Personal random observation from a valley of depressive thought.  Depression and Anxiety have flared up this last week.  Unsure if the flare-up is due to being that I live in the Northern part of the United States, feeling of no value, or the constant empathy and wanting to help others.  The struggle has become in listening to the media.  Media presents all of these families facing poverty and the consequences of losing a home, education, and food.  Being in a grocery store cashing out individuals who have to decide what to buy when there is not enough money do they buy peanut butter or deli meat, etc.  Our politicians on the Federal level do not seem to care and keep squabbling like selfish children.  Our State and Town officials, at least in Ohio, make decisions that seem to help but follow through seem to be more lip service than actual change.  We have a stay at home 10 pm to 5 am; most people are home at the point those that are not are anti-social anyway and enjoy shopping and being in areas where there are no people regardless.  Then there is my employment struggle.

Being part of the Home Health Aide industry and working in people’s homes to care for the paralyzed or infirmed.  Retail Industry and caring for another base’s needs and finding my place in covering for call-offs.  Finding the balance between home life and making sure that an individual or client can have their primary care needs taken care of but not at the cost of my health mentally and physically and my family needs.  A friend of mine graciously pointed out my internal need to fix all problems.

Got me to thinking about why I try to fix things when the corporate owners, policymakers, and lobbyist should do so or at least what we are lead to believe but see little here in the US.  I also feel that we should still be accountable for the problems we see and help where we can.  What has been making me ponder my value in a cynical look due to my mental health?  Also, taking a view of the media presentation of information?  The roll-out of vaccination to the city hospitals.  I see little that goes to the smaller cities and towns.  Also, there is no information or planning about the general populace mid to late next year or the fall out when people realize that 2021 will be a copy and paste of 2020.

On the other hand, I do not want to take the vaccine NOT for any anti-vaccine reason, but personal health concerns.  I usually run on odd reactions or allergies for prescriptions.   The concern is the allergic reactions documented out of Britan. Unique value where you go when you see you have none and those around you gives you the impression you have none.

My takeaways are that I have value to my family even though the words are not said.  Value to the client I take care of in helping care for the basic needs that a spinal injury caused to decrease physical self-sufficiency but did not harm the mind.  Finally, there is value in caring for the feeding, clothing, and primary care need supplies to those coming into the store.  The weight must be found by myself and not seek to see it through the words or actions of the people I care for or the media.  Simple to say but harder to follow through.

For me, COVID has not impacted my interaction with others just due to the employment I have.  As individuals searching out and determining personal value may be challenging, but now is the time when you may have more time on hand.  There are employment opportunities. They may not be glamorous, but the retail, home health aide, kitchen help at hospitals, and more.  Working lower pay jobs is physically taxing but can help the budget extend and strive to meet some basic needs.  

Thank you for reading this random observation of my value struggles not genuinely impacted by COVID and 2020 chaos.  Low value has always been a part of life.  My takeaway is to stop making COVID the bad guy and accept that things are hard to step back and try to find where you can adapt to change and make the change.  For me, was start saying no or trimming back the time available to the jobs I work.  Stop giving COVID the power it does not deserve. Look around, make changes search the web or friend groups, and problem solve.  As a lower-income society, we have survived before showing the world we can survive and thrive in these financially challenging times.  Yes, government help would be beneficial, but it may come too late. Keep fighting. You can do this.

Thank you for reading for those that have communicated changes to my page or articles.  I will try to get to them, but honestly, I think some of them may have been a trigger to my lengthy anxiety attack, and in November, I worked on an additional component to my blog.  It just will take time for me to make changes.  I work 60 hours a week, fatigue from health needs, nevermind the blog, and family care.  

Life is a challenging journey meant to succeed in the individual eyes, not a comparison to another.  

Sample of having a problem and finding a solution.

CBS Evening News – “Season of Giving”: Former restaurateur helps serve his Los Angeles community

Something to think about mental health and striving on how to implement changes into one’s personal life journey from a larger picture presentation of information.  

CNBC Make It. – Why Finland and Denmark Are Happier Than The U.S. 1/9/2020

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