2 Week Review 8 & 9/2020

2 Week Review 8 & 9/2020

Just something to think about as you go forward on this day forward from CBS Sunday Morning.

CBS Sunday Morning – Smile Behind the mask

Prep note combined two weeks; my struggles with my mental health has not changed much.

Week Review 8/25-28/2020

Physically had a decent week. Emotionally has brought up plethoras of struggles. Am I doing the right thing by working sixty hours? Why do I feel more value working outside of the home than providing care for my family? What is my place in life? Why do I push myself? These are the thoughts on my mind.

The first question is, am I doing the right thing working sixty hours? Took on what was to be fifteen to twenty hours a week, as mentioned before, has turned into thirty to thirty-five—these extended hours due to lack of employees. Where my mind keeps going is I enjoy what I am doing—interacting with all the individual personalities, even the cranky, nasty ones. Trying to be a smiling face in a sea of tiredness of all the struggles between the top News Topics. Retail also has fewer anxiety triggers by pleasing people in short bursts. That is the thirty plus hours of retail; what about the thirty-one on one.

Home care work is not as anxiety trigger low as retail but does bring joy, providing care for someone who can only minimal ministration for themselves. Doing personal care, home care, and errands for an individual brings some peace that I am helping someone. I am struggling with that if someone I trusted were able to step forward to care for this individual, I would step away from home care. It makes me feel like a horrible person; the family is fantastic and beautiful and wonderful to care for. Selfishly although this aspect of care is something I am not genuinely comfortable. My anxiety does work in me—any ache, pain, infection, or problem I take on as my fault. The individual continually tells me that I am not at fault; her serious health needs cause illnesses. I struggle not to take that on. Does this make me a horrible person that providing care to someone in need is not as meaningful to me as ringing groceries to a constant rotation of individuals?

This week has been weighing on my mind. Physically I will continue, and emotionally I will continue. Over my days of contemplation and reinforced by Sunday’s sermon, I am where I asked to be. Retail feeds me emotionally and allows me also to find spots in my anxiety to work. Caring for the individual gives peace to a family having a person willing to come every assigned time and not call off. An excellent simple thing but home health care has extensive call-offs leaving some individuals left in their beds or wheelchairs because they cannot get themselves up physically. How I met the person I currently care for: her evening aide called off a half-hour before she was due to go to bed, and I was available. Accepting that for both jobs is the right thing right now in regards to finances and emotionally. Where does this leave with my family requirements?

Family care is a whole other crisis; why do I not feel any emotional support or physical support from my husband and eighteen-year-old daughter? Positive aspects my husband cooks for himself. Does my daughter still ask what I am making for dinner? Yes, even though I only have two hours between my two jobs and I still have laundry, dishes, budget care, and grocery shopping. I am keeping my internal anger at this lack of physical support. No one is stepping up to clean or other care items. I do not even know why I am looking for this; I have never had it before. Physical and emotional support is not something either my husband and daughter can; they only see there needs. I celebrate the moments when my daughter asks me what she can do as I bring in groceries, and she puts them away. She empties the dishwasher within an hour of me asking. So I guess I Place myself as accepting the limitations of my family and emotionally pursue rewards outside of the house. 

An additional component of working so much is my daughter is in her last year of high school and is not motivated to graduate; she is probably not going to unless she truly realizes her mistake. I tend to hover, which makes her work less. Not being home keeps me from harassing her about her assignments, her words, not mine. For me, this will be the most challenging year to accept that she may fail by her own choices, and there is nothing I can do outside of doing the work for her, which is wrong. So hard mental health-wise, to know that she is so amazingly talented but has no drive to work outside her comfort zone and strive to suck it up and finish school and move onto what she enjoys and make a life that supports her. Where do I go from here?

On my weekly review of success or failure, I have accepted that I will place this week as a success. The anxiety is there but with difficulty, but successful habits could keep it to the background instead of the overwhelming front incenter feeling of failure.

Enjoy the journey of life as you see fit to live it, not someone else’s perception.

Thank you

Faith thoughts about keeping working on one’s goals; I have found them meaningful. What I enjoy is that Pastor uses scripture as an example that our life struggles have been around since time began. As people, we are not alone in having support and standards of living life well.  

Hope Church – August 30 Service – 9 am

Week Review 8/31 to 9/5

A repeat of last week’s mental health struggle is the same. Balancing between living life as if there are no adverse mental health thoughts when interacting with those around me. Internally the battle of what we are is unsound thoughts, and shifting them to a positive is such a struggle. I talked with a friend when I communicated my work thoughts from last week. She did not get what I was striving to share, which briefly made me feel like failing. Then I realized I was trying to fit her perception, not what and how I live and succeed with my anxiety. As with last week, I consider this week a success. I have not called off either work, and my family home is still standing, and the basics are handled.

Faith input but some truths even if one does not follow a religion. Found this week’s Sunday message, just a great reminder that even the church, even in the beginning, had arguments or differences of opinions. So seeing the conflict of belief in people’s statements and interpretation of facts are argued then and now. As individuals, we must strive to work as individuals toward decisions that benefit those around us for safety and well being. 

Hope Church September 6 – 9 am

Weekly Review 8/17-22/2020

Weekly Review 8/17-22/2020

Here we are again, success or failure in my life. Anxiety is still running away my internal thoughts, which has kept my depression slightly escalated. Keep questioning am I doing the right thing. I had goals for this week. Did I succeed?
Well, for anyone interested, I confirmed for myself that my prescriptions and vitamin-mineral mix work. My depression and anxiety were there in full technicolor. What I do see is that they were manageable. For me, painless is that it takes minimal time to talk my way to accept not to worry over the topic on hand. Another mental health symptom of lethargy if that decreases my mix is working. For example, for anxiety, at my new job, the store manager paged two leads and manger into the office just after I walked away from my register. My fear had me placed as being fired. I successfully talked myself down from that thought in a half-hour instead of hours and sometimes days. For me, that was a combination of returning to my vitamins with my prescriptions and returning to reading God’s Word in the morning. It is not as detailed as I was planning for, but at least it was a start that I can still add to it. May do a follow up detailing the vitamins that seem to work.
My vitamins’ journey is personal trial and error, with my doctors giving me a metabolic panel. The bloodwork panel allows me to see where I am limited. Vitamins I have not gotten enough from food are Vitamin B, Vit D, and calcium. We are all different. What will work for one will be different than others. For me, this vitamin-mineral cocktail was created over five to six years, five years of reading Mayo Clinic articles, holistic articles from doctors and scientists, doctor metabolic panels, and balancing emotional symptoms. In determining any life change, one should always speak with their doctor and be aware of what works for you. None of what I suggest is something I am paid to support, just something I have found works for me. Another aspect of being aware is that when I start something is one at a time for a week and monitor symptoms. Success on meds and vitamins. Where to next – work?
Working both jobs is going okay. Financially working sixty hours is helping toward my overall debt. My anxiety is niggling over because I have the energy to do two jobs, but I accomplished so little in downsizing my home and family care when I had just one job. Am I making to big a deal over this, or do I need to look at it? I genuinely need to look at this.
My value and energy seem to come from being in public and providing service to people and occasionally receiving a thank you and good job from customers, co-workers, and management. Is that it because I do not receive if from family. Something to consider as the months go in as I work sixty hours a week. What else was in my list downsizing still moving forward was able to make another Goodwill donation. My anxiety was pushing that it was not enough. When looking through, given the schedule, I have accepted that it is okay is more of a success than making the delivery. Hmm, next was studying the Bible have to say that was, as mentioned prior, not as extensive as I would like. As with Goodwill and downsizing, the fact that I made changes to fit it in is fantastic and wonderful, So all and all it through a lot of personal work through that looks like a tennis match my week was a success.
Everyone keeps walking toward your goals, no matter how small. Our success is just that it is what has us succeeding where we need to be. Emotionally and physically, our lives will look different than someone else.

Weekly Review 8/10-14/2020

Weekly Review 8/10-14/2020

Feel that I am surviving, not living. Depression and Anxiety came back with a vengeance this week. I had to fight to get up in the mornings this week. Going to bed was also an issue. By the middle of the week was questioning why I am here and what is the point. Why am I getting worse when I have days that feel ‘well’?

Backtracking over the last two to three weeks, I have emotionally and physically struggled to return to something that gives me meaning for employment. In doing so, I planned to take on 15-25 hours to schedule that already had 30 hours with being a Home Health Aide. I enjoy the retail over the Home Health Aide work, but it is challenging for clients to retain a Home Health Aide for their care. So I will stay with the amazing person I provide care. Unfortunately, last week my need to please people saw me work 6 days in the retail environment plus the 30 as a Home Health Aide. Retail hours totaled thirty-eight, so the previous week places my working hours at sixty-eight total. I was contributing to my continued internal argument of success over failure.

To the outside, looking in one will see and explain, of course, I am exhausted you worked sixty-eight hours in one week. Nevermind, I went from 6,500 steps to 14,000 to 15,000 steps daily with this new job and still only eating for the 6,500. My Anxiety does not see it like that; I should do more and be more substantial. How do I see my way out of this pit of emotional and physical struggle?

Goals are many; some I may be able to succeed in implementing others may not. A new job is to say no when called in or only stay for four to five hours instead of eight to nine. Food makes up and implements a menu for the days I only have an hour between jobs. Work on some of the list is a plan and made ahead. Return and concentrate on taking my assortment of vitamins. I noticed my prescriptions taken daily, but my vitamins missed due to timing and change in routine. Returning to my morning routine of reading The Bible and spending time on a devotional, I always found this a peaceful start of my day. Where does this leave me? Am I a success or failure this week?

My Depression and Anxiety are pushing to have me List this week as a failure. My goals from last week and the needs of the family were not cared for well. Failure is automatic feeling and response for so long it is challenging to see the week as a success. How do I put my mindset toward success when I want to hold onto the comfortable failure. It makes no sense, but it is a pit that is comfortable and familiar. How to move forward and not wallow as I want to do? Hmmm

Have to acknowledge that the schedule changed, and I have a plan moving forward. That it is okay not to accomplish everything when there has been a schedule change. So that is being said living it may be difficult. After some thought, going to list this as a success because I did not stop may not have been everything, but calling this week a success because I acknowledged that my goal was too difficult for the specific situation I find myself in.   

Keep striving for your goals.  Success is all in the eyes of who is living life to their personal physical and emotional best.  Sorry for the delay in posting just found this week a mentally distracting week.

Additional Faith Note:

For me, the following message from Pastor Shawn at Hope Church helped me put this week into perspective. I may not always feel that I am thriving, but succeeding is all I can strive for daily and may not look like everyone else’s life. What matters is what fits my life calling and purpose.  In reaching for my goals that are helping others even if that is caring for others that do not appreciate; and a family that does not understand cleaning up after themselves.  Life for me is to care for those around me in word and actions.  May not be grand as Nik Ripken, but even the small things are important. Care seen as working both jobs to hundred percent, volunteering at church, downsizing, blogging, and not being angry with my family gives the impression of not caring. This is my current season of life we will see as the weeks go as I will stay or succeed in moving farther ahead in being at peace with myself and goals.

Hope Church – August 16 Service – 11 AM

For a chuckle the 9 am is slightly different and shows the difference in understanding of different words and phrases to different generations and social media awareness. Nine am was the use of Netflix and chill which was being used just as words to describe watching videos and relaxing that’s how it was meant. Unknown at the time till someone between services brought it to his attention was the urban culture meaning of the phrase of something totally different, I have included the link to the definition after the 9 am link. Personally I enjoyed the 9 am more before I understood the urban meaning Pastor seemed more engaged.

Bible Hub – Acts 11 for Acts 11:19-30

Just a look that no one is perfect but a message with innocent purpose comes through.

Urban Dictionary Definition – https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Netflix%20and%20Chill. Just clarifies that I enjoy life when words are just straightforward with no hidden meanings.

Wikipedia detailed information for the slang, if you are interested. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netflix_and_chill

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you, Retail, Services, and Trade Employees. Since the beginning of this pandemic, it has bothered me the media, social media, and signs concentration and praise healthcare workers and as an afterthought, the police, fire, and EMS. Yes, they deserve praise, but it reinforces the employment/career perception of society. What I do see is the lack of thank you to all of the service industries. Thank you to the people who work at the stores, services like hair, dining, and the people who provide us with the products to sell and deliver services. May miss a couple of titles but truckers, factory workers, housekeepers, tattoo artists, bus drivers, crafters, makers, and all that provide for services that are an integral part of living in today’s culture.

With all the current talks of the needs of the people and everyone needs support. Some financial assistance may be helpful in realistic hourly pay to the job description, taxes, and actual medical. Most, if not all, individuals desire to feel value for the work they do. There are those in the world who find value and skill in serving or creating for others. Over the years, I have noticed that there is a lack of respect or support to those impacted through life situations, skills, and/or desire that choose employment in low paying and low respect service or high pay but low respect trade industries.   

What I am asking for others to consider is your perception of a person who chooses or needs to work a retail, service, or trade job. One type of trade is to drive trucks, do you respect the individual for that choice? Do you look and think oh that is all their good for, with that underthought of no respect for the individual? What about the plumber who you call when there is an emergency. What are your thoughts when you find out your child wants to be a plumber? Pride or concern that they are choosing a menial job.

What are your thoughts or attitudes of the clerk at the meat counter, waitress, factory worker, coffee counter, crafter, tattoo, hairdresser, or supermarket? Do you consider that they have a ‘real’ job, or that was all they could because they do not have the IQ or degree for something better? We see this in ads for colleges.    

American Career College Ads

Supporting and showing pride for those who chose to work in the service industry and allow for full-time hours would go a long way in economic equality. Many workers would not push for the fifteen dollar hours if they were able to find full-time hours with benefits.  

Humans want respect, but when you treated like a lesser person, you are a clerk in a supermarket, waitress, cook, and stock. Factory worker, housekeeper, kitchen prep, electrician, and many more. This lack of respect seen in we have high unemployment, but many people will not apply for retail jobs because the pay is low and considered beneath them for some. Bear in mind that it is a generalization, not a specific person, and on social media comments and a couple of comments I have heard from others. Well, let us consider the fact that supermarkets stayed open with only a small amount of thank you, followed by abuse for mask or supply purchase mandates.

Again thank you to those in all aspects of the service/trade industry. Our country indeed, could not run without us. The media may not acknowledge the daily strife and anxiety of our health and safety. Again thank you for working your twenty to fifty hours of work with no benefits, respect, and buying your masks and other supplies.

Thank you for the truck driver who has to deal with the driver who does not realize that you need a good eighth of a mile to brake but cuts right in front. Additionally, the time away from family and friends. Thank you to the housekeeper that is cleaning up after all variety of people with minimal protective gear. Thank you to the factory worker that has to go in and leave smelling like melting plastic, dead fish, cow, or chicken. Also, for those working in a hot, cold, or freezing processing area. Thank you for the different kinds of beauticians and artisans. Thank you to the construction industry. Thank you for the car mechanic. Thank you to the restaurant staff. Much appreciate all you do. If I have missed your industry, I am sorry, but I am not seeing or all-knowing of all the trade and service jobs.  

Thank you, comes from the heart of a worker of the same industry for twenty years waitress, cook, clerk, coffee, cashier, manager, and cleaner. I tried to leave the industry and go into healthcare. When I spoke with coworkers, they would treat me as an equal until they asked where I had worked last. Responded as a manager in a supermarket that respect was lost. One person mentioned that it was good. I got out of such a dead-end job. Here is the rub, though, and that my anxiety and depression keep going over. I was happy working retail and taking care of others rather than working in a nursing home as a Social Worker; their idea of Customer Service does not even come close to what expected from retail. Trying to shift to that was to difficult on my anxiety and depression with no industry training except what I got through college. So I returned to what made me happy helping others with less daily notes that impacted client (customer) care and minimum face to face care.

It has taken me years to accept that I am happiest working retail and taking care of others and providing care for one of the most basic human needs food. Keep up the great work all those that are the reason our country has not stopped running, our families fed, and we have a car to drive. I am going to wrap up with two pieces.

One is from CBS Sunday Morning news about the current information hitting the restaurant industry. The second piece I found from Mike Rowe reinforcing that we need to show our children that working in the service and trade industry is an honorable profession, not something to be looked down on. Side thought some of the racism this country keeps pushing about also stems from the portion of the black and low income community that the employment can get treated with disrespect as work and financial options are low. For US retail a cashier/stocker is paid $7.00 – 9.00 an hour as a lead it is $9.00 – 11.00 an hour, and management is $11.00 – 14.00 an hour, and store managers salaried, so they average $15.00 an hour because it expected to work forty-five to sixty hours a week. Many companies want to have open availability and are not flexible with scheduling. There is minimal work to home life balance.

Next time you are out and about, try to thank a worker from the service industry. Sincerely, all we ask is that you treat us with respect. We have to follow the rules, and being told how to do our job as we are taking care of you is annoying and disrespectful. Corporate no matter the industry already treats us poorly with low pay, not enough supplies, repairs not done, and no training or training that treats us like children. I heard somewhere that one company thinks that employees do fifty percent of theft. So we are already feeling devalued by corporate. Being treated by the people, we care for as children who fail in life makes that lack of proper value harder.  

Yes, there are poor workers, but if you think about it, every industry has that one or two employees that you celebrate when they leave or let go. No one is perfect, and there are jobs or work that see people striving or struggling to find their place. 

For those that feel this was prideful or selfish to post because I am in retail. This piece was tentatively written since June just struggled with posting it, not wanting to offend. I had a shift that made me want to open my mouth and give a customer a piece of my mind. Retail is a fantastic job that is physically tough and stressful in its way. On an hourly basis, your client or customer base is as diverse as the world. With this diversity comes a plethora of opinions and personalities. There is nothing wrong with working to care for others. Not all of us can pursue a degree either through desire or lack of opportunity. Try to treat those who take care of your fundamental needs with respect for all they do.  

Danny Meyer on reviving the restaurant industry – CBS Sunday Morning

Mike Rowe Testimony – CongessmanGT – Found this one sad and humorous that he called our US Politicians about asking him to come back but nothing changes.

Mike Rowe Works Foundation

Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe on Facebook

The Real Mike Rowe – Facebook

Thank you, for reading.  Reminder you are welcome to comment, but at this time my anxiety and depression make it extremely difficult to read the comments.  

Weekly Review 8/3-7/2020

Weekly Review 8/3-7/2020

I waffled this week on what I was going to do with this post. On the one hand, I did not keep my to-do/goals of uploading researched commentary on videos I liked or found odd or continuing with my anxiety research through the medical field and biblical. Another aspect was I made no progress on accurately determining how to create and upload to YouTube readings of my posts as well as filming my walks of parks in my area and my downsizing. My mind perceives this as a failure; how do I find peace or movement away from my failure?

Realistically looking at my week would be useful, but internally I think these excuses are just that excuses I should have done better. Without further adieu, here are my excuses; sleep apnea, Hypothyroidism, Calorie intake vs. Energy expended and mental health. Let’s start on the first mark and move down the list.

Sleep Apnea is still impacting. The machine is working some, I guess, at least 3 to 4 days a week I still wake up at 3 am. The last two months and one week before the C-Pap machine taking GNC – Herbal Plus Natra Sleep, this seems to help feel slightly more rested and more energetic during the day. Before the Natra Sleep supplement and the machine, I used to get up most nights at 3 am sometimes more than once. Currently, two problems still do not think the device is entirely doing anything except exacerbating my sinuses if I stupidly forget the Ayr nasal gel. The others are I do not see my specialist till mid-September when they could fit me due to my insurance not covering and appointments after a specific date. I will check with GNC the last time the clerk mentioned another supplement that had worked better for prior customers. Those thinking melatonin, cherry juice, or sleep teas even fluid and caffeine intake before certain times of evening; have tried over the years with limited success. I have also been trying Four Sigmatic (Chill) cacao with mushrooms that have limited my 3 am from brief to fully awake that is progress. I have been using that cocoa for two weeks have not seen any impact on my mental health. Enjoy the flavor and the decrease in getting up through the evening. Putting this all down in writing does show that this has been a successful change, not perfect, but life is not perfect no matter how we try. So that is the sleep what is the next one?

Oh yeah, my thorn in my side that began since the late eighties during trade school. Hypothyroidism has been a millstone plain and straightforward. Somedays I think it is worse than mental health. Both are a constant battle. Doctors say my weight, depression, fatigue, and sleep are because of the thyroid. Medication never seems to work except to cause bills for every two-month blood work that insurance does not always cover because, in their mind, it is not all necessary. So I am unsure if this is impacting my mental health or perception. Even given the years I have had this, I am unclear how this disease truly affects me because I feel better off the medication than on. So for me, I have no explicit listing of success on this one except the accept that I will continue to research what works for me. I might add this to my list of things to research, write, and post? Guess the success that is not worse or better. So this was a small piece, but I have no clear goals or journey for this because it frustrates me more than anything. On to the next one, what was that, hmm oh yeah calorie intake and energy expended?

Like the thyroid seems to go hand in hand. By the federal BMI chart, I am obese have been since the early eighties. I strongly feel it goes hand in hand with my thyroid condition. Personal opinion and forties years of never losing weight except for five maybe fifteen pounds. I have always worked jobs that place my step count as 12,000 to 15,000 per day. When I document my food intake, I average 1,200 to 1,300 calories. Mostly eat along the lines of a gluten-free diet and sometimes treat me to toast and fast food once or twice a month. So it is not if I am living off fast food or carbohydrates all day. I also limit my soy due to its being a hormone and the thyroid impacted by foods high in hormones. Another aspect is that I never have an appetite, so I become frustrated when my doctor and dietician’s first go-to is I need to eat healthily. So after posting a question to Athletic Greens private Facebook page about increasing two daily supplements to battle the mid-day slump of energy and napping, I am still struggling. The many posts that I received were that would be a temporary stop-gap, but I needed to concentrate on increasing my calorie intake. So I think that is what I am going to try to work on this week. It is difficult because the reason for the consumption I am now is that it is a struggle even to eat that. I never have an appetite. This weekend, I will research how to pursue protein increase to increase the calorie intake for next week. Successfully I have a goal and plan to prayerfully increase my calorie intake to counter the dip in energy hopefully. Next on the hit parade of the week, or is that year? Mental Health, the bain of all those who live, survive, and succeed.

My mental health this week has been okay and has had some spikes in anxiety. There may be multiple reasons for this aspect of increase. First is that I have completed my first full week of working my second job. My anxiety has hit off and on based on my co-workers’ actions. My mind automatically assumes I have done something wrong, or I am not going fast enough. It took some time to talk me through to acknowledge that I was too harsh on myself it is only my first week I only had two hours of training.

Additionally, my store manager is always offering to let me stay longer if I wanted to, and no one has said anything to me in the way of correction. So the anxiety is something I have created, and looking back in past reviews and my journals this week is always seems to have a spike of fear. The success for me is that I was able to talk myself down from full-blown anxiety and realize the illogical nature of my thought process. I am so thrilled that I did not dwell on this in the past I have spent weeks and months convinced of my failure. What has never happened except once, and based on someone else’s actions, not my own? Hum, where do you go from here this week’s review?

As has always been my time during this review week is was there success or failure. Struggling against my anxiety and depression is hard. Without much effort, I can quickly journey down the path of failure, like a downward run toward the pit of feelings of failure. This pit can be like quicksand for me. So for me, my week I consider a success I did not stay stuck in my quicksand of thoughts. It is accepting that I add thirty hours to a twenty-five hour week; that it is okay that I did not complete my blogging plans. With planning and research in safe calorie intake, I can improve my energy. With increase energy, I can fulfill my planned personal obligations to something I find great enjoyment and improvement of self. Thank you for following me on this successful journey toward escaping this week’s quicksand of negative thoughts toward successful acceptance that not all plans completed as initially put forth. Keep striving one person’s success will look different than another. For my success is I did not allow my anxiety to overwhelm me, and I may have found a solution to my continued decrease in energy. See you next week if I can maybe Monday. Thank you to who read my posts.  

Funny thought for the day, about missing socks.  For me my suggestion is that because we claim that dirty clothes breed that our socks are used as food to breed more clothes.

Ray Stevens – “Where Do My Socks Go?” (Official Audio)

Weekly Review 7/27-31-2020

Weekly Review 7/27-31-2020

Hmm was unsure if I was going to review this past week. The depression slump I have been in does not seem to have eased up. I want this feeling of living in a fog of distraction and feeling tired. So with tentative thought, list this as a good week.  

Good because I have been able to maintain care for the family. Not as much creativity as I would like, but I think that may have to because the Anxiety review that I was working on has hit some aspects of my life that have made a daily living with my depression a challenge. Additionally, weighing to return to retail work while still working as a home health aide has been an intricate decision to make to who I am and caring for my other responsibilities.  

Some would ask why I want to return to such a menial low paying and disrespected work when I am doing so much work by working in the medical field. It has taken me years to accept and even now have difficulty accepting. I enjoy serving others in an anonymous capacity. Serving in retail is different. I am helping others. Giving this help is simple to some, but without the legal and emotional heartache, that other industries bring. I could move from serving in retail to serving in the psychology field. But the problem with that is that the paperwork not helping people is emotionally destructive to me. I like to keep moving physically; I die inside sitting at a desk filling out notes and questionnaires, instead of sitting and speaking to people and seeing their successes in life.  

Thoughts in mind, it took some time to understand that my spike in anxiety and depression was induced by over the last three months of who and where I was the happiest working. Having enjoyment through working as a home health aide is terrific in a service aspect. In my situation, genuinely blessed because I have just one client and company that accepts that is all I want. My thoughts and prayers go to those that need to go to multiple clients. But I am in one spot with one face, and over the months, I have missed the daily interaction of total strangers and the regulars. I missed being stopped and asked a question of where something is. What was a struggle was that to return to retail is going back to being embarrassed about what I find enjoyment in that provides money to pursue my goal of paying off my school debt. Total remodel of our home so my husband I can safely stay there to the end. Where does this leave me this week on mine?. The absolute scale of success or failure?

For the personal pursuit of success or failure, this week was a success emotionally. Accepting that it is okay to work retail, this is what brings me joy. This joy even though I am on my feet for 5-8 hours and dealing with people who are cranky with no filter. Imagine facing the people that post negative or odd opinions on social media on an hourly basis, with the attitude that you did not move fast enough. Even when it is there turn, they want the same care of detail that you gave the customer before them. Yes, there are those in retail that should not be there as workers, but all industries, have people that do not work well. That is the life of employment; some preform the minimum of work and maximum of work. Where am I at home, thou?

Succes on the physical aspect I am still struggling with, but I am improving on accepting limitations. Again eighty to ninety degrees with no central air or window boxes just fans are draining, and I did not realize how much. Writing those words helps, but I still place myself at a standard I should be doing better. Success is repetitious because I am not going further into depression over the subject that my physical projects have stagnated. Hopefully, the meteorologists are correct, and my area is moving toward a cool down so I can go back to my downsizing and cleaning.

May this week find everyone well during this time of chaos on the world, national, and local stage of opinions. Exterior chaos does not mean we cannot still keep working on finding where we fit in the world that leaves us emotionally and spiritually at peace with our place.

Follow up from last week and Athletic Greens. I love it; I take it additional to my vitamin routine. Currently, once in the morning around 6 am, feel energized and clear-headed during the morning. I do dip in the early mid-afternoon, so I will monitor if that is food or mineral interaction. Given my medical deficits, I feel great after taking the Athletic Greens, assisting with energy, edema, and mild headaches. From what I can determine for me, it does not impact my depression and anxiety, maybe positively, because I could add walking and add ten more work hours to a twenty-four-hour workweek of employment that is physically demanding. The web page does market toward the sport and exercises culture, which I am none of these just the exact opposite.


May this day find everyone well. I look forward to striving to posting daily and finding my place again with an expanded work schedule and life observations.

Weekly Review 7/21-25/2020

Weekly Review 7/21-25/2020

Another hot week here in Ohio, which again impacted the downsizing physical aspect, has been my concentration for the last two to three months, which pushed at my anxiety and depression toward feelings of failure and the thoughts of why I should bother. I am never going to succeed; I have not in the past, which proves it. Thinking back over this week, I expected to return my comfortable depression pit. That pit of why bother, I am worthless, I will never succeed, and all those endless recurring thoughts of failure.  

Honestly expected, the old me was going to win this week. In the past, this is always where I give up and shut everything down that I began in my upward swing of positive. With struggle, I honestly had plans to write my goodbye note to the website, Facebook, and store. A summary of I am a failure and not strong enough to continue my creative outlet because why bother. I am just a whiny woman that will never be anything, so why push that on others. Yeah, depression visited severely this week. With success as my morning to evening progressed, I was able to find that strength to keep moving forward by posting and creating daily about miscellaneous topics. Praise God. Over the week still felt that shadow of failure on all my other listed projects.

On Friday, though came across the Desperate for Jesus 2020 Women’s Conference for me, this was a fantastic reminder of the beauty and strength that blessed with even on the wrong hours, days, and weeks. I have worth even when I cannot see it. The individual at the conference that pushed that home was Katherine Wolf.

Katherine had a stroke at twenty-six, has two children, and is a blogger and Author. Here are her Hope Heals – Facebook and Hope Heals Website. What I took from this was we are all made as individuals our battles are our own. We seek comfort from who we are and plan to be. It is perfectly fine to have bad days or weeks; our physical and mental health will impact us. Striving to move on and forward to maintain and be who we meant to be. For me, this helped if a woman who needs to move in a wheelchair daily and looks at it as positive and sees the positive in daily life with physical restrictions, she also acknowledges she has bad days. With those bad days, she questions God’s plan but lovingly accepts that he healed her to what He needs her to do and blessed her with an idea and strength to live it. Having a bad day does not mean positive stops. It just shifts till a positive can be celebrated bad days are okay just striving not to wallow is impressive.

Sunday was watching Hope Church – July 26 Service 9 am, which not surprisingly in my life reinforced this message from the women’s conference of good days and bad days. How we live them is the celebration. The pastor also mentioned another woman of modern times in a wheelchair Joni Eareckson Tada – Joni and Friends Facebook. The message was a fantastic reminder that followed up on Friday evening and Saturday morning women’s conference, much needed for me at least.

So for my weekly review, I am so amazed that I can see a celebration. I did not know at the beginning of the week; I still feel slightly out of place with my depression and downsizing. With great amazement, my week was a success. I may not have accomplished my written goals due to heat and emotional turmoil, but I am not giving up. My progress for the week is next week is another week of working in my goals of downsizing and reevaluating my life for the better. To move forward with my creativity and making my family’s experience better. Self-care is okay every once in a while. Changing the goal line is okay when there are obstacles in the way.  

Thank you all who follow. Still not at a position of reading comments. Thank you to anyone who leaves them. Anxiety and depression are a struggle, but with medicine, professional assistance, and self-care, we can succeed in living life as well as we can. Success is all in how we see it.

Follow up note from last week I physically energy-wise felt some improvement with the Athletic Greens routine. But still not going to post the website because I am unsure if my depression dip was from taking the Athletic Greens, a decrease of Vit-D, or just one of those weeks. So I will take a week off from taking Athletic Greens to see how my depression is. If my physical energy dips and my depression not changed by Wednesday will restart taking them. I enjoyed not falling asleep when I got home from work at noon for an hour. I do not know I did not take it today, and I currently have a headache and no energy, so making it till Wednesday may not happen. We shall see. I Will keep you updated, and I want to move forward with this information cautiously. Have a great day and week.

Turtle at one of the local parks I walk.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Pondering Defunding the Police again…

Pondering Defunding the Police again…

Media got me thinking about the topic of defunding the police that had been the battle cry back at the beginning of June. The media has not been covering it a lot. Unsure if the groups that began the call are still pushing for it. Another there might be a topic the Cleveland, OH area is not currently covering. (I realize the COVID numbers have increased.)

Two write-ups that gave for me a satisfying balance to the sunject. The Washington Post is an opinion piece from Editorial Board on July 16 and the Washington Examiner by Kaylee McGhee, Commentary Writer on July 10.  

‘Defund the police’ is as much about re-imagining public safety as it is about money

This opinion piece seems to present the re-imagined departments and that each state would look different. I guess my concern with all this is we have City Councils throughout our country and probably the world that cannot agree on road repair and government building staffing. How are they going to re-imagine a world that has always had police and a need for them? How are they going to re-imagine also a department that is already short-staffed and not solving the crime?  

It is mention that school disputes get a well-trained counselor instead of a police officer. I do not know about anyone else, but our school has slowly removed counselors due to money. Personally, in the case of our family, my daughter was bullied, and having counselors and teachers monitoring made it worse. Remember, in a parent-teacher/counselor conference, was told my daughter’s bullying would not happen as much if she was not as emotional. This thinking from the professionals they want to replace our police? 

What if we gave police officers better hours, more counseling support, and more vacation days. Maybe sabbaticals like teachers get so they can de-stress.  The counseling industry would require a change in training if you want them to replace the police. Are we going to teach them disarming techniques when they cannot talk down a drug addict who has mental health? Are we going to address why this addict may have chosen drugs, indeed? Their situation could be they began treating mental health with alcohol and then street drugs instead of pharmaceuticals due to not knowing? Now they cannot afford the medicines or doctor’s appointments or family history of not accepting mental health? These are my thoughts on this one, let’s see what the other one has for ideas.

People don’t want to defund the police. Can you blame them? by Kaylee McGhee, Commentary Writer | | July 10, 2020, 03:21 PM

What I found fascinating is the articles in a broad stroke mirror each other. Did find an example of a citizen who found a homeless person on his front step call a community service person who is supposed to handle the homeless and got no answer but called the police, and it was processed quickly. That is one example of the over hall that a segment of our society is calling for needs to look at what is already in place and why it is not working. What if we looked at training police officers that due to injury can no longer be on the force, Train them as counselors make use of the training maybe change their uniform, so those going on soft calls do not look as threatening. Another aspect is how police are perceived. Do people even know who to call for what problems? Personally, our car and house egged many years ago my husband called the police. Where we supposed to call someone different, I do not know?

This writer also spoke about the consequences of Minneapolis neighborhood residents had agreed to not rely on law enforcement, and crime has increased, which on a human perspective that makes sense. On a simple example, you see that mom and dad leave the children at home, and they have friends over that destroy the house.  

What got me on this track again is a news clip from our local news station that got me thinking that I do not know if it is like this everywhere. The detective staffing levels are lower than they are supposed to be by federal standards. Even before all this current hoopla. If our police are understaffed, why?. What is life going to look like if the loudmouths get their way on instant defunding? We need to look at retraining, and supporting have clear cut policies in place for the police and the support units. No matter how that looks in the future, but it will not be instant.

Cleveland leaders to hold hearings on homicide detective staffing level concerns.

For me, I’m rather proud of myself that after a little bit of research and reading, my anxiety is minimal. Again I cannot change this except at the voting booth. Also, be aware of where and who to call when there is a problem. Which at the current plan is the town hall main number or web page. Suppose worse comes to worst the general police number, not the 911 and ask them. At least for the noncritical things. Critical being physical attacks, robbery, and etc.  Media, life, and people can present an oversaturation of information or opinions. Trying to find a balance between worry and anxiety is the trick of survival. Oh, maybe that is the meaning of life finding peace between concern and panic.

Have a great day. I am considering creating what I find in the media as a daily post since it is becoming rather crowded at the end of my weekly review. I will see how this works for me. When I watch the news, I find myself wanting to comment but find I want to research multiple facets of information.

Week Review 7/6-10/2020

Heat in Ohio has been draining at 90 plus all week with no central air, just fans and Arctic Air (https://www.buyarcticair.com/). Side note: the Artic Air does work and keeps my desk area cool enough for me to work at.  I did not accomplish as much as my mind wanted to but have to say I am proud of what I was able to accomplish. Keep striving to remind me that success comes in many different shapes and sizes.

Success for me is another eight boxes of clothing and housewares to Goodwill. I renewed my Social Worker Assistant certification, which is thirty hours of Continued Education Credits. I was able to adjust my thought that it was okay that I did not walk this week. Healthwise it was not safe. Acknowledge and upload my cluttered mess that I am striving to remove. 

Removing clutter/hoarding is hard because you never know when you will need it, always been my go-to thought. I have to acknowledge that to move forward emotionally and physically. I can not make life changes if I do not toss and recycle. It has felt great to downsize and keep working on it and got one four-shelf metal shelving emptied and refilled with my clothes that I am trying to downsize or prioritize.

Honestly the beginning of the week was moving toward negative because I did not feel the pop of energy I was planning on using my C-PAP machine for my sleep apnea. Nevermind the device excerpted my sinus. I have a message into my specialist to see if there is anything I can do to counteract that without taking another medication. I have had some success with an essential oil mix I use from Doterra called Breathe, mix it with coconut oil, and dab under my nose before I sleep. They also have a roll-on already mixed. It seems to decrease the sinus agitation but does not entirely remove it, which may not be possible. But we shall see. PLEASE, if you try this, either verify you do not have any allergies to the ingredient list or check with your doctor if you are lucky and have one that accepts alternative trying methods. I have not had any luck in my area except my chiropractor that my insurance will cover.

All and all will rate this emotionally as a success. Going to strive to work next week on my planned reviews of a professional explaining general anxiety that I started a couple of weeks ago and my scriptural anxiety continuation.

Signing off, keep striving for your version of personal success. It looks different to everyone.  We all have struggles, some are more visible than others.  Thank you to those who keep reading.

Media over the Week I found helpful in keeping going forward away from the triggers to my anxiety and depression of not fitting into the louder constructive opinions.

Song from Before July 4th

Just love the reminder that even during all this negative chaos and hypocrisy around the country, there is still a segment of our society concentrating on their skills and gifts to lift others and remind us of the importance of freedom, family, and caring others.

Home Free – God Bless the U.S.A. (featuring Lee Greenwood and The United States Air Force Band)

Wearing Masks Opinion from Tom Hanks

I came across this article from the BBC about Tom Hank’s opinion about wearing masks. I found I agreed it was nice seeing a public individual agree.

Coronavirus: Tom Hanks ‘has no respect’ for people not wearing masks

Culture Issues

Below is another church message from Tony Evans about the Cultural Issues. I do find his research and ability to give biblical and current visuals well. Warning: I have discovered when he speaks/preaches from the pulpit, his voice does raise in volume (sounds like yelling to me at least). The message just struck a chord to me, reflecting the society and culture diversity does bring home that as individual people, we are responsible for how we live. Even in the Bible, there were examples of hypocrisy by believers.  

For me, it helped when I kept struggling with watching the media and the severe separations of ideas on face masks, racism, and statue destruction. Keep hold of concentrating on treating those around me with respect and voting for politicians that are striving to vote based on the laws written by our forefathers and when possible biblical.  

Race, Culture, and Christ – Tony Evans 0 Messages on Cultural Issues


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