It has been a rough month; depression and anxiety were not easy to manage. Even this far into October, I have not determined the trigger or if it is just a hormonal shift. Without further blabbing, here is a condensed September working on putting together October. Success or Fail is two extremes to some. For me, this is how I emotionally review my personality, emotions, and mental health. Anxiety is still high; where do I go forward without going backward?
Anxiety extreme had me thinking my husband was leaving me because he worked at the office for twelve hours. After some hearty journaling and reading past posts, I was able to move out of this illogical thought. Looking at the basics, my husband had not packed any clothes, I handle the budget/homecare, and he had already stated it would be a long day. I was incredibly proud that it only took me five hours to move me out of that thought process with no logical foundation. Additionally, I was comfortable speaking about my fear. Remarkable progress acknowledges that I have anxiety and takes me on journeys that no one else can see. This spike also reinforced that the second week of the month is an aspect of my life that I must prepare for emotional and nutritionally. In looking at my blogging and journaling, this is always an extreme anxiety work. What can I try for next month?
Was I coming up with ideas for next month? I am thinking of pursuing food and essential oil alternatives to avoid adding a prescription to my routine because most medications do not kick in for a week. My severity only is for a week. I want to find an additional component to not expend so much energy physically and emotionally on illogical anxiety thoughts. I often get my essential oils from DoTERRA due to the amount of research they put into their products. https://www.doterra.com/US/en/wellness-topics-calming-anxious-feelings. When possible, it is best to find a professional to check. For me, I have not been able to find a holistic physician near me. My primary has not said I could not pursue oils; he has commented that there is not enough research available. I will try using lavender in my diffuser during the day and on a necklace, the Balance mix that doTERRA offers, and see if that helps decrease the time I spend cycling through my anxious thoughts. Life, in general, has gone well.
I have found a balance in my sixty hours of work and not harassing my daughter about her current poor life choices. I have faith that she will succeed in her life. She is just making choices that will delay that. But at eighteen, she is responsible for her future. A problematic week not to push when all I see is the worst-case scenario of her living in the street all her life. She has no motivation and feels that everything is fine. She gets nasty when I ask after her assignments to know how to document her school hours. Hmm, I cannot live her life guide when she has questions; back to my week.
I will put this week as a success; my work hours have maintained—housework taken care of and without anger that I do not receive any help. Anxiety was there but could work my way through my attacks may have taken some time but managed and only caused some exhaustion. Life’s journey filled with potholes but manageable get out of after some time, filling in either with sand or rocks that shift.
I did not get to post last week due to a lack of motivation, and I have little to add these weeks. They merged and considered moving this to a monthly review allowing me to concentrate on blogging on observations.
Last two weeks of September
Exhaustion and anxiety have been my shadow during this time. Unsure where to go because this seems to be a constant after the previous anxiety weeks. I got so little accomplished, and my depression is harder to manage. Medically this makes sense because anxiety and depression, unfortunately, go hand and hand. I am not getting anything done but work and the absolute bare minimum of house and family care.
Honestly, all I can look at is planning to keep to my plan for last week and see if this changes next month. Hold out hope for change, moving forward with my life goals, house, and family change. Have a thought. I may start using the DoTERRA Balance this week to see if that helps.
With reluctance, I am going to put these past weeks as a success. I have not called off work, and I am not sleeping all day.
Even though from the outside and inside my mind, I feel like a failure. With difficulty, September is a success. One may ask why? As mentioned prior, I did not call off, and my family has clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat from. Reason I had difficulty is I see what I’d not do most of all is not posting to blog out of fear. The anxiety of my fear bothers me that it is so controlling. So these last three weeks are a success.
Ran across this from the Cleveland Orchestra shows what planning and determination can accomplish as the world changes around you. The norm is no longer possible. Meaning of Life and Goals needs evaluation and altered. We need to strive to not live in the past of prior pandemic. Move onto life during and after a pandemic.
Below are the last three church messages from Pastor Shawn. For me, I find great peace of mind and heart that it is okay to struggle, question, and keep striving to improve one’s life. Most of all, the struggle is part of living in this world since time began. Life is not perfect; all we can strive for is living well.