Category: mental health

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you, Retail, Services, and Trade Employees. Since the beginning of this pandemic, it has bothered me the media, social media, and signs concentration and praise healthcare workers and as an afterthought, the police, fire, and EMS. Yes, they deserve praise, but it reinforces the employment/career perception of society. What I do see is the lack of thank you to all of the service industries. Thank you to the people who work at the stores, services like hair, dining, and the people who provide us with the products to sell and deliver services. May miss a couple of titles but truckers, factory workers, housekeepers, tattoo artists, bus drivers, crafters, makers, and all that provide for services that are an integral part of living in today’s culture.

With all the current talks of the needs of the people and everyone needs support. Some financial assistance may be helpful in realistic hourly pay to the job description, taxes, and actual medical. Most, if not all, individuals desire to feel value for the work they do. There are those in the world who find value and skill in serving or creating for others. Over the years, I have noticed that there is a lack of respect or support to those impacted through life situations, skills, and/or desire that choose employment in low paying and low respect service or high pay but low respect trade industries.   

What I am asking for others to consider is your perception of a person who chooses or needs to work a retail, service, or trade job. One type of trade is to drive trucks, do you respect the individual for that choice? Do you look and think oh that is all their good for, with that underthought of no respect for the individual? What about the plumber who you call when there is an emergency. What are your thoughts when you find out your child wants to be a plumber? Pride or concern that they are choosing a menial job.

What are your thoughts or attitudes of the clerk at the meat counter, waitress, factory worker, coffee counter, crafter, tattoo, hairdresser, or supermarket? Do you consider that they have a ‘real’ job, or that was all they could because they do not have the IQ or degree for something better? We see this in ads for colleges.    

American Career College Ads

Supporting and showing pride for those who chose to work in the service industry and allow for full-time hours would go a long way in economic equality. Many workers would not push for the fifteen dollar hours if they were able to find full-time hours with benefits.  

Humans want respect, but when you treated like a lesser person, you are a clerk in a supermarket, waitress, cook, and stock. Factory worker, housekeeper, kitchen prep, electrician, and many more. This lack of respect seen in we have high unemployment, but many people will not apply for retail jobs because the pay is low and considered beneath them for some. Bear in mind that it is a generalization, not a specific person, and on social media comments and a couple of comments I have heard from others. Well, let us consider the fact that supermarkets stayed open with only a small amount of thank you, followed by abuse for mask or supply purchase mandates.

Again thank you to those in all aspects of the service/trade industry. Our country indeed, could not run without us. The media may not acknowledge the daily strife and anxiety of our health and safety. Again thank you for working your twenty to fifty hours of work with no benefits, respect, and buying your masks and other supplies.

Thank you for the truck driver who has to deal with the driver who does not realize that you need a good eighth of a mile to brake but cuts right in front. Additionally, the time away from family and friends. Thank you to the housekeeper that is cleaning up after all variety of people with minimal protective gear. Thank you to the factory worker that has to go in and leave smelling like melting plastic, dead fish, cow, or chicken. Also, for those working in a hot, cold, or freezing processing area. Thank you for the different kinds of beauticians and artisans. Thank you to the construction industry. Thank you for the car mechanic. Thank you to the restaurant staff. Much appreciate all you do. If I have missed your industry, I am sorry, but I am not seeing or all-knowing of all the trade and service jobs.  

Thank you, comes from the heart of a worker of the same industry for twenty years waitress, cook, clerk, coffee, cashier, manager, and cleaner. I tried to leave the industry and go into healthcare. When I spoke with coworkers, they would treat me as an equal until they asked where I had worked last. Responded as a manager in a supermarket that respect was lost. One person mentioned that it was good. I got out of such a dead-end job. Here is the rub, though, and that my anxiety and depression keep going over. I was happy working retail and taking care of others rather than working in a nursing home as a Social Worker; their idea of Customer Service does not even come close to what expected from retail. Trying to shift to that was to difficult on my anxiety and depression with no industry training except what I got through college. So I returned to what made me happy helping others with less daily notes that impacted client (customer) care and minimum face to face care.

It has taken me years to accept that I am happiest working retail and taking care of others and providing care for one of the most basic human needs food. Keep up the great work all those that are the reason our country has not stopped running, our families fed, and we have a car to drive. I am going to wrap up with two pieces.

One is from CBS Sunday Morning news about the current information hitting the restaurant industry. The second piece I found from Mike Rowe reinforcing that we need to show our children that working in the service and trade industry is an honorable profession, not something to be looked down on. Side thought some of the racism this country keeps pushing about also stems from the portion of the black and low income community that the employment can get treated with disrespect as work and financial options are low. For US retail a cashier/stocker is paid $7.00 – 9.00 an hour as a lead it is $9.00 – 11.00 an hour, and management is $11.00 – 14.00 an hour, and store managers salaried, so they average $15.00 an hour because it expected to work forty-five to sixty hours a week. Many companies want to have open availability and are not flexible with scheduling. There is minimal work to home life balance.

Next time you are out and about, try to thank a worker from the service industry. Sincerely, all we ask is that you treat us with respect. We have to follow the rules, and being told how to do our job as we are taking care of you is annoying and disrespectful. Corporate no matter the industry already treats us poorly with low pay, not enough supplies, repairs not done, and no training or training that treats us like children. I heard somewhere that one company thinks that employees do fifty percent of theft. So we are already feeling devalued by corporate. Being treated by the people, we care for as children who fail in life makes that lack of proper value harder.  

Yes, there are poor workers, but if you think about it, every industry has that one or two employees that you celebrate when they leave or let go. No one is perfect, and there are jobs or work that see people striving or struggling to find their place. 

For those that feel this was prideful or selfish to post because I am in retail. This piece was tentatively written since June just struggled with posting it, not wanting to offend. I had a shift that made me want to open my mouth and give a customer a piece of my mind. Retail is a fantastic job that is physically tough and stressful in its way. On an hourly basis, your client or customer base is as diverse as the world. With this diversity comes a plethora of opinions and personalities. There is nothing wrong with working to care for others. Not all of us can pursue a degree either through desire or lack of opportunity. Try to treat those who take care of your fundamental needs with respect for all they do.  

Danny Meyer on reviving the restaurant industry – CBS Sunday Morning

Mike Rowe Testimony – CongessmanGT – Found this one sad and humorous that he called our US Politicians about asking him to come back but nothing changes.

Mike Rowe Works Foundation

Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe on Facebook

The Real Mike Rowe – Facebook

Thank you, for reading.  Reminder you are welcome to comment, but at this time my anxiety and depression make it extremely difficult to read the comments.  

Weekly Review 8/3-7/2020

Weekly Review 8/3-7/2020

I waffled this week on what I was going to do with this post. On the one hand, I did not keep my to-do/goals of uploading researched commentary on videos I liked or found odd or continuing with my anxiety research through the medical field and biblical. Another aspect was I made no progress on accurately determining how to create and upload to YouTube readings of my posts as well as filming my walks of parks in my area and my downsizing. My mind perceives this as a failure; how do I find peace or movement away from my failure?

Realistically looking at my week would be useful, but internally I think these excuses are just that excuses I should have done better. Without further adieu, here are my excuses; sleep apnea, Hypothyroidism, Calorie intake vs. Energy expended and mental health. Let’s start on the first mark and move down the list.

Sleep Apnea is still impacting. The machine is working some, I guess, at least 3 to 4 days a week I still wake up at 3 am. The last two months and one week before the C-Pap machine taking GNC – Herbal Plus Natra Sleep, this seems to help feel slightly more rested and more energetic during the day. Before the Natra Sleep supplement and the machine, I used to get up most nights at 3 am sometimes more than once. Currently, two problems still do not think the device is entirely doing anything except exacerbating my sinuses if I stupidly forget the Ayr nasal gel. The others are I do not see my specialist till mid-September when they could fit me due to my insurance not covering and appointments after a specific date. I will check with GNC the last time the clerk mentioned another supplement that had worked better for prior customers. Those thinking melatonin, cherry juice, or sleep teas even fluid and caffeine intake before certain times of evening; have tried over the years with limited success. I have also been trying Four Sigmatic (Chill) cacao with mushrooms that have limited my 3 am from brief to fully awake that is progress. I have been using that cocoa for two weeks have not seen any impact on my mental health. Enjoy the flavor and the decrease in getting up through the evening. Putting this all down in writing does show that this has been a successful change, not perfect, but life is not perfect no matter how we try. So that is the sleep what is the next one?

Oh yeah, my thorn in my side that began since the late eighties during trade school. Hypothyroidism has been a millstone plain and straightforward. Somedays I think it is worse than mental health. Both are a constant battle. Doctors say my weight, depression, fatigue, and sleep are because of the thyroid. Medication never seems to work except to cause bills for every two-month blood work that insurance does not always cover because, in their mind, it is not all necessary. So I am unsure if this is impacting my mental health or perception. Even given the years I have had this, I am unclear how this disease truly affects me because I feel better off the medication than on. So for me, I have no explicit listing of success on this one except the accept that I will continue to research what works for me. I might add this to my list of things to research, write, and post? Guess the success that is not worse or better. So this was a small piece, but I have no clear goals or journey for this because it frustrates me more than anything. On to the next one, what was that, hmm oh yeah calorie intake and energy expended?

Like the thyroid seems to go hand in hand. By the federal BMI chart, I am obese have been since the early eighties. I strongly feel it goes hand in hand with my thyroid condition. Personal opinion and forties years of never losing weight except for five maybe fifteen pounds. I have always worked jobs that place my step count as 12,000 to 15,000 per day. When I document my food intake, I average 1,200 to 1,300 calories. Mostly eat along the lines of a gluten-free diet and sometimes treat me to toast and fast food once or twice a month. So it is not if I am living off fast food or carbohydrates all day. I also limit my soy due to its being a hormone and the thyroid impacted by foods high in hormones. Another aspect is that I never have an appetite, so I become frustrated when my doctor and dietician’s first go-to is I need to eat healthily. So after posting a question to Athletic Greens private Facebook page about increasing two daily supplements to battle the mid-day slump of energy and napping, I am still struggling. The many posts that I received were that would be a temporary stop-gap, but I needed to concentrate on increasing my calorie intake. So I think that is what I am going to try to work on this week. It is difficult because the reason for the consumption I am now is that it is a struggle even to eat that. I never have an appetite. This weekend, I will research how to pursue protein increase to increase the calorie intake for next week. Successfully I have a goal and plan to prayerfully increase my calorie intake to counter the dip in energy hopefully. Next on the hit parade of the week, or is that year? Mental Health, the bain of all those who live, survive, and succeed.

My mental health this week has been okay and has had some spikes in anxiety. There may be multiple reasons for this aspect of increase. First is that I have completed my first full week of working my second job. My anxiety has hit off and on based on my co-workers’ actions. My mind automatically assumes I have done something wrong, or I am not going fast enough. It took some time to talk me through to acknowledge that I was too harsh on myself it is only my first week I only had two hours of training.

Additionally, my store manager is always offering to let me stay longer if I wanted to, and no one has said anything to me in the way of correction. So the anxiety is something I have created, and looking back in past reviews and my journals this week is always seems to have a spike of fear. The success for me is that I was able to talk myself down from full-blown anxiety and realize the illogical nature of my thought process. I am so thrilled that I did not dwell on this in the past I have spent weeks and months convinced of my failure. What has never happened except once, and based on someone else’s actions, not my own? Hum, where do you go from here this week’s review?

As has always been my time during this review week is was there success or failure. Struggling against my anxiety and depression is hard. Without much effort, I can quickly journey down the path of failure, like a downward run toward the pit of feelings of failure. This pit can be like quicksand for me. So for me, my week I consider a success I did not stay stuck in my quicksand of thoughts. It is accepting that I add thirty hours to a twenty-five hour week; that it is okay that I did not complete my blogging plans. With planning and research in safe calorie intake, I can improve my energy. With increase energy, I can fulfill my planned personal obligations to something I find great enjoyment and improvement of self. Thank you for following me on this successful journey toward escaping this week’s quicksand of negative thoughts toward successful acceptance that not all plans completed as initially put forth. Keep striving one person’s success will look different than another. For my success is I did not allow my anxiety to overwhelm me, and I may have found a solution to my continued decrease in energy. See you next week if I can maybe Monday. Thank you to who read my posts.  

Funny thought for the day, about missing socks.  For me my suggestion is that because we claim that dirty clothes breed that our socks are used as food to breed more clothes.

Ray Stevens – “Where Do My Socks Go?” (Official Audio)

Weekly Review 7/27-31-2020

Weekly Review 7/27-31-2020

Hmm was unsure if I was going to review this past week. The depression slump I have been in does not seem to have eased up. I want this feeling of living in a fog of distraction and feeling tired. So with tentative thought, list this as a good week.  

Good because I have been able to maintain care for the family. Not as much creativity as I would like, but I think that may have to because the Anxiety review that I was working on has hit some aspects of my life that have made a daily living with my depression a challenge. Additionally, weighing to return to retail work while still working as a home health aide has been an intricate decision to make to who I am and caring for my other responsibilities.  

Some would ask why I want to return to such a menial low paying and disrespected work when I am doing so much work by working in the medical field. It has taken me years to accept and even now have difficulty accepting. I enjoy serving others in an anonymous capacity. Serving in retail is different. I am helping others. Giving this help is simple to some, but without the legal and emotional heartache, that other industries bring. I could move from serving in retail to serving in the psychology field. But the problem with that is that the paperwork not helping people is emotionally destructive to me. I like to keep moving physically; I die inside sitting at a desk filling out notes and questionnaires, instead of sitting and speaking to people and seeing their successes in life.  

Thoughts in mind, it took some time to understand that my spike in anxiety and depression was induced by over the last three months of who and where I was the happiest working. Having enjoyment through working as a home health aide is terrific in a service aspect. In my situation, genuinely blessed because I have just one client and company that accepts that is all I want. My thoughts and prayers go to those that need to go to multiple clients. But I am in one spot with one face, and over the months, I have missed the daily interaction of total strangers and the regulars. I missed being stopped and asked a question of where something is. What was a struggle was that to return to retail is going back to being embarrassed about what I find enjoyment in that provides money to pursue my goal of paying off my school debt. Total remodel of our home so my husband I can safely stay there to the end. Where does this leave me this week on mine?. The absolute scale of success or failure?

For the personal pursuit of success or failure, this week was a success emotionally. Accepting that it is okay to work retail, this is what brings me joy. This joy even though I am on my feet for 5-8 hours and dealing with people who are cranky with no filter. Imagine facing the people that post negative or odd opinions on social media on an hourly basis, with the attitude that you did not move fast enough. Even when it is there turn, they want the same care of detail that you gave the customer before them. Yes, there are those in retail that should not be there as workers, but all industries, have people that do not work well. That is the life of employment; some preform the minimum of work and maximum of work. Where am I at home, thou?

Succes on the physical aspect I am still struggling with, but I am improving on accepting limitations. Again eighty to ninety degrees with no central air or window boxes just fans are draining, and I did not realize how much. Writing those words helps, but I still place myself at a standard I should be doing better. Success is repetitious because I am not going further into depression over the subject that my physical projects have stagnated. Hopefully, the meteorologists are correct, and my area is moving toward a cool down so I can go back to my downsizing and cleaning.

May this week find everyone well during this time of chaos on the world, national, and local stage of opinions. Exterior chaos does not mean we cannot still keep working on finding where we fit in the world that leaves us emotionally and spiritually at peace with our place.

Follow up from last week and Athletic Greens. I love it; I take it additional to my vitamin routine. Currently, once in the morning around 6 am, feel energized and clear-headed during the morning. I do dip in the early mid-afternoon, so I will monitor if that is food or mineral interaction. Given my medical deficits, I feel great after taking the Athletic Greens, assisting with energy, edema, and mild headaches. From what I can determine for me, it does not impact my depression and anxiety, maybe positively, because I could add walking and add ten more work hours to a twenty-four-hour workweek of employment that is physically demanding. The web page does market toward the sport and exercises culture, which I am none of these just the exact opposite.

https://athleticgreens.com/

May this day find everyone well. I look forward to striving to posting daily and finding my place again with an expanded work schedule and life observations.

Weekly Review 7/21-25/2020

Weekly Review 7/21-25/2020

Another hot week here in Ohio, which again impacted the downsizing physical aspect, has been my concentration for the last two to three months, which pushed at my anxiety and depression toward feelings of failure and the thoughts of why I should bother. I am never going to succeed; I have not in the past, which proves it. Thinking back over this week, I expected to return my comfortable depression pit. That pit of why bother, I am worthless, I will never succeed, and all those endless recurring thoughts of failure.  

Honestly expected, the old me was going to win this week. In the past, this is always where I give up and shut everything down that I began in my upward swing of positive. With struggle, I honestly had plans to write my goodbye note to the website, Facebook, and store. A summary of I am a failure and not strong enough to continue my creative outlet because why bother. I am just a whiny woman that will never be anything, so why push that on others. Yeah, depression visited severely this week. With success as my morning to evening progressed, I was able to find that strength to keep moving forward by posting and creating daily about miscellaneous topics. Praise God. Over the week still felt that shadow of failure on all my other listed projects.

On Friday, though came across the Desperate for Jesus 2020 Women’s Conference for me, this was a fantastic reminder of the beauty and strength that blessed with even on the wrong hours, days, and weeks. I have worth even when I cannot see it. The individual at the conference that pushed that home was Katherine Wolf.

Katherine had a stroke at twenty-six, has two children, and is a blogger and Author. Here are her Hope Heals – Facebook and Hope Heals Website. What I took from this was we are all made as individuals our battles are our own. We seek comfort from who we are and plan to be. It is perfectly fine to have bad days or weeks; our physical and mental health will impact us. Striving to move on and forward to maintain and be who we meant to be. For me, this helped if a woman who needs to move in a wheelchair daily and looks at it as positive and sees the positive in daily life with physical restrictions, she also acknowledges she has bad days. With those bad days, she questions God’s plan but lovingly accepts that he healed her to what He needs her to do and blessed her with an idea and strength to live it. Having a bad day does not mean positive stops. It just shifts till a positive can be celebrated bad days are okay just striving not to wallow is impressive.

Sunday was watching Hope Church – July 26 Service 9 am, which not surprisingly in my life reinforced this message from the women’s conference of good days and bad days. How we live them is the celebration. The pastor also mentioned another woman of modern times in a wheelchair Joni Eareckson Tada – Joni and Friends Facebook. The message was a fantastic reminder that followed up on Friday evening and Saturday morning women’s conference, much needed for me at least.

So for my weekly review, I am so amazed that I can see a celebration. I did not know at the beginning of the week; I still feel slightly out of place with my depression and downsizing. With great amazement, my week was a success. I may not have accomplished my written goals due to heat and emotional turmoil, but I am not giving up. My progress for the week is next week is another week of working in my goals of downsizing and reevaluating my life for the better. To move forward with my creativity and making my family’s experience better. Self-care is okay every once in a while. Changing the goal line is okay when there are obstacles in the way.  

Thank you all who follow. Still not at a position of reading comments. Thank you to anyone who leaves them. Anxiety and depression are a struggle, but with medicine, professional assistance, and self-care, we can succeed in living life as well as we can. Success is all in how we see it.

Follow up note from last week I physically energy-wise felt some improvement with the Athletic Greens routine. But still not going to post the website because I am unsure if my depression dip was from taking the Athletic Greens, a decrease of Vit-D, or just one of those weeks. So I will take a week off from taking Athletic Greens to see how my depression is. If my physical energy dips and my depression not changed by Wednesday will restart taking them. I enjoyed not falling asleep when I got home from work at noon for an hour. I do not know I did not take it today, and I currently have a headache and no energy, so making it till Wednesday may not happen. We shall see. I Will keep you updated, and I want to move forward with this information cautiously. Have a great day and week.

Turtle at one of the local parks I walk. Slow and steady wins the race.

Why Didn’t I Think of That?

Why Didn’t I Think of That?

Several days ago, Channel 5 in my home area ran a fun article. Got such a chuckle, which then moved to why didn’t I think of that? Surprise, there is not a franchise chain of these, takes recycling to a whole new level. Recycling could use or sell the products they cannot recycle to these places.

Enjoyed a new idea? Maybe some of these all over the world is one now in the Mogadore, OH area. 

You bought it; you break it at Rage Room Ohio – News 5 Cleveland

Of course, this got my mental health side thinking. What if this would be a partial therapy option for those who have difficulty controlling their rage or had an outlet to vent before it got too much for them to control in most situations? Just a thought to think about to all those highly educated professionals to research? Could this be something that would allow an individual that is prone to rage work through it easier? Have them use a room like this than after or during a session. Have a professional talk with the individual about what they imagine during smashing/venting. Help them work through what the triggers are and optional thoughts to consider, so not get to that rage point faster.

Have a great day, everyone. I hope everyone is well during this time of change for everyone.  

Now I am off to collect all my breakable I don’t want in the garage to use later for my rage. LOL. Since the police in my neighborhood would probably be called. I guess I will stay police visit free and just set up an appointment in Mogadore.

Week Review 7/6-10/2020

Heat in Ohio has been draining at 90 plus all week with no central air, just fans and Arctic Air (https://www.buyarcticair.com/). Side note: the Artic Air does work and keeps my desk area cool enough for me to work at.  I did not accomplish as much as my mind wanted to but have to say I am proud of what I was able to accomplish. Keep striving to remind me that success comes in many different shapes and sizes.

Success for me is another eight boxes of clothing and housewares to Goodwill. I renewed my Social Worker Assistant certification, which is thirty hours of Continued Education Credits. I was able to adjust my thought that it was okay that I did not walk this week. Healthwise it was not safe. Acknowledge and upload my cluttered mess that I am striving to remove. 

Removing clutter/hoarding is hard because you never know when you will need it, always been my go-to thought. I have to acknowledge that to move forward emotionally and physically. I can not make life changes if I do not toss and recycle. It has felt great to downsize and keep working on it and got one four-shelf metal shelving emptied and refilled with my clothes that I am trying to downsize or prioritize.

Honestly the beginning of the week was moving toward negative because I did not feel the pop of energy I was planning on using my C-PAP machine for my sleep apnea. Nevermind the device excerpted my sinus. I have a message into my specialist to see if there is anything I can do to counteract that without taking another medication. I have had some success with an essential oil mix I use from Doterra called Breathe, mix it with coconut oil, and dab under my nose before I sleep. They also have a roll-on already mixed. It seems to decrease the sinus agitation but does not entirely remove it, which may not be possible. But we shall see. PLEASE, if you try this, either verify you do not have any allergies to the ingredient list or check with your doctor if you are lucky and have one that accepts alternative trying methods. I have not had any luck in my area except my chiropractor that my insurance will cover.

All and all will rate this emotionally as a success. Going to strive to work next week on my planned reviews of a professional explaining general anxiety that I started a couple of weeks ago and my scriptural anxiety continuation.

Signing off, keep striving for your version of personal success. It looks different to everyone.  We all have struggles, some are more visible than others.  Thank you to those who keep reading.

Media over the Week I found helpful in keeping going forward away from the triggers to my anxiety and depression of not fitting into the louder constructive opinions.

Song from Before July 4th

Just love the reminder that even during all this negative chaos and hypocrisy around the country, there is still a segment of our society concentrating on their skills and gifts to lift others and remind us of the importance of freedom, family, and caring others.

Home Free – God Bless the U.S.A. (featuring Lee Greenwood and The United States Air Force Band)

Wearing Masks Opinion from Tom Hanks

I came across this article from the BBC about Tom Hank’s opinion about wearing masks. I found I agreed it was nice seeing a public individual agree.

Coronavirus: Tom Hanks ‘has no respect’ for people not wearing masks

Culture Issues

Below is another church message from Tony Evans about the Cultural Issues. I do find his research and ability to give biblical and current visuals well. Warning: I have discovered when he speaks/preaches from the pulpit, his voice does raise in volume (sounds like yelling to me at least). The message just struck a chord to me, reflecting the society and culture diversity does bring home that as individual people, we are responsible for how we live. Even in the Bible, there were examples of hypocrisy by believers.  

For me, it helped when I kept struggling with watching the media and the severe separations of ideas on face masks, racism, and statue destruction. Keep hold of concentrating on treating those around me with respect and voting for politicians that are striving to vote based on the laws written by our forefathers and when possible biblical.  

https://youtu.be/6k5uxubB-fE

Race, Culture, and Christ – Tony Evans 0 Messages on Cultural Issues

References

dōTERRA Breathe® Oil  Respiratory Blend, doTERRA Breathe Respiratory Blend | dōTERRA Essential Oils

Weekly Review 6/29-7/3/2020

I started this at 330 am on Friday, had an insomnia night.  I cannot take the medication because it is too late and allow me to function at work in four hours. Figured I would start my review early instead of Saturday as usual.  

I had a great week and was able to walk 2 miles with my daughter Tuesday and Thursday.  It made me super tired the next day but was able to add walking, which was great.  This Friday, I finally received a C-Pap machine again; unfortunately, they will not allow me to use my old ones.  These are expensive, it is close to $800, and that is with insurance.  Okay, going to stop that thought review medical and insurance lack of coverage frustrates me. Side note still trying to find somewhere to donate my two old ones, Was suggested to contact the VA (Veterans Affairs), has not heard from anyone.

With the hope this time, the machine will help me sleep through the night, the last two did not.  Between the apnea and depression, my energy is limited.  Should this work where I truly start to declutter and Anxiety wise do I lay myself bare and show my real journey of hoarding/clutter?  So many ideas, but my brain keeps short-circuiting on the way to proper completion.  Well, slightly tired, so hopefully I can sleep for an hour and pick this review back up on Saturday like I usually do.

Well did not succeed in picking up working on the review Saturday.  Unsure if this decrease in energy is the 90-degree weather with no air conditioner or the fact that my body is adjusting to a little more sleep.  We will see as the week goes forward.

I have to say that I feel successful.  I was able to add walking, got another four boxes of stuff donated, and shifted some furniture around to determine if I was going to keep or give some furniture pieces.  Light week for my Anxiety and depression, which is excellent.  Part of it, I think, was going back to limiting my news watching and trying not to fix a culture schism that I have little direct contact with for a real change.  Additionally, I was able to add more exercise and time with my daughter to my time.

Short but do not have much to review from this week except I did finally also put together what I have for a posting on Anxiety and scripture that I have been scared to post.  Scared to insult due to how we all walk our lives differently, but if I live my life scared to present my ideas, I might stop now.  Which is honestly not something I want to do.  I have found great enjoyment in putting my thoughts and creativity on paper.  Have a great week, and we will see how this one moves forward since my area of the world is having another 90 degrees weather week.

Review of Week 6/22-26/2020

I had a pretty good week with my anxiety and depression in regards to my family and home. Not sure whether that would be the case as the week started. For a variety of reasons, the strongest one continues is anxiety over the media’s presentation of the topic of racism and my accountability and reaction. Another difference to the week was having to put our family dog, who was eleven years old, down; she had a stroke. Both of these subjects seem to overwhelm my free time. Even with the distractions outside the norm, I was able to make some progress on my downsizing project. So proud of myself that I could keep moving forward. I do not have much to contribute outside my last Eureka thought at 3 am on Saturday. Please bear with me the return to the topic of racism. Keeps me up, as we’ve seen from past logs the problem of racism in my accountability to that topic from the midwest US. The issue keeps pushing at my anxiety to figure out where my place is in this world, where I can feel that I am not impacting people negatively by my actions.  

Had a eureka moment, I have struggled with the words that I keep hearing and not understanding white privilege when it comes to the news commentators because I don’t see it to the extent they claim it is around me. Please, I am not saying it is not there, but the media keeps pushing us to sign up for hate groups, from my perspective, that is farthest from the truth or need for the problem.  From a personal perspective, my position as a mom and older person has consequences as well.  Not as severe as the black community, but as a mom and someone having worked 20 plus years in retail, my options for employment are limited.  

I chose to work second shift retail, so I could stay home during the day with my daughter allowing her dad to take care of her at night. This choice destroyed any chance I had getting any form of office career. Career is the scheme of white privilege according to the media for me to lord over everyone. Office work and a college degree from the beginning is essential to getting into executive positions. Even in retail, there are limited opportunities if you choose to place family before career. Now, this becomes fruitless because I don’t have any networking connection; I don’t have a 3.0 GPA. When I bring up in conversation that I’ve been in retail for 20 years, I’m looked down upon as if I was to stupid to work in an office.

I can’t wrap my head around those words that I have white privilege, and all blacks feel attacked just by being in this country. We live in a country where sports stars and musicians get paid millions and a high percentage is African Americans. Do not get me started that they are complaining that they are in danger of getting sick as they plan the game schedules. That has not stopped them from going to retail stores with working people that do not have their money to pay for PPE supplies. Also, I don’t even know what to call people anymore because the media is representing everybody getting offended. I’m tired of being told I’m a horrible person because I’m white. I childishly want this all to stop. I want to watch the news again without feeling like I am a worthless person. I do anyway because of my anxiety, and the media keeps putting me back to square one.  

Slightly different but still about minority groups that were and looked down on. I did find some sadness and humor in my reading of the current news article about the Remington Gun company declaring bankruptcy but that the Navajo Tribe may buy them. Situation tickled my funny bone a small amount, not that people will lose their jobs but that an Indian tribe is purchasing a company that provided weapons to enslave them hundreds of years ago. Nevermind that some of the Indian tribes own casinos. The sadness and humor/justice for me is that whites introduced alcohol to the Native Americans which prompted alcoholism. They are now returning the favor through the addiction to gambling. Just gave me hope that through all of this current chaos, the world will still keep moving forward and that things will improve.

So let me wrap this up. Was it a successful week? Yes, it was. I have accepted AGAIN, that pleasing the media and politicians cannot be done.  Also, I do not see people as the media and violent protestors do. All I can do is be who I am, a person that tries to please everyone I come in contact with, as I always have. At least one or two people that I come in contact with will be offended by what I say or do. I am not, nor have I ever been perfect. Will I keep trying to understand the other argument? Strive to understand the larger picture of life and that unfortunately means watching the news. I did run across a gentleman who posted a well-done video from his perception of living black in America, and he speaks with Mathew Mcaheny and the Gaines family. I have included his first video explaining why he has created these videos. I did enjoy listening to the dialogue between him and his other guests. In the first video, personally find his tone condescending (that could just be me). He does present an amazing personal perspective of the current topic media of racism, even though it seems to be moving back to the pandemic.  

Emmanuel Acho – Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man

Again, sorry for the revisit of this tiring subject, the media just keeps sending me into fits of what a horrible person I am and spent time trying to work through that for the umpteenth time. Prayerfully, I will return to my anxiety research and personal thoughts of the presentation. Keep healthy and move forward. We got this as individuals even when some days look bad the next day or hour has a chance of being better.

References

 Nasdaq, Remington Arms prepares for bankruptcy; Navajo tribe in talks to buy – source CONTRIBUTOR, Jessica DiNapoli  Reuters, PUBLISHED JUN 26, 2020 3:10PM EDT, https://www.nasdaq.com/articles/remington-arms-prepares-for-bankruptcy-navajo-tribe-in-talks-to-buy-source-2020-06-26

Emmanuel Accho, YouTube, Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man, https://youtu.be/h8jUA7JBkF4

Contemplation of Current Volatile Topic Again

Some random thoughts came to mind as I did my brief overview of national and local news. Why must we be so confrontational in our society? I do not have a real answer to this one. Except maybe we should listen to each other. I see confrontation as individual groups speak what they think but do not hear what the other group is saying. Finding a balance between fact and opinion seems to be an excellent place to start and reach a compromise, which seems to be a losing art form. Current and historical answers that I am basing these thoughts from is below for anyone interested in reading.

Very uncomfortable by a small section of our society that is about destroying the monuments of our past. What if we instead relocate them and describe why they are no longer viable as a monument or leave them with a description or a comparison statute showing the change of heart in society. Present as a celebration of United States maturity as a mixed culture. There is talk of destroying Mount Rushmore. Why? When did we lose sight of what our country stands on? The United States used to pride itself as a melting pot of nationalities, culture, ideas, and history. Not all of it is pretty, but as a people, we can learn, grow, and change to a better society.

Making changes becomes a danger; not all aspects of needs addressed when handled quickly. How many people have been hurt by the removal of police from different cities? This subject still weighs on my heart and mind with the chaos around us and the knee jerk reaction to things that they genuinely do not understand. This lack of understanding comes from not living the situation and only have statistics or reports written by biased individuals pushing a goal.  

I still have only my reaction to voting and how to treat others. Just my anxiety and depression keep struggling to watch our politicians make change without fundamental research and discussion with the people genuinely involved. Who is involved with underinsured people, all citizens of all culture and nationality, and the first line police. When did we become a nation that relied on statistics and mob mentality, not the larger group’s needs? Not an aspect I can wrap my anxiety around because I am just one person and cannot change everything but myself. 

Corporate, Plantations, Business Owners, both current and past, have needed the lower masses’ labor. The Industrial Nation was moved forward on the backs of low income, immigrants, and their children. Chinese built our western railroad. People of color made our world through cotton, westward movement, tobacco, and many more. Our government killed and locked up our Native Americans. There will always be a segment of our society that is negatively impacted by policy, social change, or big business. Where can we go from here as individuals? That is all we have because, as a society at large, there has been a segment of culture that initially does not fit but has as the years pass that can change if we move forward well.

What about our Chinese society that rules were out in place to limit the businesses they could own? What about the need for mental health care or finances that can cause people to not succeed in potential, become homeless, or be in prison? What happened to the topic of how low women are paid or chose family over career until later in life and career options decrease? How about the high cost of healthcare and insurance companies not covering needed care?  

There costs to all rules, politics, and corporate needs. Yes, all of us being equal would be fantastic, but it is not feasible without losing a lot of freedom. I want to live in a country where with hard work, sacrifice, and chance, I can better myself. That is not possible in countries that oversee all aspects of their citizens’ lives. If we keep pushing for social change to happen without accurate planning, if we are not careful, the changes will endanger the freedom and sacrifices that our forefathers have made, and a dream for other world citizens to strive to join. By destroying our monuments and passing rules and changes regulating our decisions. All I ask as the months move closer to November, we research all aspects of our local, state, and federal politicians, not just news and social media’s most significant voice.

Unsure why this topic keeps scaring me. I am scared of some of the current decisions made that seem short-sighted and are genuinely not for the whole. YES, there is a crisis in our nation about segregation, but all minorities have some abuse history. The black community seems to have a higher amount at this time and the past. Why do I fear to monitor every word out of my mouth? The media is presenting our society as all racist, uncaring individuals. We have things being changed, such as Aunt Jemima logo, Uncle Ben, and Cream of Wheat. Why must these be replaced when they show an individual as a respectful creator of the product or trusted individual suggestion to consume. We are moving toward the point that we cannot use the word white or black. If that is the case, do we need Crayola to remove these two colors from the crayon and marker box? How far is this going to go? The Dixie Chicks have changed their name to Chicks, so isn’t chicks derogatory toward women? Just some questions I have that I do not have answers to. All I have is more anxiety as to how I will write or talk who will it offend. Then I realize at this point even if I sneeze, someone will be hurt. All I can do is be transparent that I do not mean to insult; it is just where my current knowledge places my opinion.

Prayerfully, this finds everyone well. Thank you to those who read and follow. We will survive, but let’s strive to live well and be proud of who we are to others and fit in this ever-growing topic of change—living as an individual, not as a whole unit. We are individual puzzle pieces to the greater whole of the world. I am striving to remember that each puzzle piece shaped differently to make the whole picture. It is okay if I fit into the whole, but I will not be the same as everyone.

A quick side note was going to post the links to the Black Lives Matter website, but there is so much out on the web that came up on the search that I got confused, and I felt alienated and more scared than I was before just by reading them. Now just going to stick to what I have and keep trying to find a knowledge level that keeps my depression and anxiety on an even keel on this subject.

Current News Links that started this rambling idea.

Minneapolis City Council Unanimously Approves Proposal to Disband Police BY AMY FORLITI AND STEVE KARNOWSKI / AP UPDATED: JUNE 26, 2020 5:59 AM EDT | ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: JUNE 26, 2020 5:59 AM EDT

Unilever to drop terms like ‘whitening’ from beauty products By The Associated Press June 25, 2020, 10:56 AM 2 min read.

‘Horrifically racist’ backlash prompts Oregon county to drop non-white mask policy by BROOKE WOLFORD JUNE 24, 2020 05:07 PM, UPDATED JUNE 25, 2020 03:26 PM.

South Dakota Gov. Noem vows to protect Mt. Rushmore: We won’t stand for ‘radical rewriting of history’ By Talia Kaplan | Fox News

The Term “Master Bedroom” is Now Racist – Anthony Brian Logan Commentary collection of different new articles that he shows. 

Historical information is part of our culture.

Building the Transcontinental Railroad: How 20,000 Chinese Immigrants Made It Happen At first, railroad companies were reluctant to hire Chinese workers, but the immigrants soon proved vital. LESLEY KENNEDYUPDATED:APR 30, 2020 ORIGINAL:MAY 10, 2019 

Child Labor – UPDATED:APR 17, 2020ORIGINAL:OCT 27, 2009 Child Labor HISTORY.COM EDITORS

Industrial Revolution HISTORY.COM EDITORS

 How Slavery Became the Economic Engine of South Slavery was so profitable sprouted more millionaires per capita in the Mississippi River valley than anywhere in the nation. GREG TIMMONS UPDATED:DEC 18, 2019ORIGINAL:MAR 6, 2018

UNDOCUMENTED FARM LABOR SMALL PORTION OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS LEGAL WORKERS WILL HAVE TO BE PAID MORE, TAXMAN SAYS. By Shawn Williamson 3/9/2017 on Success Farming

Ran across this song and explanation of God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood. It gave me hope that we will all recover from these polarizing and dividing situations of 2020. 

https://youtu.be/oD_IICmMhO0

Lee Greenwood – The Story of “God Bless the U.S.A.” – Country Road T.V.

I have also included a scriptural perspective on the race discussion from Tony Evans, who I have found to be reliable but easy to understand the biblical teaching. Yes, I know not every church person does not follow, but remember, even in the church, there is left, right, and in between individuals, we all have different ways of hearing. Many forget or find a hard time to live what they hear. As an individual, we are responsible for striving to live respectful of God’s teaching, but we are also human and miss massively all we can do is keep trying. At least that is my perspective because I even have met people that I am embarrassed to say I am a Christian.

Questions From our Listeners, Part One on June 26, 2020 – Tony Evans