of life is different. No, the man should not have beaten an employee, but an idea of why the man snapped and maybe people to offer help to those around them that look like they may burst. We can change our circumstances. It may be challenging, but with friends or family, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you are ready to make that or those changes to move forward out of the emotional or physical pit you find yourself in.

One may feel trapped by the lifestyle one lives in with the struggle. You can change the location or thought process to find joy in the smallest of things.

Included is a song I find great joy in playing often. The video shows celebrities, but the words hold so much meaning when I want to call off work and family obligations and not get out of bed. Another is when I am in the parking lot pushing carts because it is my job, and someone almost hits me with their car or gives me a look of anger because I have slowed them down. New is the walking into work, and a customer is yelling at another customer; they came in without a mask. There are still people that medically cannot wear a mask. We do not know people’s mental health or physical needs toward wearing a mask.  

Mandisa – Overcomer (from 9/12/2013)

No offense on a silly point if you chose not to wear a mask just out of protest there may be a mental health concern.  Wearing a mask is a simple yes it is difficult to breathe but drink off and on let me clarify water, coffee, tea, etc not liquor, head to the restroom, if you are in a store aisle take it down for a moment then wipe the area down in front of you, and many more ideas.  Problem solving we are amazing and creative individuals who find a solution to the problem instead of waiting.  We got this problem heck I have thoroughly enjoyed social distancing, not worrying about makeup from my nose down, and being able to yawn without covering my mouth.  Look for the positives in the new lifestyle of 2020 and beyond; because I doubt this is going to change it is a virus they are ever evolving.

I have been tempted to re-market the two shirts I made when this first started.  Link to the shirt at the store is under the picture if someone did want to buy one through Teespring.
https://random-observations.myteespring.co/listing/different-opinion?product=369 In this world of different perspectives. It is good to warn others that your personal ideas may not match.

Different Opinion

Stay Cordial

Ohio Police Request:  Going to include this for awareness since the police in Amherst, OH, have been looking for a month. Posted 11/27/2020, including date, so this does not get forwarded five years from now.

News 5 Cleveland, OH – Panera Employee sprayed in the face.

Just a funny wrap-up for a negative subject on living life in this chaotic world we live in.

Focus on the Family – Bringing Laughter to Everyday Life – Tim Hawkins 11/16/2020

Works Cited

Nordquist, Richard. (2020, August 26). Broken-Record Response in Communication. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/broken-record-response-conversation-1689041

Retail Holiday Rant

FeaturedRetail Holiday Rant

Working retail during the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas always makes me question why I enjoy my job. One to two weeks before Thanksgiving, a portion of our customers increase in being mean and unforgiving of the slightest infraction. With masks, it is even worse because they feel more comfortable talking under their breath. Why do shoppers think that employees have no feelings?

My thoughts come in several components of why and how to counteract it mentally—unique ideas or perspective of why people are disrespectful and forgetful of goodwill toward all. One is people do not want to spend the money on the holidays. Two The family is making demands unachievable, or the individual is exhausted trying to provide. Three adverse holiday history but everyone around them is cheerful and happy and questions why they are not. Four keeping up with the neighbors or relatives and cannot compete or even have a desire to compete, but think they must keep the trend going. Five corporate entities have put holiday decorations and reminders out since September. Six all the personalities have to be appeased, but no one cares what and how they impacted. These are my perception of why, and there are probably many more.

Honestly, when a shopper is nasty to me, I strive to remember the above list. I do not know where they are emotional or physical. My feelings do get hurt; treated like I have no worth. I strive to remember some of that is my depression. The other is that being an hourly worker is considered menial and low value. Even though we did not work, people would have no way to buy food, products, etc. Another aspect I strive to consider I do not know where someone is the cell phone conversations people have prove that.

Given cell phone conversations, I hear when people are walking through the aisle, in line, put their items on the belt, and paying are numerous. Here are some, so YES, be aware your conversation is not private. Those around you do hear. Unsure about anyone else, but I would prefer not to listen to your private conversations. Why are you on the phone when it is about leaving your spouse, a child ran away and trying to find, money is tight, mother in law verbally attacked you and unsure how to handle it? Other conversations heard is you just needed space and left your spouse and staying with your affair, that the underwear not folded and needs put away, and many more. Nevermind the hourly employees that are supervisors that are still taking work calls off shift. Sometimes for questions that could have easily waited for the next day. The best one for me is when, as a worker, I am considered rude because I am not acknowledging you are in my line except to say hi and give the total of your purchases. You are in a private conversation; if I was at a party or networking event, it is inappropriate to approach; being on the phone is the same. An alternative is text questions and answers more private. You have also verified you tried to reach your family to find out if you needed to pick up milk or another blanket, or a present for a friend or family.

Opps did not realize I had so much pent up frustration over the phone conversations I hear and shoppers’ attitudes. No, we are not perfect workers. Yes, we have the workers that sit or stand around and talk instead of work. There are the workers that are slow as turtles. A worker is ignoring you; I have an explanation for, at least personally, I have poor hearing, and with masks, it is even harder now. For me, I periodically misunderstand someone or plain do not hear unless I catch a person’s lips moving before mask-wearing. Now, I have no reference point. But I do not need the attitude that you have to repeat yourself. Most workers are trying to get things right.

Another aspect is the screaming children that are not in an infant carrier. Please, if you are shopping with another adult, have that adult take the child outside or if the child is at an age to compromise and let them pick a toy or candy if they behave through the whole store. Please do not give them something if they have been screaming through the entire store. It is draining, whining, crying, and repetition wants candy or toy every minute at the register. One, it is distracting when trying to converse with other customers. Nevermind the headache; many of us have halfway through a shift.

Now with the mask-wearing mandates. Some of us are not allowed to speak to a customer due to company policy. Remember, some of us still have to wait on these people who chose not to wear a mask. Customers get huffy if we take time to wipe down the areas and slowed down. Other customers are huffy that we have not had a chance to wipe down because we have a line of six people to wait on. Nevermind, we sometimes run low on supplies. Surveys are continually saying they had to wait, so what do you want us to do. Wait on you with speed, and no cleaning or slowness, and surfaces sanitized. Due to the pandemic’s change in cleaning policies, we will be slower to adhere to CDC health guidelines.

Above are constants throughout the year; there tends to increase screaming and customer attitude during the holidays. Some are due to children’s schedules being thrown off by get-togethers and parents concentrating on prepping for a holiday and not spending as much time with them. Another alternative is trying to pay for the holidays and just asking people to be aware that we are human too and respect that we are providing care to you. Yes, we may not be police, fireman, doctors, and nurses, but housekeeping, call centers, clerks, waitress, and any other public encounter have a place in this world.

Sorry for the rant. Being in the Customer Service industry in many varieties, I just reached a breaking point since I had all of the above in an eight-hour shift that seemed constant. 

Side Note: from the supermarket industry or any that provide carts. Can everyone go back to putting the cart into each other instead of just rolling into and leaving them loose in the corral? Lifting them when they have fallen to the side is frustrating and hurts. Since today is a mentally gloomy day, why do some people feel safe to put a child and elementary, sometimes the middle-school-age child, in the cart’s large area? If they do not fit in the front room, they are supposed to walk with you? 

Have to say sorry, but this is heartfelt, so it is draining treated like we are expendable, which I guess job-wise is everyone right now, just from the eyes of a Service Associate that is already tired and has a month and one week left of the holidays. Which will then move into four to five months of decreased hours and still cranky customers; we will not have enough staff to provide speedy service due to budget cuts till sales increase. Another factor of the grumpy customers is that the bills from the holidays come in, and have to balance buying groceries or paying the credit card.  Another reminder of Loving All even when we do not see eye to eye; like the customers who give puns every time they talk, you hate puns but have to smile like they are lovely.  

Thank you to those who thank us and acknowledge that we are trying as best we can.  

John Paul White ft. Rosanne Cash – We’re All In This Together Now (Official Video)

Found uploaded on April 24, 2020, but it is a reminder that we are still at a difficult point. We do not have an end date yet for the outbreak. As a world, we need to keep caring for all of us. People are stressed, depressed, starving and out of work, and that number will continue to increase. Those working do not know if they will get sick or have a job the next week. Everyone is under stress, not just you; let’s try to remember that when we are out and about this holiday season.  Maybe it is time to stop trying to Keep up with the Jones, instead strive to love our families be they blood or not as they are not how we want them to fit our wish.

Thank you for reading. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Happy Hanakana, and all unknown holidays.

From https://www.askideas.com

Just a perspective of the public and investigative media on supermarkets: My only concern for these spots mentioned is again time and staff hours are given to the store is limited. These limits do not always provide time to take care of all of these aspects mentioned. The tap pay mentioned, not all companies have that possibility. I liked how they said it is the customer’s responsibility for self-care, not just the company.

CBC News – The dirty truth about supermarkets (Marketplace)

Here is some information and acknowledgement that nurses are struggling.

NBC News – Pennsylvania Nurses Go On Strike as Covid Cases Surge – 11/18/2020

Thank you to all the industries that deal with the same or similair issues but I do not feel right speaking for a bus driver, landscaper, or anyother service industry that I do not have a direct reference to. Keep up the great work the world could not run without us. Would love to return to a time that all forms of employement where considered valuable instead of just the college degreed.

Thank you for those who read. Again a reminder my anxiety and depression I am not a position at this time to read and respond to comments.

Imitating an Ostrich

FeaturedImitating an Ostrich

Imagine an ostrich how we think that they hide from predators with their heads in the ground.  

 

Coming to find out that they usually crouch to camouflage with nature. 

National Geographic Information on Ostrich

With that in mind, for the benefit of my mental health and all of the current anxiety-inducing subjects.  Subjects that are anxiety and depression triggers are the loud conflicts of mask-wearing, pandemic facts versus opinions perceived as fact, election fact vs. fiction, politicians, race, right to protest versus rioting, etc.  I will continue to imitate an ostrich’s nature to camouflage myself from being part of the conflicts to protect my mental health.

I have touched base on this through past blogs, but as the weeks and months keep pushing on the fractured world we live.  The most recent is the latest Political and Black Lives Matter ads.  As a white person who strives not to see race, religion, color, or lifestyle choice, instead, treat the individual’s actions.  Since the end of May, I have struggled with the media telling me I am a horrible person because I am white; therefore, I’m privileged. 

Explained: White Privilege, Systemic Racism and Implicit Bias | NBC10 Philadelphia  · 7/6/2020

I struggle because judgments are made on many society segments, many based on economics; unfortunately, color is just more visual of a presentation. Still, clothes and street addresses also impact people’s impressions of who you are that may not be factual.

When I see ethnic and black people succeeding in life around me, additionally, the opposite end of the spectrum is those of all social, political, and racial range rioting, not just blacks.  We are a country of many options again; we need to find workable solutions for all, not just the loudest or violent voice.

Yes, I am blessed if I did not have anxiety. I do not have to worry about being stopped by the police just because of my skin color.  Of course, I still worry about being stopped with fear due to thoughts like did I stop slow enough, stay long enough at the stop sign, and any other illogical thoughts like that.  A person of color has many more views, at least from what I understand of different articles and YouTube videos.  Another example is people calling the police because they are just there or in Trayvon Martin’s situation just because he was walking home.    What keeps running through my mind is that the financial aspect keeps a large portion of our society down.  Yes, color is a part of it, but educating the diversity of learning styles. It is what we should concentrate on; as a society, determine how to inform the different learning styles equally.  For me, equal education is to bring back apprenticeships, skills testing in junior high and again yearly in high school, and counseling for all, not just those perceived as having problems.  Another aspect is to support those equally that are not college-bound and assist with finding training programs for their skill interests.  Also, arrange for junior and senior high school students to shadow their perceived career choice, so they genuinely see in a one week to one month time the nitty-gritty of working the field they say they want.  

Allowing all to make a personal choice to succeed at what they are comfortable working.  We all have different career/work goals.  A career to find internal success.  After many years of pain, I have accepted that even though it is not acceptable to the world, I am happiest as a retail person.  I have emotionally fought against striving for the world image of achieving an office job.  Truly happiest helping others and being on my feet and moving around in a supermarket, mall, or restaurant setting.  Twenty plus years of putting myself down that I was not a success by not scribing a ‘career.’ When I had one, it just did not look like one accepted by a large percentage of society. 

Earlier I did mention finances.  I do not feel that increasing the minimum wage is the way to go but looking at corporate waste and determining why our prices of goods are so high.  Another aspect is teaching realistic budgeting in the classroom and teaching want versus need and how to achieve that within a budget, not instant purchasing.  Where does this leave me with planning to imitate an ostrich?

With that mentioned, I want to be aware of the world’s topics around me for my mental health and work on watching some real news.  Local, national, and international in small doses and ones that strive to be neutral in presentation (Yes, you may laugh at me.).  Currently, finding a smattering of channels will allow me to hear or read the basics of what is going on.  It is difficult to find media outlets that concentrate on equal reporting, not bipartisan reporting, that is a large portion of reporting.  Another is just trying to find peace with much of what is causing chaos and immature reactions.  Just again, trying to find a balance of what is informative but not too harmful and emotionally destructive to my anxiety and depression.

May this find everyone well.  I just wanted to show that you may not be alone being overwhelmed with our current world topics.  Stay safe in this time of change. I strive to live with the understanding that life is not returning as we are familiar.   Accepting and determining how to live in this new era will see us succeed in accepting our unique experience.

I came across this TED Talks by Chris Coward Interesting piece about misinformation and our responsibility to listen or forward information.  Found this helpful.

TEDx Talks – Unmasking Misinformation | Chris Coward | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries

Channels I have been watching and some of their most recent uploads

CBS This Morning – Media mogul Tyler Perry on “Camp Quarantine” production and helping others – I enjoy watching these for showing that okay we have a problem, let us find a workaround.

BBC News – All children back in school by September in England pledges government – Watch BBC, I understand due to language also it is interesting to see how another country sees how they are handling the situation taking place. They are also just as confused as the US, but they presented differently and decreased negativity and finger-pointing.

News 5 Cleveland – Summit County Public Health strongly recommends K-12 schools reopen with remote learning – Usually, News 5 Cleveland due most times shows the information with a limit on the negative finger-pointing and often presents the facts with specialists giving the information.

The Ohio Channel – Ohio Governor Mike DeWine – COVID-19 Update / August 13, 2020  – when possible, I try to watch this to get the basics of information from the Governor to know what is sent out to our local policyholders and decision-makers.

Side note, as you can tell by some of the dates, I have been struggling with whether to put this one up. Essential that it is okay to find a comfort zone living in this changing new world. I feel we will not be fully returning to what was.  

2 Week Review 8 & 9/2020

Featured2 Week Review 8 & 9/2020

Just something to think about as you go forward on this day forward from CBS Sunday Morning.

CBS Sunday Morning – Smile Behind the mask

Prep note combined two weeks; my struggles with my mental health has not changed much.

Week Review 8/25-28/2020

Physically had a decent week. Emotionally has brought up plethoras of struggles. Am I doing the right thing by working sixty hours? Why do I feel more value working outside of the home than providing care for my family? What is my place in life? Why do I push myself? These are the thoughts on my mind.

The first question is, am I doing the right thing working sixty hours? Took on what was to be fifteen to twenty hours a week, as mentioned before, has turned into thirty to thirty-five—these extended hours due to lack of employees. Where my mind keeps going is I enjoy what I am doing—interacting with all the individual personalities, even the cranky, nasty ones. Trying to be a smiling face in a sea of tiredness of all the struggles between the top News Topics. Retail also has fewer anxiety triggers by pleasing people in short bursts. That is the thirty plus hours of retail; what about the thirty-one on one.

Home care work is not as anxiety trigger low as retail but does bring joy, providing care for someone who can only minimal ministration for themselves. Doing personal care, home care, and errands for an individual brings some peace that I am helping someone. I am struggling with that if someone I trusted were able to step forward to care for this individual, I would step away from home care. It makes me feel like a horrible person; the family is fantastic and beautiful and wonderful to care for. Selfishly although this aspect of care is something I am not genuinely comfortable. My anxiety does work in me—any ache, pain, infection, or problem I take on as my fault. The individual continually tells me that I am not at fault; her serious health needs cause illnesses. I struggle not to take that on. Does this make me a horrible person that providing care to someone in need is not as meaningful to me as ringing groceries to a constant rotation of individuals?

This week has been weighing on my mind. Physically I will continue, and emotionally I will continue. Over my days of contemplation and reinforced by Sunday’s sermon, I am where I asked to be. Retail feeds me emotionally and allows me also to find spots in my anxiety to work. Caring for the individual gives peace to a family having a person willing to come every assigned time and not call off. An excellent simple thing but home health care has extensive call-offs leaving some individuals left in their beds or wheelchairs because they cannot get themselves up physically. How I met the person I currently care for: her evening aide called off a half-hour before she was due to go to bed, and I was available. Accepting that for both jobs is the right thing right now in regards to finances and emotionally. Where does this leave with my family requirements?

Family care is a whole other crisis; why do I not feel any emotional support or physical support from my husband and eighteen-year-old daughter? Positive aspects my husband cooks for himself. Does my daughter still ask what I am making for dinner? Yes, even though I only have two hours between my two jobs and I still have laundry, dishes, budget care, and grocery shopping. I am keeping my internal anger at this lack of physical support. No one is stepping up to clean or other care items. I do not even know why I am looking for this; I have never had it before. Physical and emotional support is not something either my husband and daughter can; they only see there needs. I celebrate the moments when my daughter asks me what she can do as I bring in groceries, and she puts them away. She empties the dishwasher within an hour of me asking. So I guess I Place myself as accepting the limitations of my family and emotionally pursue rewards outside of the house. 

An additional component of working so much is my daughter is in her last year of high school and is not motivated to graduate; she is probably not going to unless she truly realizes her mistake. I tend to hover, which makes her work less. Not being home keeps me from harassing her about her assignments, her words, not mine. For me, this will be the most challenging year to accept that she may fail by her own choices, and there is nothing I can do outside of doing the work for her, which is wrong. So hard mental health-wise, to know that she is so amazingly talented but has no drive to work outside her comfort zone and strive to suck it up and finish school and move onto what she enjoys and make a life that supports her. Where do I go from here?

On my weekly review of success or failure, I have accepted that I will place this week as a success. The anxiety is there but with difficulty, but successful habits could keep it to the background instead of the overwhelming front incenter feeling of failure.

Enjoy the journey of life as you see fit to live it, not someone else’s perception.

Thank you

Faith thoughts about keeping working on one’s goals; I have found them meaningful. What I enjoy is that Pastor uses scripture as an example that our life struggles have been around since time began. As people, we are not alone in having support and standards of living life well.  

Hope Church – August 30 Service – 9 am

Week Review 8/31 to 9/5

A repeat of last week’s mental health struggle is the same. Balancing between living life as if there are no adverse mental health thoughts when interacting with those around me. Internally the battle of what we are is unsound thoughts, and shifting them to a positive is such a struggle. I talked with a friend when I communicated my work thoughts from last week. She did not get what I was striving to share, which briefly made me feel like failing. Then I realized I was trying to fit her perception, not what and how I live and succeed with my anxiety. As with last week, I consider this week a success. I have not called off either work, and my family home is still standing, and the basics are handled.

Faith input but some truths even if one does not follow a religion. Found this week’s Sunday message, just a great reminder that even the church, even in the beginning, had arguments or differences of opinions. So seeing the conflict of belief in people’s statements and interpretation of facts are argued then and now. As individuals, we must strive to work as individuals toward decisions that benefit those around us for safety and well being. 

Hope Church September 6 – 9 am

Weekly Review 8/17-22/2020

FeaturedWeekly Review 8/17-22/2020

Here we are again, success or failure in my life. Anxiety is still running away my internal thoughts, which has kept my depression slightly escalated. Keep questioning am I doing the right thing. I had goals for this week. Did I succeed?
Well, for anyone interested, I confirmed for myself that my prescriptions and vitamin-mineral mix work. My depression and anxiety were there in full technicolor. What I do see is that they were manageable. For me, painless is that it takes minimal time to talk my way to accept not to worry over the topic on hand. Another mental health symptom of lethargy if that decreases my mix is working. For example, for anxiety, at my new job, the store manager paged two leads and manger into the office just after I walked away from my register. My fear had me placed as being fired. I successfully talked myself down from that thought in a half-hour instead of hours and sometimes days. For me, that was a combination of returning to my vitamins with my prescriptions and returning to reading God’s Word in the morning. It is not as detailed as I was planning for, but at least it was a start that I can still add to it. May do a follow up detailing the vitamins that seem to work.
My vitamins’ journey is personal trial and error, with my doctors giving me a metabolic panel. The bloodwork panel allows me to see where I am limited. Vitamins I have not gotten enough from food are Vitamin B, Vit D, and calcium. We are all different. What will work for one will be different than others. For me, this vitamin-mineral cocktail was created over five to six years, five years of reading Mayo Clinic articles, holistic articles from doctors and scientists, doctor metabolic panels, and balancing emotional symptoms. In determining any life change, one should always speak with their doctor and be aware of what works for you. None of what I suggest is something I am paid to support, just something I have found works for me. Another aspect of being aware is that when I start something is one at a time for a week and monitor symptoms. Success on meds and vitamins. Where to next – work?
Working both jobs is going okay. Financially working sixty hours is helping toward my overall debt. My anxiety is niggling over because I have the energy to do two jobs, but I accomplished so little in downsizing my home and family care when I had just one job. Am I making to big a deal over this, or do I need to look at it? I genuinely need to look at this.
My value and energy seem to come from being in public and providing service to people and occasionally receiving a thank you and good job from customers, co-workers, and management. Is that it because I do not receive if from family. Something to consider as the months go in as I work sixty hours a week. What else was in my list downsizing still moving forward was able to make another Goodwill donation. My anxiety was pushing that it was not enough. When looking through, given the schedule, I have accepted that it is okay is more of a success than making the delivery. Hmm, next was studying the Bible have to say that was, as mentioned prior, not as extensive as I would like. As with Goodwill and downsizing, the fact that I made changes to fit it in is fantastic and wonderful, So all and all it through a lot of personal work through that looks like a tennis match my week was a success.
Everyone keeps walking toward your goals, no matter how small. Our success is just that it is what has us succeeding where we need to be. Emotionally and physically, our lives will look different than someone else.